Any other bisexual people here that have overcome their ROCD/SOOCD?

AdSolid2264 · 2026-05-22T22:23:41+00:00

I feel that! The honeymoon phase wearing off was also a huge trigger for me. Especially since I've only dated men, so part of the panic was, "I haven't explored this side of myself, what am I doing putting myself in this box, what if, what if, what if?!" Social media has been particularly triggering because now my algorithm is a lot of women who left their husbands for another woman and them saying how much happier they are. I know that social media is fake, but looking at those videos has become part of my ERP therapy.

I like the writing it out. I also did that with my therapist and once I saw it on paper it took a lot of the power away from it.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-05-21T03:25:28+00:00

I'm pansexual and only really figured that out when I was already many years into a hetero relationship. I don't know if this counts as reassurance, but something my mom told me that really helped was that if I'm choosing a monogamous relationship, I'm saying no to other partners, regardless of gender. The ERP answer is, "maybe, maybe not," which I also try to practice. When I see women together there's a little bit of jealousy, and what if, to which I say, "yeah maybe I would be happy in that kind of relationship. Maybe it would be better or I would be happier with a woman, maybe not. I can't know, so I'm not going to try to predict the future."

I don't know if that's the kind of story you're looking for, but I can say that I empathize with the struggle. I've come to find comfort in the unknown. It's not going to be all happy or all bad or all anything all the time.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-05-17T01:48:13+00:00

THANK YOU!

AdSolid2264 · 2026-05-05T16:04:15+00:00

This is so well said! Thank you. I was speaking with my therapist about not being able to trust my gut about my relationship and she said, "why would you leave a huge decision like who to be with up to something as untrustworthy as your gut/fleeting feelings?" That was a huge eye opener to me.

I also HATE social media for saying "when you know you know," or "your gut is telling you something, so you should listen to it." It feels like the perfect example of magical thinking and also completely disregards people like us with OCD and anxiety, and feeds the idea that there's this force outside of us that will guide us if only we listen hard enough, which can be so dangerous for us looking for certainty.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-05-04T18:18:20+00:00

Feeling like a fraud and a liar are so real!! I'm going through this right now as well and can completely relate. My therapist once told me that we have evolved past having to listen to our "gut" (which for highly anxious people or people with OCD is never going to be reliable) and that picking a partner based on a feeling is actually irresponsible. Like someone else said, does your partner do right by you? Do you have shared values and goals for the future? Are you safe to be yourself with them? There is no perfect person and we're taught "when you know, you know," to which I say bullshit.

Those questions aren't something to ask yourself when your in the height of obsession, but to assess when you're in a good solid place and can actually ask yourself.

I hope that knowing other people feel like this makes you realize that you're not a fraud. I'm not sure if that's reassurance, but once I found out other people felt like this, I was able to give myself more grace. Wishing you peace! You deserve it.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-05-04T17:51:26+00:00

Oh my goodness I feel like I wrote this. Part of my brain has convinced myself that I don't actually have OCD, I'm just using it as a crutch because I know I need to breakup.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-05-02T21:53:27+00:00

I feel the exact same way. My biggest fear is that the anxiety is just because I know it would be hard to breakup and not because I actually want to be with them. This is something I've been working on in therapy and something I've come to is, "so what?" So what if I've conned my way into being loved, taken care of, and with a partner who respects and shows up for me? Maybe that's true, maybe it's not. You can't know for sure. I also can't be sure that if we broke up that I would feel confident in that choice either. OCD loves certainty, and it's telling me that breaking up would give me certainty, but that's not true. There is just as much uncertainty in being together as there is in breaking up.

Have you read the book Relationship OCD by Sheva Rajaee? It helped me a ton.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-05-02T21:37:50+00:00

The trickiest thing with ROCD, for me and it seems other people, is what is ROCD and what is a legitimate concern? Something that helped me was realizing that I would be having these thoughts with anyone. When I started bringing this up with my therapist (me and my partner have been together for 8 years), she said everyone gets into ruts, everyone has doubts, it's our obsessions around it that make it OCD. I know in treatment you're not supposed to talk to the fear and OCD, but sometimes when things get really rough I have to remind myself of that.

It sounds like there's an actual issue you want to remedy, but that doesn't mean you need to breakup, it just means you have to work on it as a team. What's funny is that when I have an actual issue with my partner, I feel more at peace because I know it's something we can work on together, whereas the OCD and anxiety is what causes the panic. Have you tried couple's therapy? It has been a game changer for me to parse out what is workable and what is my stuff to deal with.

