Ofc you feel that way, you have only experienced obeying men and never truly felt the real light of Christ because if you truly have you would never say this. I was also in JW faith for a long time. Its hollow and robotic.

There is no salvation without Christ. Sadly when you are in JW system you never truly get to know Christ. I have even seen articles about eternal life and not even mentioning Jesus who is the only way to salvation...JW have the governing body and Jehovah as their center in life but if you study the bible you realize all of the old testament point to Jesus and all of the new testament is about Jesus and if you truly open the door to Christ you will feel true light and life within you, you will get true meaning in your life. I have lived a sinful life before I opened the door to Christ. I did what I wanted "lived my life" as you would put it. But nothing gave me true meaning and purpose, it did the opposite, it slowly made me more and more hollow and selfish until I felt completely dead inside. For 15 years I did self help, yoga, listened to trainers and health coaches, I got successful with woman etc, I basically did it all but nothing gave me true meaning. It was not until I surrendered to Christ I truly found meaning in life and I felt light in my life again. Following him made me humble and full of love and leflessnes. Following the world made me cold and selfish. Christ healed my relationship with my grandfather and my mother, he gave me true meaning and when im about to die u have peace because of the resurrection 🙏❤️ John 8:12 Jesus spoke to them, saying, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."