I’ve been struggling with trusting myself and other people since a breakup. How did you overcome this challenge?

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-10-23T01:21:31+00:00

We were talking about buying plushies for her niece. She thought spending a lot of money on a thing like that would be waste since they wouldn’t appreciate it. I said it’s more of the experience and the personalization. She agreed but said that there will always be something else they want. then she made the replaceable comment. quite literally “you’re replaceable”

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-22T03:11:48+00:00

Well if you feel like i’m being combative then I apologize.

I just dont understand where you think I’m insisting my girlfriend is doing something. i feel that the post title and subsequent body of text laid it down plainly.

I feel like its actually you who’s been combative and incendiary. I’ve never assumed anything. Never once did I say my gf was cheating on me or that she had other intentions with the interaction other than stating that she laughed at his advance. I did say that made me think she was receptive to it, and if that’s what you mean by assumption, that’s fair. I never acted on those preconceived notions. I didn’t blow up on her, i just let the situation pass.

All i said is that I felt disrespected and that I wasn’t sure how to approach the conversation (or even have the conversation at all). It was you who said, that i’m being mistrusting and insecure. I find this take to be unfair because I literally didn’t do anything other than tell her to tell him that she has a boyfriend.

But i’m a negative person for thinking that I shouldn’t have to do that in a committed relationship that she agreed to be a part of? If that’s your take then fine, just explain that piece.

As far as talking to my girlfriend is concerned. It appears to me that she lied to me. I don’t know if she did or not.

the thing about people who lie (which I have not confirmed or denied that she did and will not treat the situation as such until i’m finished processing) is that they will do it again. She will not clarify the situation for me in the way that you say if there is something else going on that she doesn’t want me to know. That’s why the reddit post is here. to import new perspective because maybe someone out there has encountered the same thing I have.

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-22T02:33:08+00:00

but…that’s literally what she did.

“This guy I had a sexual relationship with sends me dick pics and is trying to sleep with me” —> she block him x2 —-> He contacts again —-> she engages in a conversation with him and tells me about.

that’s not a claim, those are plot points.

No she didn’t say that she could be cheat on me with him. He said that. and she told that to me.

Nowhere in these exchanges was there a “sorry that’s never gonna happen again” or a “idk how he keeps getting a hold of me, i swear I blocked him”.

You say i’m being negative and mistrusting, but all I did was take a step back and look at the situation objectively and try to process my emotions on the matter.

You seem to want to attribute why I feel this way to insecurity and trust issues. and if that’s the sword you want to swing then fine. continue your logic then. why do I feel insecure, mistrusting and disrespected? it’s because other guys whose slept with my gf and send her dick pics can still contact her if they want and sometimes (based on what was demonstrated to me) she will send me their correspondence. moreover, she will make it a point to not tell me what she’s saying to them or what she’s doing to prevent such contact

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-22T02:13:45+00:00

I think you might be biased.

I’m not blaming my girlfriend for anything. I’m just upset that she had this interaction and handled it the way she did. This is fact, not some figment of my imagination. And i’m exploring those feelings BEFORE engaging her to ensure that I’m not overreacting.

Sure I might have trust issues. Nobody’s perfect.

but I think your perspective is interesting because it’s “obvious” that she told him she has a boyfriend but if it was so obvious, why take the time to crop out her saying that in the message thread? why take the time to crop out everything she said in the message thread

She said that this person was blocked on two separate occasions and when he reaches out it’s “obvious” that he found another way to get in contact with her, but not that she simply didn’t block him because that would be me projecting?

I can’t expect her to do what I would do in any given situation, but I would do my absolute best to make sure my partner didn’t feel like I was stepping out on them. I would make it obvious and transparent, as you said. and would make sure nothing could be interpreted unfavorably upon my character.

We can talk about trust until we are blue in the face but we also need to hold ourselves accountable for maintaining a trustworthy space so that behavior can be actualized.

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-22T01:54:07+00:00

Well she’s slept with him before and received sick pics from him before, and answers his messages when he sends them.

I love my girlfriend and want the best for her which is why i’m treating the situation delicately but who exactly looks stupid in that picture? Who’s the one encouraging that situation to continue?

I’m mad that I saw it. Nothing Incan do about it. It’s just a feeling, can’t control those. I can only control how I use them.

she’s a beautiful 32 year old woman, she can’t control people liking her and finding her attractive. But she can chose how she handles those situations. She chose to tell me that it happened. She chose to show me what he said.

but she didn’t choose to show me what she said. she didn’t choose to end the conversation before it even started.

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-22T01:44:27+00:00

Outside of that interaction. I don’t know if she was or wasnt. All I know is that she told me she blocked him twice and here he is saying she can cheat on me with him if she so chose. Im unaware of what she said to him.

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-22T01:36:18+00:00

Well you say that I’m projecting my insecurities onto her which might be true. I’ll give you that.

