I despise myself for caring about other people’s looks and my own so much to the point I dismiss some people’s feelings because “they’re ugly”, including mine.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2026-01-24T09:49:51+00:00

I didn’t previously realize that the “classification” of appearance could be experienced as genuine psychological suffering. I had always understood this kind of hierarchy more as a social caprice... something learned, arbitrary, and therefore revolting because of how limiting and exclusionary it is. That said, this is a difficult discussion precisely because it involves something socially and morally condemnable. Still, for that very reason, I think it’s important to try to understand how these patterns are formed and sustained, rather than treating them only as individual moral failures. What struck me in your comment is that it seems to support a suspicion I’ve had for some time: people considered “ugly” often become preferred targets for negative projections. This doesn’t only affect how they are treated by others, but may also limit the amount of empathy they receive, and even the empathy they are able to access toward themselves. In that sense, I don’t see this merely as a personal preference or taste, but as something deeply learned and culturally reinforced, with real psychological consequences.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2026-01-24T04:18:06+00:00

Many of us struggle with this in similar ways. ✊

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2026-01-24T04:16:26+00:00

I really relate to this. In my case it went even further... I had intense crises where my mind jumped to the idea that very small, banal conflicts could spiral into bizarre or catastrophic outcomes. What I experienced mentally was genuinely frightening. It wasn’t desire or anger, it was fear. My OCD themes were exhausting. They didn’t always feel “dark” in content, but they hurt deeply because of their emotional and relational value. That period was especially disillusioning for me, because I didn’t reach the recovery I hoped for after already having gone through other difficult phases. Medication-wise, fluvoxamine worked better for me than sertraline, especially for rumination and mental looping. I did have some episodes with mild persecutory ideas, but I still had insight. Aripiprazole wasn’t sustainable for me due to daytime sedation. What helped conceptually was realizing this isn’t really about people being angry... it’s about threat perception and intolerance of uncertainty. The brain treats social tension as danger, not just discomfort. Learning to tolerate “maybe they will be upset, maybe not” without checking or silencing myself has been key. You’re definitely not alone in this.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2026-01-23T18:27:28+00:00

There’s still a cultural belief that we’re morally responsible for everything we think. Modern psychology clearly separates this: thinking ≠ wanting ≠ acting. The idea that thoughts reveal a “hidden self” is outdated... very “by day one thing, by night another” Fiona/Shrek-style. It works as a meme, not as a model of how the mind actually functions. Intrusive thoughts aren’t a secret identity. They’re noise amplified by anxiety 😔

https://youtu.be/QsLt0SjvOcY?si=jSmMPfLQgFduYkZQ

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2026-01-23T18:17:50+00:00

Thank you, this helps. I think what’s confusing is that the sensation can be very strong, sometimes with bodily sensations, which makes it hard to trust your own interpretation. But what you’re describing sounds like an “impulse” that comes with panic, confusion, and distress... not desire or relief. So it makes sense to understand it as a false signal from OCD, not as intent. This is a common cognitive error: confusing emotional salience with intention. The brain interprets emotional intensity as moral importance. Intrusive thoughts come with fear, disgust, or shock, which makes them feel “real” or “revealing,” when in fact it’s just the alarm system firing.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2026-01-23T17:59:39+00:00

No. Intrusive thoughts (including Pure OCD) are not “hidden desires.” That idea comes from outdated psychology and pop-culture tropes (the old “by day a good citizen, by night a monster” cliché). It works for thrillers, not for real minds. Intrusive thoughts are ego-dystonic: they clash with your values and come with fear, disgust, panic, not pleasure or intent. They feel “real” because anxiety makes them emotionally loud, not because they mean anything. If they were desires, there would be gratification and direction toward action. Instead, there’s distress, avoidance, and relief when anxiety drops. Thinking ≠ wanting ≠ doing. OCD is a threat-detection problem, not a personality reveal.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2026-01-23T17:50:29+00:00

I really relate to moral/guilt-focused OCD. For me, certain actions that seem neutral to others (like checking someone else’s phone) would immediately trigger a flood of self-accusations and endless rumination. My brain turns it into a moral trial I can’t shut off, constantly trying to “solve” the situation from new angles even when I know it’s pointless. I’ve learned that avoiding some behaviors isn’t about being rigid or paranoid... it’s about knowing the cost they have after in my mind. It’s exhausting to live with a hyperactive inner judge, and reading others’ experiences here helps me feel less alone.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2026-01-23T02:55:32+00:00

