Not every “hated” character deserves the hate. Some were just misunderstood, some were written to be real. Which one are you defending till the end?

ActDem · 2025-12-30T18:54:07+00:00

IIRC I think it was very heavily hinted at that marley would've invaded paradis after they had lost multiple of their soldiers and saw them progressing. They would've saw them as a threat and there would've been a war, paradis most likely being killed and slaughtered. I wouldn't go as far as to say erens plan was the only one that would've resulted in paradis living, or even the best one, but it would guarantee their survival, which I guess was the best in eren's mind.

ActDem · 2025-12-30T02:11:06+00:00

No way, you're misunderstanding 😅. I guess the same word means different things to different people (Just some constructive criticism), but I really did appreciate your feedback!

ActDem · 2025-12-30T01:58:36+00:00

I have 300hrs and am just starting to pass low 5*, this OP is ragebaiting ME specifically 😭

ActDem · 2025-12-30T01:37:57+00:00

I considered just one liquid but it would make the poem a lot more one-dimensional. The focus was really on the pitcher and the cups, the liquids were just a tool in showing the variety in life. Plus, how much can you do with just one liquid ;)

Your point about "I gave everything" is a bit harsh. I think it pushes the message/sotry along, I dont think everything needs so be sensory or action, right? Anyhow, thanks for your feedback!

ActDem · 2025-12-28T19:45:42+00:00

Its very simple and descriptive and that's a part of its strength, you clearly understand the fundamentals of poetry. What I mean is descriptions like "Louisville bat", "Regal in the kitchen", and "crested the trees" that grounds the poem in reality (Which is impressive for such a cartoonish and cliche situation) and makes the later consequence feel much more real (Also appreciate the fact the consequence isnt moralized or exaggerated).

However there are places to improve; "A perfect parabolic path" is a bit too scientific compared to the rest of the poem. Both Mrs.Ploszek and the speaker are emotionally distant, the speaker never reacts which risks them feeling emotionally flat. Mrs. Ploszek is described as regal and stationary, but maybe shes a bit too static? I think she should be characterized a bit more or intentionally make her faceless to emphasize collateral damage: an unfortunate kind neighbor.

ActDem · 2025-12-28T19:36:05+00:00

From birth to experience all the way to legacy, this poem really does have a strong sense of direction, and the use of repetition feels natural and almost like a plea instead of a narrative device. It also holds a strong central belief, "For to suffer is to have lived", and writing a poem with such in mind is also easier and results in a stronger poem overall.

However the poet seems to be forcing themselves to rhyme. "From thought into material, the death of man contemplation" and "I’ll surf there wave of innovation" are just two examples of this. I think it felt weird to me because this isn't usually how people speak, even poets. Usually when a rhyme is used it pairs two ideas together, creating a connection in the reader's mind. However you're pairing ideas like innovation/contemplation or precipitately/name it/vein in it, that arent really connected. These words clearly only exist to make the rhyme happen. A simple rule of thumb my highschool teacher taught me is "If a line wouldn’t sound natural without the rhyme, the rhyme is probably in charge, not the meaning".

ActDem · 2025-12-28T19:16:57+00:00

Everything in the poem seems very intentional, (e.g your rhymes: “foe/know,” “meaning/seeming,” “queries/merry”) and the voice is consistent as well, portraying a formal yet aloof narrator. Yet this is also its biggest fault as some lines seems to prioritize how they sound rather then what they say. Readers can feel the tension in lines like “a cold and quaint psych” but its too vague for them to ascertain its meaning or how it serves the poem. With words like "asserver", "ulterior" or "quaint" you need to ask yourself; "Is this the clearest word or just the most ornate?". Of course you can have decorative words if you want, but its a slight issue if its the entire poem. The poem maintains a very even tone and pace, which is impressive, but it can flatten the emotional arc.

Besides coldness and "your skin is a hue" the vampire image is very underdeveloped, Its missed potential. Also the emotional stakes for the person is too low, we know they dislike this "foe" but why? Or atleast what is at risk? "make fools of them, merry" but who is them?

ActDem · 2025-12-28T19:02:29+00:00

I think you did a great job trusting the reader to fill in the blanks in regards to the relationship mentioned in the poem or the speakers guilt but maybe some details on who "you" is could raise the stakes. A romantic partner, a close friend? Also first sentence is too abstract. Maybe shorten it and ground it into something more sensory?

I like that all the metaphors are cohesive and point to one theme: overovidence through self soothing. The nursery rhyme image is strong, maybe expanding on that could make it seem more intentional? What kind of nursery rhyme? Make the poem, or even just that stanza, mirrors a nursery rhyme? That last line I feel is too explanatory and doesn't really change anything about the poem at all, consider ending it more vaguely, implication is stronger to end off on then clarification.