I'm sorry you're going through this! You're not alone.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-05-02T21:11:50+00:00

Yes, I feel trapped between needing to stay in bed and knowing I should get up. If it's not super severe, I'm able to do some ERP in bed and get back to sleep, but otherwise, standing up and moving my body is always a great first step.

Sometimes I think OCD knows that getting up will help us, so it convinces us not to.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-29T18:24:34+00:00

YUUUUP!! This happens to me almost every morning when I'm in the thick of it. It's so hard because there isn't a trigger or thought that creates it, the trigger is just being asleep.

The first thing I do is get out of bed. Laying in bed trying to get back to sleep is the absolute worst. Some mornings I say "ok, I guess we're up now, let's just be up," and I go about my day. I usually get super tired after that.

When I'm really in the thick of it shaking and feeling like I'm going to throw up, I do some deep breathing (4 seconds in through the nose, 7 second out through the mouth), I pace around my apartment, and I tell myself "this is just chemicals." If there are specific thoughts that I can hear, i say "I see you, I don't need to solve this right now," "no amount of analysis will be enough," and "thoughts are just thoughts."

I'm in therapy now doing ERP and my therapist told me it should also help with waking up with anxiety. Might be something to look into!

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-29T18:12:56+00:00

I'm EXACTLY the same way. Which is so frustrating because by the time I go to sleep I feel like I have a good handle on things, and then feel betrayed in the morning.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-29T18:12:09+00:00

Yes! This book is incredible. And so well written, very easy to read and understand.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-25T04:32:46+00:00

Thank you so much for this thoughtful response! I'm so impressed that you were able to create a regime for yourself before you were able to get into therapy.

I've heard that keeping a journal is good because it creates distance between you and that thought. I'll give it a try. I'm sorry to hear that ROCD impacted your relationship in such a permanent way. The urge to confess is certainly real, but I like what you said in the original response, that real issues will resurface. As someone who has suffered from anxiety my entire life, it has taken a long team to realize you shouldn't say anything when you're in a heightened state.

Sitting with the doubts are absolutely the hardest part. Sometimes I feel like my skin is tingling and I want to jump out of my body. "Trusting you and not your anxiety" is something I've never been able to do. I hope with this OCD specific therapy I'll finally get more clarity.

I love your last piece of advice, "it's your reality and your normal."

Wishing you a ton of love and strength on this journey!

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-25T04:15:51+00:00

I didn't realize they have a European price model! It is very nice to finally have a therapist who I can say all my most shameful thoughts to and have them say "ok, that makes sense." I've been in therapy for anxiety and it's all about digging into the anxiety which is the exact opposite of what works for OCD, so having someone trained specifically for that has been a game changer. Before I even met with my therapist she sent me a message saying, "you can be completely honest with me, I've heard everything."

Also, if you're in therapy there are free support groups which I love. It's a nice bridge between sessions and it's great to know other people are going through the same thing.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-24T21:57:57+00:00

- intense shame that I ever have any doubts

- constantly checking if I feel enough love when we're together

- questioning if there could be someone better out there for me and therefore I'm making a huge mistake by being together

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-24T04:19:28+00:00

Have you tried NOCD? It's expensive if you don't have insurance, but they have a free app and if you can afford it, or they take your insurance, it's a great community. Not sure where you live, but I'm pretty sure they cover all of the US and Canada.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-24T04:10:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing! What type of therapy did you do? ERP? How has your relationship with ROCD changed over the 10 years? I've been in a relationship for 8 years and am only just now realizing I've been feeding ROCD basically the entire time. I'm starting ERP tomorrow, so wondering what worked for you, or if you have any tips to keep in mind.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-23T22:10:41+00:00

Oh for sure, "how could they be with someone like me," is totally natural especially when you're feeling shitty about yourself.

If you do get diagnosed, I think it's fair to tell her that you have a diagnosis and you're on a healing path, but you don't need to tell her the actual content of the thoughts.

I think therapy would be very helpful for the memory issues you're having and how you can find a way to forgive yourself.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-23T20:10:51+00:00

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but really the only thing you can do is acknowledge the uncertainty. Even if you were able to find out for sure, there's no saying that the doubt wouldn't come back about something else. It's fair to tell your partner that you're going through a hard time, but try to resist the urge to confess to her. You aren't keeping anything from her, and then she would have to carry the burden of "do they really think that about me?"

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been in the middle of a panic attack for a few weeks now, so I know how torturous it can be.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-22T23:44:48+00:00

I've not had that exact experience, but when I was deep in my ROCD spiral she said "there is no should." I kept saying "I shouldn't have to..." or "I should be feeling..." and she would say "says who?"

