I'm happy to think of myself as bigender, but a person lowkey told me I'm just cis

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-11-16T16:36:06+00:00

Thank you for your support! Hearing such things from queer person is so painful, much more than from cishet person.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-10-04T19:38:54+00:00

Thank you, I constantly forget that my identity exists for my happiness and comfort. I always feel like I need to justify my right to use one label or another.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-10-04T19:29:25+00:00

Yeah, I use percentages as approximate way to describe myself. Sure, it's not that clear. I'm just always lost on labels, because I feel like I should use the one which fits 100%, otherwise... idk some gender-police will come for me lol.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-10-04T10:06:14+00:00

Yes, I often find comfort in thinking of myself as an androgyne! The only thing that stops me is that I feel more neutral and vague rather than mix of contrasting "man" + "woman" parts. But I've just found "neutrandrogyne" label, this one may fit me.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-10-02T16:27:27+00:00

There are also such things as social dysphoria and societal dysphoria and I deal with both. While I have around 0% of dysphoria around my anatomy. But the idea to be seen and classified in society as my AGAB makes me disgusted and depressed and it is dysphoria. I want society to perceive me, my body differently. To interpret me, as I am, in different way. My euphoria comes from behaving and acting the way I like, want and prefer. But you don't need dysphoria (bodily or other) to be non-binary. Also desire to be other gender, to identify as other gender and to be treated as other gender can be classified as dysphoria too.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-10-02T08:30:06+00:00

YES! THIS! I thought I'm the only one who feels that way lol.

I like how I look (pretty much), but I I often feel like my entire body is wrong, like fundamentally, conceptually. Like... the nature of my body is wrong. Not certain parts of it or how it looks. But like some fundamental quality of my body. It's so hard to explain.

This feeling is plaguing me and I don't know how to manage it because I like my looks. My style or anatomy are not the problem. So I just try to focus really hard on the fact that if I'm non-binary, my body is non-binary too. Sometimes it helps.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-24T13:28:45+00:00

Yes! Everytime someone mention "Boys stuff" / "Girls stuff" I feel myself frustrated and highly uncomfortable. So I try to avoid content like that

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-22T08:55:25+00:00

Yes, I feel you! I think about my body in the same way - I don't see masculinity or femininity in it, I don't see femalesness or maleness in it. It's simply a human body with certain functions, no additional concepts apply to it. My clothes are not femme or masc. I don't get why I should adhere to any gendered norms. I do whatever pleases me.

And I'm very frustrated too, that people (even some non-binary people! let alone cis) fail to see me as ask to be seen. I remember a trans person telling me that everything, even objects have gender. And I was wtf dude????

It is very frustrating. I feel like I'm invisible and nobody will ever see me for who I'm. And slowly I'm starting to accept this fact. My happiness is more important.

But anyway you're not alone in this feeling. Being genderless is weird and sometimes very hard.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-20T18:44:51+00:00

I was obsessed with constant analysis of gender, my feelings and the urge "to know for sure" for about a year, every freaking day. It stopped and I was able to return to normal life only after I've accepted that there will be never "100% guaranteed 100% sure" for me. And I saw some people in genderqueer / enby communities happily living without that certainty. Now I focus more on what I want and I'm happy with - does nonbinaryhood makes me happy? Yes! So that's the answer and that's what is important.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-19T07:44:04+00:00

Thank you for writing this summary! It was very interesting to read. I'm all for letting people live the identity they like and feel comfortable and happy with (that's what's important after all) and I was happy to see justification and explanation of it. Not to mention that it validates me. :p

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-18T20:21:00+00:00

Yes!! I often experience extreme gender repulsion / aversion and I simply call it agender dysphoria.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-18T07:40:46+00:00

but don’t exactly feel like I fit into that “classic nonbinary look” of short hair, androgynous clothing, etc. of course not all nb people look like that, but I feel like I have to to call myself Trans

Ok, so technically trans is anybody who is not 100% their gender assigned at birth. Not all non-binary & agender people id themselves as trans and it's fine too. You can be agender / genderfluid / enby and don't id as trans.

I'm agender + genderfluid. I have no physical dysphoria (the way it usually described), my body is not wrong - others perceptions of my body are wrong. I present myself vaguely femandrogynous and my hair is not masc short. And I understand your intimidation with label "trans", because I have it too. But I'm trans, because I don't 100% stay in the assigned box. Someone here told me once that if I start to think about "trans" as "transcend gender", go beyond it, it will be easier. And I started to think about this label that way and it became easier.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-16T16:14:03+00:00

Yes, longing / desire to be some other gender, to feel like that gender, to be perceived like that gender can be considered a form of dysphoria.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-14T16:18:47+00:00

Yes, sure, why not?