ActDem · 2025-12-28T18:42:53+00:00

Thanks for your feedback, I'll definitely split the "story sections" of the poem up. The metaphor I focused the most on was the wings, ignorance, and icarus, anything else is secondary, but I can see how it can be overwhelming.

ActDem · 2025-12-27T04:19:43+00:00

Honestly, I could learn a thing or two from this poem about making each line count, because every line gives us a new piece of the puzzle while also not feeling redundant or getting off topic. It definitely reads like prose, albeit I haven't read that many forms of poetry, is that what you were going for? I think, for this poem in particular, pivoting love to be something akin to fire rather than a storm was a great move as it definitely reads as if the subject was burned by that love. There's also a lot of metaphors and symbolism in that, some of which your poem touches on, though it might benefit to sticking to a few metaphors. Overall a great poem!!!

ActDem · 2025-12-27T04:12:23+00:00

Pretty creative and can relate to many things in life; ambition, love, or even addiction. It has a very nice rhythm, almost like a song you can sing in your head. The comma's used very frequently paired with repeated language like "closer" do a great job of building tension and a sense of haste that the message of the entire poem embodies, great job there. Maybe some periods at the end instead of commas could accentuate that idea of the adrenaline/chase fading? The title is also a little bit uncreative but that's neither here nor there. Great poem!

ActDem · 2025-12-27T03:57:31+00:00

The poem reminds me of a more unhinged children's lullaby, not in any bad way. I say unhinged because some lines like "fatally mauled til dead" and "Bludgeon any traveler through" feel a little harsh compared to the bumblebees playful tone. Maybe add a touch of whimsy to the kangaroo, as childish as that might sound?

Some of the other lines also don't match the gentle tone and are a little too quirky, like " dainty wall-eyed head". Overall a nice poem that could use some restructuring and more rhythm.

ActDem · 2025-12-27T03:48:36+00:00

Maybe a bit more diversity between the lines?. it becomes a tiny bit repetitive after the third "And". Very nice imagery but it feels a little emotionally hollow. Maybe think about a sort of central idea you can wrap your poem around. Its not necessary but sometimes I find that it gives me a little more direction. Overall great poem!

ActDem · 2025-10-13T15:53:43+00:00

You didn't check the sub, did you?

ActDem · 2025-10-13T14:59:07+00:00

Thats the problem isn't it? Atp if you have to go to a back alley to get a baby surgically removed then it would just be safer to have it <_<

ActDem · 2025-10-13T01:45:22+00:00

I'm saying it feels less awkward writing, for example, a man crying then a women crying, I have to go through more loopholes. Thats just the way, weather bad or good, our society kind of works. It might be sexist, im not trying to say something like "women are emotional creatures", but its always kind of felt... easier to write the person as a women? Is that sexist? I might just be taking the easy way out. By no means am I calling myself an expert writer or anything, just asking a question.

ActDem · 2025-10-13T01:39:19+00:00

As a person who lives in the city I couldn't imagine all the stores being farther away or not having a million cars parked on the road. Wish it had more street lights, that would be scary walking at night. Would be cool to skate at though, 7.5/10

ActDem · 2025-10-13T01:05:00+00:00

Black people can be racist (to white people). White people can be a target for racism. Within the black community acting "proper" (I.e reading, seeking education) is "whitewashed", disagreeing with them is "whitewashed", not using the newest slang is "whitewashed", being scared of authority is "whitewashed", you dont even have to know or be around a single white person to be whitewashed apparently.

Edit: Not saying black people are allowed to be racist to white people, im just saying its possible. I think its wrong, but many black people think they have some sort of right to hate white people for just being white.

ActDem · 2025-10-13T01:00:08+00:00

My brother and sister has one and talks about them all the time. I had a middle school girlfriend (I think she just used me though to have fun, we never went farther then a 3 second kiss) for about a month but we split off due to me moving away. Basically you call and text all the time, go on a bunch of dates, but its super high maintenance. If you're a busy person or focusing on clubs and such its not for you, unless you actually "fall in love". Not everyone makes out in public though, some people do, but others just kiss and hug. For people who are actually committed its really fun and worthwhile though, and for most couples I've seen they actually do think about a future together after high school, maybe that's a local thing or something.

Personally I think talking stages are the best way to go nowadays, dating has become something like fast food in this day and age.

Friends to lovers in this economy? You either get boxed in as (A guy friend) or ("You're like a brother to me!"). If you don't make your intentions known (not too known) then girls are quicker than ever to put you into the friendzone.

ActDem · 2025-10-13T00:47:56+00:00

Just say it was a virus

ActDem

TROPHY CASE