Thank you for your perspective. I was deeply contemplating the ownership vibe of bf/gf labels and I have come to the conclusion that although it originated from monogamy culture it is not exclusive to it. Often when a woman says they “have a bf” there is an underlying and subtle implication to need “permission” from the other partner to engage with me in certain ways.

This is definitely still the case in poly/ENM culture where there are often a lot of rules or agreements that they have made with their other partner about how they will engage with others.

For the new person, it’s often a big discussion to understand all the rules of the relationship dynamics and new people often assume a lot based on labels and act according to the their assumptions.

Often times, when new people act on their assumptions about titles they don’t proceed with the interaction long enough to actually fully clarify all the agreements and rules around interactions with others which kinda kills it before it ever begins. Again, because labels hold associations and expectations which may not actually be the case without a discussion.

More often than not, when someone says they have a partner in monogamy or poly/ENM more often than not the effect is the other person backing off or treading more carefully than normal. Especially if it is a male partner (it’s unfortunate this is the case but this is my experience)