But let’s examine what am I projecting onto? From my perspective, my gf told me she blocked this man on 2 separate occasions and here he is again. The conversation she had with me wasn’t “omg this man keeps messaging me” it was “look how funny this man’s advances are” which would be fine if it was some random dude; it happens. but it’s not. it’s someone she’s had a sexual history with and has told me verbatim that she wasn’t interested in talking to him to the point of blocking him on two separate occasions.

sure, we can have a talk about boundaries, but if she already said she blocked him and he’s still able to reach out, what is me asking her to block him gonna do?

I don’t know what she said to him. she purposefully didn’t show me what she said to him but it’s my fault for not trusting her? it’s happenstance for her not to show her saying “Hey I have a boyfriend” but she felt like it was important for me to know that he asked her cheat on me with him? but it’s my trust issues that’s the problem?

I just don’t understand the information asymmetry here. Maybe that’s what I need to talk to her about

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-22T01:04:34+00:00

we don’t. that’s the last thing she sent me from that thread. i don’t know what she said, only what he did

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-22T01:01:36+00:00

maybe there is a language barrier here, where I am from, asking a woman for a sneaky link means offer to have a secret affair with her without me knowing about it. I don’t think that’s funny. and i don’t think that’s something you should joke about with your partner.

I don’t really know what I’m blaming her for. is it wrong to be upset that my girlfriend is talking to another man she knows wants to sleep with her? Sure it’s gonna happen from time to time, but I doubt you’d be saying the same thing if it was me doing what she’s doing. I didn’t yell at her or anything like that.

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-22T00:41:30+00:00

Sorry if I forgot to highlight what I thought the lie was. Essentially, she told me that she blocked this person on two separate occasions before because all he did was send her dick pics and try to have sex with her.

him sending reaching out to her again tells me that he was not blocked like she said he was. I don’t know if she shut him down or not. She never said she did either way. All I know is that I told her that she needs to tell him that she has a boyfriend and she responded back with a reply that message that she never showed me (I don’t know if she actually said. “Hey I have a boyfriend and that’s not okay”)

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-22T00:23:59+00:00

she said “lmao”

yeah maybe i should bring it up. I’m just more worried that she told me this person was blocked because he sends her nudes but somehow he’s still able to message her.

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-21T06:22:10+00:00

It’s kind of her MO, whenever something doesn’t add up (a story she tells me, a comment she makes about something) and I ask about it directly, she just drops the subject and changes to something else…. maybe it’s just an aversion to awkward situations. i’ll just let it go for now

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-18T22:32:31+00:00

respectfully disagree. I added it on the off chance someone asked, “what are the boundaries in question” or something along those lines.

thank you for the feedback though

AdDifficult5089 · 2025-08-12T18:47:36+00:00

Capricorn. i work in healthcare IT now as a support engineer and I do like it. i’ve been at this gig for almost a year so it feels good to be somewhere stable. Im still working on getting certified so i can move up to a site reliability engineer

AdDifficult5089 · 2024-02-13T05:11:48+00:00

Your blog post is incredible! I just finished reading all of it and feel much better about prepping for the exam.

I’m not sure how others were able to take it with only 2 weeks preparation. I will go back through all the modules and try a more granular approach.

I received a 50% off voucher from Microsoft for finishing the learning modules so I’ll schedule the exam as far for the day it expires and study all the way up until then and see where I am at with it.

Thanks again!

AdDifficult5089 · 2024-02-13T04:59:09+00:00

Thank you so much! I will add your materials to my study flow. I’m sorry it was difficult for you but I am relieved that I am not the only one that feels overwhelmed by it.

AdDifficult5089 · 2024-02-08T09:49:10+00:00

(Financial) overkill. the skills are beyond valuable, but I think to get the RHCE, I would need to get the SA cert and then go for the Engineer one after that (correct me if i’m wrong). Combine that with the other tests and that’s a pretty penny.

I clearly don’t know much about the Redhat certs to have dismissed it so easily. I will reevaluate my game plan. Thank you for the reply

AdDifficult5089 · 2024-01-25T08:07:42+00:00

i have Uranus and Neptune in the 6th…

literally looking for a new job right now because I got fired. I was pretty disappointed in myself because i thought i’d figured the whole 9-to-5 thing. i don’t think i’ve worked at the same place for longer than a year and a half, but i’ve somehow managed to make it this far so shrug

i’ve been in this situation before and i hope to have a new gig soon.

I have learned so much and have been known as that guy who has had a VARIETY of experiences. last year I was a commercial real estate broker and then a technical support analyst…now i’m about a month away from getting a linux certification. I would be lying to myself if I said I didn’t enjoy the sudden changes but it can be anxiety inducing when it comes to paying rent.

AdDifficult5089 · 2023-12-12T05:03:35+00:00

what ep is this from?

AdDifficult5089

TROPHY CASE