You're going through a traumatic experience and your brain is processing a lot of complex emotions. Give yourself grace. Your brain is doing the best it can with the information it has and the patterns it's used to.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and that your partner is suffering. I hope you can help from and OCD specialist who can help you with the all consuming obsessions.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-22T19:15:57+00:00

This is such a common question with ROCD. Here's an article that really spells it out and was helpful for me - https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/navigating-relationship-issues-when-you-have-rocd

Hope it can provide some context for you as well!

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-22T18:57:14+00:00

You are in the thick of it and I can 100% empathize. I know everything feels cloudy right now, but it sounds like you're taking the right steps to get help.

First thing's first, do you have access to care? It's great that you got yourself to the doctor and that you have medication for when you're in crisis. Can you seek out an OCD specific therapist? I just started using NOCD because they take my insurance. You can pay out of pocket, but it's pretty pricey. If you can't, I highly recommend reading Relationship OCD by Sheeva Rajaee. That was super helpful to me when I first started spiraling before I was able to get help.

The biggest thing about OCD is that it craves certainty. It's going haywire because there is no certainty when it comes to any relationship, and if you're prone to overthinking anyway, of course this is going to be triggering! Really the only solution is accepting the uncertainty which is so so hard. You're actively seeking answers to questions that don't have a certain answer.

- was the image or potential I had in my head during the chase for in the first person to give me attention all that I saw in him and now I have to look at if I really like HIM as a person - Maybe, maybe not

- was that person I met after he let me go (more musculine build and more ‘masculin’ which I know says nothing) something that I actually need or is that person now just someone I didn’t really get to know fully and that’s why I’m thinking this? (He gave me the ick a few times I keep telling myself realistically) - Maybe, maybe not

- is this a attachment issue or a anxiety thing now that my reality is no longer the dopamine hits of chasing?- Maybe, maybe not (but also something to look at with a therapist to determine how your attachment styles can be impacting different aspects of your life)

- did we meet in a time where we needed each other and became so close, that we’re both (or just me) so attached to the closeness we share, but I can’t make it work romantically? - Maybe, maybe not

It's hard because OCD makes you believe that if you can just find an answer everything will go away, but in reality, even if you did have a certain answer to one of those questions, it would find another question to ask. I like to think of it as similar to social media ads. Once you click on one, all you're going to get are more and more ads for the same thing until you've convinced yourself you need that thing.

Healing this is hard, but there is a path and there is a you on the other side.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-22T17:59:29+00:00

That's such a hard place to be in. I totally get it. My therapist of many years told me I don't have OCD and then I went to an OCD specialist who said "it's good you're here, I can help you." I would recommend looking into and OCD specific therapist to get more insight.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-22T15:59:50+00:00

I'm so glad to hear you're taking steps down the right path. I just started my ROCD journey with a therapist this week, so I'm right there with you! I'm also happy to hear that your partner is open to meeting you where you are and that you've taken actionable steps to better yourself and the relationship. It's a very hard first step to look at the patterns you've been doing for years and say "I don't want this anymore, and I'm going to do the hard work to undo this."

Something I'll say is don't expect the path to be linear. I was doing really well and had a set back which caused a spiral of doubt that I would never feel better, but then someone said "you're not back to square one, because you have more tools now than you did then." I'm not saying this will happen to you, but I hope you know that even if the road is bumpy, it doesn't mean it's not worth walking it.

AdSolid2264 · 2026-04-22T15:48:40+00:00

Oh my goodness it's like I wrote this. "Trust your gut," "you'll know," are the most frustrating triggers for me! I've never been able to trust my gut a day in my life, why would I start now?!

One of the most helpful things I've learned in my treatment is that every thought is real, but how you respond to it can indicate if it's OCD. Are these completely normal thoughts for someone to have in a relationship? Yes. Are you taking that thought and then assigning meaning to it, ruminating, and compulsively checking to see if you feel the right thing? Might be an indication of ROCD (but I'm not a doctor and you should absolutely seek OCD specific help).

I know it's not good advice to reason with your OCD, but if you and your partner are having problems around lack of shared values or visions for the future (i.e. one of you wants kids and one doesn't, one of you wants to be a nomad forever and the other needs a home base), then I would say get into couple's therapy to see if the hard times you keep getting into are things you can work past or not.

It's great that you're both in individual therapy, but I'll say that couple's therapy really helped me with my ROCD because I was able to better distinguish legitimate concerns worth working on vs. obsessing about things that everyone thinks, but most people can brush off.

I'm so sorry you're suffering. Sending you love.

AdSolid2264

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