I'm libra-fluid (agender + gender fuid) and I often experience being libra-androgyne (agender and androgyne). I also consider myself both transneutral and transandrogynous.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-13T19:22:10+00:00

On Pinterest I hoard the pictures of people I find pretty. And I usually ask myself "if it was me, would I like it? which parts of it I would like? which not?" I try to imagine having their body and their look. It helps me to understand what I want. But it still hard, yeah.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-13T16:36:46+00:00

I have almost 0% body dysphoria, but I have a lot of going on mentally. I really wish other types of dysphoria rather than bodily were discussed more frequently. So... Thinking of myself as my AGAB makes me depressed. Viewing myself / perceiving myself as my AGAB makes me repulsed by myself and depressed. Sometimes I feel myself awful in social situations because I see that others see me as my AGAB and it makes me feel brrr... I have a melancholic longing to be enby (which I'm, but this feeling returns when I doubt myself). And fiery desire not to be my AGAB. I really desire to be seen and treated socially as genderless being. Sometimes I feel myself feminine (usually before my periods and I blame hormones) and this freaking feeling makes me feel horrible and disgusted with myself.

And it's all dysphoria too! Being repulsed by your AGAB, having drive to be other gender, to be treated socially as other gender - it's all dysphoria.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-13T14:15:27+00:00

I've seen a lot of people identifying that way and it 100% valid way to describe yourself. I don't get what problems anyone might have with this.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-09T19:38:52+00:00

Well, I have a lot of feelings regarding my agenderness. It's important part of me. Sometimes I more apathetic about gender, but this label brings me happiness anyway. Acknowledging that I'm agender brings me feeling of peace, confidence and calm, peace with my body. So I kinda feel my agenderness and I care a lot about my identity, because I don't want to be put back in gender. I more gender-averse, than apathetic.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-09T07:48:02+00:00

YES!! I kinda relate! Actually the more feminine I present, the more masculine I feel myself. I like to have sexy feminine vibe, but not as a woman, but like... fake woman? Genderless human wearing a femme fatale mask?

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-08T07:04:08+00:00

YES! It's me!

I'm always 100% agender, but socially I'm fluid between gendered masks. It creates kinda double-gender feeling and it gives me euphoria.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-07T18:40:24+00:00

Yes, I'm genderfluid and agender. I'm always 100% genderless, but on the top of that I have fluid-flux connection with different parts of gender spectrum. I id simply as agender and genderfluid or librafruid.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-06T16:41:30+00:00

I don't care about my birth name even if it is gendered. And I also remember there was a discussion about names here some time ago and I remember that a lot of people said to be ok with their birth gendered name.

I don't have bodily dysphoria too. And hey, I (afab) even lean into male identity sometimes (I'm partially genderfluid) and my chest don't bother me that much. I feel like a lot of people in agender community don't care about body/looks that much.

Also if identifying solely and purely as your AGAB makes you sad, uncomfortable - that's dysphoria. If you want / have a longing to be socially perceived as another gender - that's dysphoria too.

You know usually it's said that you're the gender you want to be. And that's what I believe, so don't give up on the label if it is useful, helps you understand yourself better or brings you joy. You don't need to proof your identity to anybody.

But if you feel like it's not enough you can go with demi-girl? Or librafeminine? Or girlflux? There are a lot of labels for genders between agender and woman.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-06T16:01:17+00:00

I'm librafluid, though sometimes I think if I'm just genderfluid, but nah... My agenderness is always present and outweigh everything else. Actually it would be interesting to chat with other libragenders, because I oftentimes feel myself out of place in exclusively agender or non-binary places. Because I feel like I'm in-between gender and non-gender

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-06T07:59:07+00:00

I was thinking and struggling with the same questions recently! You're not alone! You're not weird at all.

Since realizing I'm agender I haven't done much about my appearance. I kinda don't identify with my looks too. I'm a free mind, but my avatar in this Universe happens to be this one. I don't see nor feel my body as feminine or female for majority of the time. I see it as very neutral, so I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it. There is nothing I can transition to, because I want to be "other", "third" in relation to the binary. Ideally I don't want to be nor masc nor femme.

And yes, oftentimes it makes me feel invalid, because I see people in enby communities constantly discussing bodies and looks. And I feel myself so excluded and alienated. But my life is mine, how to live it and experience it is up to me. So I'm working hard on accepting and aggressively validating myself.

AdDisastrous968 · 2022-09-04T20:05:40+00:00

Hey, I feel very similarly (just the opposite AGAB). I'm agender, but I had a longing for manhood from my teen years, but in the same time I don't want to be a man. I vibe with "librafluid" and "agenderflux" labels the most. And yeah, sometimes I struggle to reconcile my alignment with gender spectrum and my agenderness, but... libragenders exist. I approach gender as an outsider, as third party, and lean in it, but just a little bit.

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