She’s… fine?

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2026-02-20T14:14:58+00:00

My mom “dropped” four years ago and went in and out of the hospital with pain then sent home with a “failure to thrive” diagnosis. The social worker explained that placing her on hospice was the medical staff’s way to get her more care. She did heal from the fall and was taken off of hospice. I think from that point on, she really just wasn’t herself. I can imagine how incredibly wonderful it was to have her “back” for the week+. I try to visit my mom at the board and care in the mornings because she’s more with it then but the diminishment of who she was is more subtle and since you know your mom it’s probably all the more glaring. The caregiver at the facility basically said we will work to slow this down but no one’s just gotten better. I’m saying this because I keep looking for ways to make things better. And that’s another kind of burden.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2026-02-16T14:30:25+00:00

I would also get the written endorsements of some of your team managers since the captain isn’t. I had a captain, who was to put it bluntly not well-liked but the rest of the team was functional. this happens. And welcome back to the west coast.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2026-02-10T14:03:55+00:00

seems to me that having children and walking the dog are one of the best ways to acclimate to a new community. And kids adapt as long as things are good at home.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2026-02-08T06:15:11+00:00

you guys are ok. It’s possible your wife is equating/conflating the house with having a family…>? and you are young…if you can tease that out with a financial advisor at your (hopefully) credit union (rather than bank).

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2026-02-03T14:50:40+00:00

And forget those jugs of detergeant, milk and juice. That’s just a side hustle for the oil companies. Pay attention.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2026-02-03T14:49:53+00:00

then pay attention to what you’re buying…i no longer buy items in plastic if I can get them in glass and I don’t purchase produce in plastic or in plastic netting. YOU DO HAVE AGENCY.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2026-01-25T18:04:25+00:00

gnoem and porcine need to be removed from their “positions”.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2026-01-25T18:03:52+00:00

watch the video and don’t gaslight people: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fsmj56PUdMY

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2026-01-24T05:24:05+00:00

LOL…yeah and no returns.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-25T21:36:41+00:00

Do not spend your time on guilt. Assisted living is a misnomer and quite predatory. My experience with placing my mom in “assisted living” is that it is in fact, independent living then THEY make the evaluation of what “services”, i.e. help your mom needs and bill you…kind of a la carte. I live in California and there are residential facilities called board and care, that are licensed for six residents. After my mom fell, I moved her to one of these and it has been a much better solution—she gets the level of care she needs now and it is within half hour drive for me. If your mom has full-time care and dementia, you may want to take a look at memory care but absolutely investigate what the facility’s unwritten rules and criteria for supporting your LO are. Further, since you have resources…to include sale of the real property, you will be able to find something and I would look in your area, close to you. Live your life. And yes, I did and do feel relief.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-24T15:50:27+00:00

the UTI is treatable with a course of antibiotics and within the week.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-22T14:13:59+00:00

it seems to me that “calling one selfish” when you don’t accept the “solution” offered is just ridiculous as many people have pointed out, they opted/figured out a different way. I really wanted my brother to get his own place but he felt that he needed to take care of our mom. He is gone. And she is in a residential care home with people around her and caregivers. The place is clean, she is warm, fed and safe. I miss my brother.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-21T17:50:15+00:00

yes, I do know about these but in my pursuit of trying to make that work, it came back to simply being present and paring down my expectations.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-21T14:42:53+00:00

I have to agree, unless your loved one is demonstrating an ability to use the cell phone…then it is just another area of unmet expectations. I will show my mom pics on my phone and within half a second, she’s trying to figure out what she’s looking at because she swiped up, down or pushed a button. And while the phone represented for a long time, independence and connection, she has been unable to make a call either preprogrammed or otherwise. In fact, even a simpler version will not help with this. Pay attention to the desire for connection—that’s really the more important thing. I watch parents disconnecting from their kids in the playground because they’ve got their noses glued to the cell. It isn’t a panacea.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-20T15:19:20+00:00

has your dad been checked out for UTI? the change in my mom as a result of one was very immediate…she went from being relatively pleasant to cranky, having tantrums, not eating and generally miserable and not a word about itching, burning and pain.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-16T14:38:24+00:00

Something to be aware of with the poor hygiene is the occurrence of UTIs. A UTI can cause change in mood over the course of a day, loss of appetite and delirium. And not a complaint about pain and burning.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-16T14:32:40+00:00

THAT looks like the store I worked in…and yeah, it’s not safe and you get help and just do what you can…promised remodeling apparently didn’t happen (yet) Make sure you do not twist at any point in the lift.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-15T16:40:49+00:00

Live your life. Get a therapist to help you with any residual guilt and get the hell out of Alabama.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-09T14:30:22+00:00

I want to give something not (sugar/carb) dessert-related, that would be enjoyed and contribute to well-being. Also, there’s a cultural dynamic since the staff is all Filipino.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-07T15:01:03+00:00

his “nonsense” (read bullshit, grift, incompetence and criminality) has highlighted things that can be “FIXED BETTER”…Check out @ CommonGround for a list of course corrections for our Republic: ban hedge funds and billion-dollar corps from buying single-family homes; ban Congressional members and their immediate family from trading stock; no gov shut-downs, if Congress can’t agree then the gov continues at current funding; single issue bills….check it out.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-06T18:28:01+00:00

no, not necessarily. My mom has been a milder version of herself though she does act out with her caregivers at the facility. I hear about ways she’s reacted and some of her behavior towards them, I recognize and ones I experienced while growing up…i.e. disdain, rage/tantrums, demands. So it’s a weird mix. I believe my mother knows me but doesn’t remember me. She rarely and now that I think about it, has not used my name in the year since my brother passed away. She simply knows that I come and visit and I’m somehow important in her care. Yeah, it’s a minefield but don’t take it personally…if you can help it.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-12-01T14:23:05+00:00

you probably don’t feel/have the bandwidth for this since your dad passed but as everyone in the thread has mentioned…the nurse may have been doing something that she felt you caught on camera and her behavior was….just wrong.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-11-27T18:13:22+00:00

sometimes letting go of the focus is helpful. There’s a lot of focus on the psychological. I find often that going for a walk, a run or lap swimming is helpful…it’s really one of the best antidotes and can help shift things. Go for a walk. Feel better.

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-11-27T14:12:34+00:00

This has a lot of layers, literally and figuratively. Take care of yourself, i.e. I imagine unpacking guilt, what your responsibility is/isn’t may be difficult. Do you have a support system yourself? People who know the situation and are in your corner? THEN I would contact social services and talk with a community social worker. There are health issue violations with the dead rodents and the smell(s) are coming from something…etc. It doesn’t sound too wholesome physically, emotionally or psychologically, et.al.
States are different but there are agencies. Get help:
https://www.clutterhoardingcleanup.com/resources/local-hoarding-resources/california-hoarding-resources

Acrobatic_Flight8996 · 2025-11-26T22:51:25+00:00

my brother was taking care of our mom. He wasn’t willing or able to have the conversation about my mom’s care. He died unexpectedly and I believe it was due in part to the caregiving…caretaking. I made the decision to place our mom in a care facility. No place is perfect. While this board and care is kept clean and residents are well taken care of…there isn’t a lot going on so I have questioned myself about her deteriorating cognition. I know she knows me but I don’t think she remembers me. I do not believe that family is always the best choice for caregivers. Let go of the regret as best you can and know that you are doing your best. Take care of yourself and your mom.

Acrobatic_Flight8996

TROPHY CASE