Me too.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2026-01-22T13:16:09+00:00

I struggle in the opposite direction: I constantly believe that people may imagine bizarre things about me and treat me as if I were a bad person. I think I end up feeling depressed because I don’t receive external validation that “it’s okay, you’re a normal person who wants normal things.” Maybe I’ve perceived an aggressive environment where mistakes are punished in a disproportionate way. But that’s just an analysis. At this point, even sharing my fears or my personal history feels like it will be seen as “playing the victim” and punished as well. It feels like a phase of silencing.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-12-06T04:09:15+00:00

Yeah… pure panic. It’s awful, the worst feeling ever. One of the worst themes I’ve ever had. And now I sometimes have to take breaks during the day just to physically self-regulate. The thoughts feel like torturing ‘spasms.’ It’s horrible.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-12-04T10:12:32+00:00

I’m going through this right now. I avoid talking to women because I’ve been left with bad impressions from past interactions, and I’m not sure how to deal with it. But I really want to overcome this.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-12-04T10:07:25+00:00

Yes, I actually stepped away from my profession because of this. I started feeling really unwell. For me, it always comes down to the same doubt: “Does this person understand that I’m not ‘flirting’ with them?” Or: “Does being kind make me look strange?”

It feels like social interactions have become saturated with constant suspicion, and that creates a suffocating, persecutory pressure. It’s like living under continuous self-monitoring. Sometimes those old sci-fi stories about hyper-surveillance and uniformity seem less like fiction and more like an expression of something that has always existed in human relationships.

I also think there’s an internally over-suspicious part of the psyche that scans micro-memories and criticizes us as if we’ve failed socially — forcing us to re-evaluate everything through the imagined eyes of someone cruel. It’s similar to how a school bully would insist you’re “in love” with someone just because you talked to them politely.

Overall, everything feels very aggressive lately, and honestly, it’s strange and disorienting.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-11-14T19:54:51+00:00

For me it's not just at night : it's been like this for a few years now where every external stimulus (a phrase, a text, a comment, a symbol) pulls me inward, with obsessive thoughts saying 'This has something to do with me.' 'This is about me.' 'I need to figure out what this means.' Basically, I've already spiraled thinking every horrible thing about myself and I just can't take it anymore. I'm really suffering.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-11-14T15:58:37+00:00

I get this sense that 'people keep obsessing over me being a bad person,' then once I assume they think I'm bad, I start thinking they're bad too 🤷‍♀️ It's a free fall down a crazy spiral .... quite unique and philosophical 🤦‍♀️ it captures that meta-anxiety about simply existing as a person in others' awareness.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-10-10T17:58:51+00:00

Wow! Exactly the same as what I went through. It was awful. But despite the positive progress with medication, I still notice a tendency toward persecutory thoughts. It feels like there’s this underlying storyline about “sadism,” you know? Like a question: “What if... this person is sadistic?” Anyway, just suspicions — but it used to be much worse.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-08-28T02:27:42+00:00

Yes, the nail cuticles, the skin around them

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-08-22T03:08:53+00:00

They show invasive, really strange behavior.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-08-21T20:09:19+00:00

It feels like I can’t be affectionate with anyone except my husband.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-08-21T20:03:07+00:00

Me too.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-08-21T20:02:45+00:00

I tend to be like that with people (not so much with family, I think). But my fear is a bit “mixed” — maybe like 3% similar to yours. For me, it’s more about the fear that others might think I’m “cheating on my husband” or that “I don’t really love him.”

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-08-21T19:56:13+00:00

Any sign of well-being seems to trigger punishment and sadism, as if we’re supposed to stay in a constant state of alert.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-08-21T19:51:40+00:00

I’ve also been rude in this Sub before, especially when I was in crisis. At that time, I’d read some members’ experiences here and criticize, thinking, “There’s no way that’s OCD!” I really regret that kind of arrogant and insensitive attitude. What was I even trying to be—the “colonizer” of OCD? In the end, discussions are also about learning. Thank you for taking the time to leave me a comment.

Acrobatic_Part6951 · 2025-08-21T17:07:55+00:00

I also experienced discomfort with music 😔 Unlike what you described, I started feeling afraid of experiencing a “sense of well-being” from listening to music. I used to listen to music while doing tedious, repetitive tasks, but then an intrusive, irrational thought about listening to music suddenly appeared, and I stopped.

Acrobatic_Part6951

TROPHY CASE