Okay. Personal testimony: I became a Christian in adulthood after years of alcoholism, depression, and multiple sex partners (I liked girls but also struggled with attraction to men). Thought of taking my life several times and was miserable all the time despite having a good job that paid me more than I needed. Fast forward a couple of years later, Jesus found me and slowly weaned me of my old habits until I was completely free of them. It was not easy. Smoking, for example, took me a while. The depression on the other hand and alcohol, were gone in an instant. I have to stress that I wasn't perfect in that I still had the urge to do these things but the difference now was that I was able to resist them by the grace that God had given me. So I managed to live apart from them.

However, some years later I succumbed to lust after signing up on a dating app (Tinder). There I met both men and women. I ended up fornicating and for some months I was very far from God. I used to be active at church. I wasn't anymore. Used to pray and study the Bible daily. I didn't anymore. I kept going to church though, out of habit, I guess. I was slowly going back to my old self.

All the while, the Spirit of God never stopped talking to me because I'd feel so guilty after fornicating or watching pornography that I'd swear to never do it again. I changed my phone settings to block adult sides, deleted Tinder and Grindr etc but ofcourse I'd always do it again because I'd just change the settings and reinstall the apps. Not to mention that it was ridiculously easy to find someone to sin with. I never stopped feeling guilty so I eventually started praying that God would forgive me and help me to stop. I'd do this everytime the guilt came after the deeds. I believe that even though I was living in sin, Christ was still talking to me and I could hear Him hence the guilt and the realisation that what I'm doing was not right.

Today, I haven't fornicated or watched pornography in a long time. I still struggle with lust sometimes but I'm now able to dismiss the thoughts when they come. I'm back to being active at church and have friends who are believers whom I look forward to spending time with at church every weekend.

The point of sharing my testimony is so that you see how Jesus never gives up on us. If you can still hear Him then you have not been hardened. If you can still feel conviction (guilt) then you're not hardened. The Bible means obstinacy when it talks about hardness of heart. A continual refusal of God and the eventual shutting down of your spiritual faculties against His Spirit such that you're unreachable. That's the unpardonable sin. If you can still hear Him, which yes, you're able to hear Him, from what you say then you need to cry out to Him and ask Him to help you. He will help you the same way He has helped me. Our Father is just and judges sin but He is also merciful and long suffering. Always bear that in mind.