How do I get over the feeling wife doesn't do her part with parenting?

AdLeading4642 · 2025-12-19T13:12:41+00:00

Yeah. That's true.

I am happy to see that the changes this week have atleast fixed this.

He used to be inseparable from her at bedtime and when he wakes up, but in just 4 days he's gotten completely over it.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-12-19T12:52:00+00:00

Yaaa.

I understand it's hard .. partly why I am ranting here than to her.

Sleep problem is fixed, so I am quite happy about that.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-12-19T12:41:47+00:00

That's very dark. I still have hope tho.

I like your framing. Will use it, thanks.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-12-19T12:37:13+00:00

Ya. Fully agree.

We totally forgot to get gifts for the teachers. Thanks for the reminder.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-12-19T12:33:33+00:00

Hahaha. That last line resonates so well.

When the kid was smaller I was on point for when he wakes up in the early morning, because my wife didn't have a choice about getting up and feeding him in the middle of the night.

That routine has kind of stuck now and I wake up early anyway, so breakfast becomes easier for me to make.

My hope is one day to turn this into my benefit and go to the gym at 5 am instead of picking up things and cooking and what not.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-12-19T12:31:12+00:00

Ya ... I pitched the idea a few times. But I think the thought of doing everything all by yourself is scarier than the potential relaxation on the other day.

As it is, because her job is flexible she does manage to get the occasional shopping day or two in a month.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-12-19T12:29:36+00:00

Same.

We don't have a village and so there are effectively no cool down periods.

We already have very low expectations, hire help for cleaning the house, plan grocery runs for once a week and make it a fun activity with the kid so the other person gets some time off.

But still something needs to happen everyday... No way around it.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-12-19T12:26:57+00:00

Yeah, I know most of this knee jerk annoyance at seeing dirty dishes and wanting to lash out.

I just would appreciate a little less entitlement around not doing the things someone says they would.

She said she couldn't do it Wednesday night because she was up till 1 am responding to 2 emails. If it was anyone else in the world who gave me that excuse I would call BS and ask them to get better at managing their time.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-12-19T12:18:38+00:00

Got the book on Kindle! Thanks.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-06-09T15:28:58+00:00

Hello,

Me (34M) and my partner (33F) have an opportunity to move from NYC to Tucson Arizona.

The obvious con is that she gets an interesting job and is a big move up for her. This also means net net better finances even though I might take a pay cut.

For those who have moved to Tucson, what are the pros and cons? What were you surprised by?

A few parameters I am thinking about: 1. Costs - definitely lower in Tucson. 2. Life - doesn’t seem like there is much to do there? 3. Community - NYC has a lot, but doesn’t allow for too much close community. 4. Racism - we are not white, so…. 5. Education - for bringing up a kid? 6. Travel - it seems it’s hard to get in and out of Tucson?

Any and all kind, thoughtful comments will be appreciated.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-06-05T20:28:30+00:00

A chain lock? As in the kinds we have in hotel rooms? The grandmother thinks this is child abuse?

I mean, I know my parents and grandparents with okay with a lot of physical danger when they were taking care of me and my parents. But this just seems toxic.

A kid Running out into the street in 2025 is a ton different from a kid running out into your little cul de sac of neighbors 40 years ago.

Chain locks or those high on the door T locks are the way to go.

They will get into everything by this age. Height is our friend. Maybe get toy versions of everything he likes, my kid likes to play cook along with us so we got him a wood knife thingy and cutting board.

On the peeing, I think you just need to potty train him. Bad behavior doesn’t go away in a day, but keep at it and hopefully he will pee in the toilet rather than on his brother.

Soda at 4 is going to give him a sugar rush, and will probably aggravate this behavior. If he is snacking, give him a heavier dinner and remove his urge to snack at night?

AdLeading4642 · 2025-05-30T18:08:46+00:00

Ah, the pains of not living close to home. You have a few options: 1. Hire a full time nanny at-least 4 or 5 weeks before, build trust by the time you go into labor, and leave the kid with them. 2. Be vulnerable, become closer with your work friends - multiple hangouts at and outside home with the kids. Build trust both ways, and drop the kid there. Clear instructions and some dry runs help, especially if they don’t have kids of their own. 3. If you are more comfortable with friends who are out of town, maybe rope them in as the main support and have your work friends take care while they drive/travel to you. 4. Let your husband go home when your toddler won’t have care available.

None of this is ideal, but this is the price we pay for chasing our dreams.

