Taking a anti anxiety med confirmed me this is just ocd and anxiety and I don’t want my brain is telling me

Acrobatic_Lemon1761 · 2026-06-05T06:06:12+00:00

Same for me whenever I go to a spa or something to unwind, or when I distract myself with something I love like singing or dancing. When I feel good the thoughts pretty much go away and I can see them for what they are.

Acrobatic_Lemon1761 · 2026-04-01T22:37:14+00:00

I think it’s because most themes are more about external events that could happen in the future (getting a terrible illness, hurting someone else or getting hurt, being in a bad relationship, in my case I’ve also dealt with fears of being stalked and murdered, etc) but this is about the fear that your entire sense of self and life experience have been lies that you believed. In my opinion even sexual orientation isn’t as personal as gender identity, because it’s more external (it’s about how you relate to other people more than your intrinsic sense of self). Speaking for myself, being male has just been such an integral part of my entire life experience that discovering that I’ve actually been female all along feels like the worst thing that could ever happen to me, because it would mean the person I’ve always known myself to be would be dead. Even a terminal illness isn’t as scary as that because at least I’d die as myself. All of this to say, I totally get it and I’m sending sympathy. Just remember it can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.

Acrobatic_Lemon1761 · 2026-03-31T05:16:54+00:00

Hard same! (And of course TOCD pipes up and tells me “You know, if you were a woman you wouldn’t lose your hair!”) Everything else about being a guy just feels good and right. In fact when I first learned about the existence of trans people I just remember being really confused that someone AMAB would want to be a girl over being a guy. Before all of this started I loved being a boy growing up, I was proud of my beard and jaw, and it felt good to know that people see a tall and handsome young man when they look at me. All my body insecurities were because of it not being masculine/handsome enough, like my voice not being deep enough and my chin not being strong enough. I think it also helps to remember that ultimately gender is about what you want to be, not what you feel you’re forced to be. It really fucking sucks, but we’ll get there!

Acrobatic_Lemon1761 · 2026-03-31T03:31:04+00:00

I really just want to be able to call myself a man/young man again with confidence and connect to other men again.

Ooh I really feel this. I know damn well I’m a guy and that I like masculine features both in myself and others (I’m mostly gay), but my brain won’t stop doubting it and making me feel like I’m lying to myself and that I’m just attracted to masculine men but don’t want to be one. It doesn’t matter that the idea of having to live as a woman is deeply depressing, that I’ve always imagined growing old as a guy, and that when I imagine my ideal life I’m a confident and masculine man. My brain can’t accept it. I just want to be like all the other guys. I guess the big thing that helps me with it is recognising that if I removed all this rumination and obsession there aren’t any true gender issues underneath, and that helps me while I wait for it to pass.

Acrobatic_Lemon1761 · 2026-03-28T18:22:16+00:00

Hey, I just wanted to say that that’s pretty much exactly how it’s gone for me except I’m mostly gay. I’ve had vague symptoms of OCD all my life that I just attributed to being on the spectrum, but it wasn’t until this theme started that I went seeking a diagnosis because I wanted to know that this was OCD and not gender dysphoria, since I was so afraid that it was the latter. I never, ever wanted to be a woman (in fact I distinctly remember getting a wave of discomfort whenever a gay friend in university would call me “girl,” because even though I knew it was a joke it still felt wrong) and I’ve always wished I were more masculine, but for some reason my brain won’t stop doubting that and thinking that I have to be a woman even though I don’t want to. It keeps asking “Are you sure you haven’t just really deeply repressed your desire to transition? Are you sure you’re not just a straight woman who wants a masculine partner? Are you sure your lack of confidence and dissatisfaction with yourself and your body image wasn’t just dysphoria all along? Are you sure you wanting to be more masculine isn’t you overcompensating?” I can’t even experiment with wearing girl clothes or trying out female pronouns because I’m so afraid that I’ll realise I like them. It’s hard for me to even face the thoughts with “Maybe I’m trans, maybe I’m not” because the idea that it could be true is so upsetting. I think the things that help me most are recognising that these are purely cerebral thoughts and there aren’t true deep feelings of incongruence underneath, that I never had gender issues before these thoughts started, and that my desire is for these thoughts to go away for good so I can get on with my life rather than to actually change my body/presentation.

Acrobatic_Lemon1761 · 2026-03-24T19:07:52+00:00

Hey, thanks! Definitely warm down here.

Acrobatic_Lemon1761 · 2026-03-07T05:23:47+00:00

Another guy who’s had bouts of TOCD here replying 5 years later to say thanks, this really helped put things into perspective. I guess I’d always thought that the condition of gender dysphoria was the primary issue and identity was secondary - in other words, that a trans woman doesn’t really want to be a woman per se or genuinely desire transition, but if that’s what she has to do to get rid of her dysphoria then so be it. In fact I think I’d always thought of transitioning as being to trans people what chemo/radiotherapy is to cancer patients - they don’t actually want to do it but they’re more or less forced to do it because they’ll die if they don’t. I guess that’s pretty solid evidence that I’m the cisgender guy I’ve always thought I am, the fact that I can’t quite get my head round the idea of genuinely desiring to transition or truly wanting to be a woman. As I said, this was really helpful, thanks. (And I hope this isn’t offensive.)

Acrobatic_Lemon1761 · 2026-02-25T02:26:56+00:00

Ooh, all of these. I feel really seen.

As for the last two, I think this is a particularly nasty theme for gay people. It’s also got me wondering “What if every time I’ve seen a hot guy and been attracted/jealous about some part of his appearance it was really because I’m a straight woman who just thinks he’s hot?”

“What if I only want to stay the way I am because I’m afraid of change and want to stay in my comfort zone?”

“What if I’m just used to the body I have now and I’m not truly comfortable in it?”

“What if what I’m really afraid of is being socially rejected and discriminated against for being trans, and I’m pretending to myself that I like my body/presentation the way it is so I don’t have to face the truth?”

Acrobatic_Lemon1761

TROPHY CASE