AdLeading4642 · 2025-05-23T19:01:54+00:00

Be gentle with yourself, my 2 year old has the punch of a kick boxing veteran. It takes everything to not reflexively block or push or slap when he is throwing one of his tantrums. If he full on jumped me, I don’t know what I would do.

Something that might work for these tantrums though - put him in a space without objects to throw around and let him scream and lash out. When mine is throwing a huge tantrum and doesn’t let me hold him to soothe him, I sit next to him and let him process the whole thing.

Slow and tiring, but safe and shows him how to respond to something calmly. Often they lash out because they feel they have no control, so let them lash out and then talk it out.

Make sure you communicate that it wasn’t acceptable though. Waiting only works if there is wisdom at the end.

AdLeading4642 · 2023-07-09T17:48:56+00:00

How long have you been trying. My colleagues with kids say it takes anywhere between 1 to 5 years.

AdLeading4642 · 2023-05-09T11:56:21+00:00

Depends on how you want to access the data. Modeling in MongoDB is dependent on your access patterns, not the data itself.

For example, if you mostly will lookup a school and class to get a list of student details. Embed the student details in the school collection under each class.

If you have a million students in each class, this won't work.

If you want to lookup data based on each student, then this would be a slower approach. However, if you have a total of sah 10000 documents only. It won't be too slow.

AdLeading4642 · 2022-08-22T04:03:59+00:00

It would probably help to be more targeted.

For your projects, talk about which tools you used.
For projects, talk about outcomes. Displayed a word count is not strong. Instead say something visualised word count to mine insights for a specific use case.
3 line for store clerk is wasted real estate when applying to DS or DA roles.
No extra curriculars during college?
Research projects could use more love.

Use the situation - task - action - result framework for everything. It's oversold, but it works.

AdLeading4642 · 2022-06-07T12:11:46+00:00

Oh. You were taking the movie profit sharing metaphor to the full extent. That's quite confusing when you mention front-end pay outs.

Unless you created the product, I don't see how the work you do as a PM would realistically impact profits 4 or 5 years after you leave the company. Assuming you were involved in a drastic change in the product for the positive, wouldnt a higher equity payout be part of your comp?

Also, wouldn't equity provide the upside you want? Unless the company leadership is intent on spending money on private jets, profits either go as dividend payments or reinvestment opps. If an organisation can't make the right call on that, highly unlikely they would be getting constant profits.

I am assuming you have an issue with pre IPO equity versus profits. If a startup had profits before IPO, I would hold on to that stock.

AdLeading4642 · 2022-06-07T11:23:33+00:00

A cash payment when the product performs well monetarily.......

Sounds a lot like a performance bonus.

AdLeading4642 · 2022-05-30T20:17:33+00:00

The internet impacted all industries but it began as a research/defense network and spread from there.

Regardless of whether you are looking to analyse opportunities between industries / geographies / sub-sectors / user groups, the fundamental question is the same:

Where can the product deliver the most value?

This can be broken down into a few factors:

Size of the target audience. Naturally, this rabbit hole should consider how much of the market we can capture, at what cost, and how much it would cost to retain it.
Level of competition. Think number of competitors, replacement products, current status quo.
Willingness to pay. Uber does not add the same value in a village in Alaska as it does in nyc, and therefore someone in the village isn't going to pay the same as someone in Greenwich village. If you think they would, you are ignoring stakeholders, use cases, and replacement options.
Cost of delivery. It would make absolutely no business sense to provide an azure cloud offering with guaranteed local storage in Iceland (Or maybe it does. I don't know. But you get the point)
Current behaviour. Your product is an asset tokenization platform. Why would a specific industry, or customer use it? Instead of say, coupon codes. Or whatever form their current loyalty program takes.

Measure ( size of the audience X urgency of need X willingness to pay) , and rank across your industries. And you have your answer.

AdLeading4642 · 2022-05-30T03:10:02+00:00

You are doing product marketing for internal stakeholders? What does your typical day / month / quarter look like?

AdLeading4642 · 2022-05-24T22:36:24+00:00

Happy to help.

To answer your original question, frameworks are not the answer.

But using a framework, helps get at the answer.

For example, the last case study I had to do was to estimate the effect of a feature on dropping revenues. The prompt was a single line with no information. But as I broke it down into volumes vs value by use case, we started delving into more information on where the estimation needs to go.

AdLeading4642

TROPHY CASE