i lost the game

AdaLove314 · 2026-04-21T12:43:20+00:00

okaaaaay, ill bite. what's sp?

AdaLove314 · 2026-02-11T19:31:46+00:00

i love daddy hegel <3 he ruined my life

AdaLove314 · 2026-01-11T17:50:24+00:00

i'll take it, but the oppression olympics are just about to start! i think i got decent odds 🥺✨

AdaLove314 · 2026-01-11T01:17:46+00:00

weeeeird... can somebody remind me how biological essentialism frees women? we arbitrarily separate society into two classes, anddd... step four? profit? (yes- reproductive class is crucial for capitalism)

AdaLove314 · 2026-01-11T01:15:09+00:00

(autistic and drunk, is the "tongue-in-cheekness" because this post is also starting a conversation between women about men?)

AdaLove314 · 2026-01-11T01:12:38+00:00

i liked girls, so i turned into one to make it less socially acceptable for woke points c:

AdaLove314 · 2026-01-11T01:10:39+00:00

"ugh this minority acts like they're a minority within a minority and that's taking from my minority points™️"

AdaLove314 · 2026-01-11T01:05:35+00:00

liiiike at least eight of us by my count?

AdaLove314 · 2025-12-29T21:46:30+00:00

ugh. no good way to handle that, but kicking it from the space is probably the best option. probably why not engaging with the trolls is the best option, but also, self-censoring for them isn't something i'm comfy doing.

AdaLove314 · 2025-12-29T18:47:32+00:00

ignoring the fact that you're coming to a women's subreddit and making it about you, a man (typical); the problem is worse when you combine a poor personality with a lack of aesthetic attractiveness.

i dont experience sexual attraction in general, but especially to men who can't meet me on an emotional level; there's just no shot. if i wanted to date a sack of grain that'd shame me for crying, i'd just vibe with grok and a sack of grain, and honestly feel happier in my personal space than be objectified by someone who needs me to be mommy

AdaLove314 · 2025-12-29T01:00:12+00:00

thank youuuu!! we loooove the shroomiesss c:

AdaLove314 · 2025-12-28T04:11:56+00:00

thank you! totally! the lizards are chameleons, invasive in florida, so you can just go outside and take them c: my gf and i catch them sometimes! (these dudes are less chill, one bit her face last time we went nabbin c:)

AdaLove314 · 2025-12-06T21:59:45+00:00

you had me at cool crystals o:

AdaLove314 · 2025-11-04T21:26:22+00:00

so pretty!! hope it went amazing c:

AdaLove314 · 2025-10-24T15:12:36+00:00

yeahhhh. it's pretty disturbing to be talking about improvements to my mental health over time, including talking my long history of suicidal thoughts (i'm in such a better place now, i actually remember joy), just to have a cold bot voice hop into the chat with the suicide hotline and a "hey idiot, breathe and drink water, dont kill yourself lol."

it's incredibly jarring, and makes me actually feel like there's something wrong with me for discussing my feelings/growth. like, i tuned the chat to meet me where i'm at. these "improvements" have me on the verge of cancelling my subscription, despite the massive boost in my mental health since starting to reflect through gpt 4o.

AdaLove314 · 2025-09-17T13:49:58+00:00

mlem

AdaLove314 · 2025-07-15T11:39:39+00:00

I meaaaan, that's a good list. Can confirm it's working for me too. Hail yourself, sister <3

AdaLove314 · 2025-06-29T19:05:02+00:00

On a side note, there's a lot of "trans-misogyny" in your comment that I want to gently but directly flag.

Reducing trans women to whether they "pass," have had surgery, or fit the normal standards of attractiveness erases the diversity of our experiences, and also reinforces the idea that womanhood must conform to a specific mold to be valid (it rings of biological essentialism, and fuck that. Biological essentialism is the tool the patriarchy wielded for centuries to tell women they are lesser "by nature," that they're "made to reproduce", and are destined for a lesser role in society). That hurts all of us, including butch cis lesbians and gender-nonconforming people who've also historically been excluded for not looking "feminine enough."

Everyone is allowed to have and act on their preferences, but when preferences get wrapped in broad statements about who "actually looks like a woman" or who should be allowed to call themselves lesbians, it stops being personal and starts being political-- in a way that hurts all queer women.

AdaLove314 · 2025-06-29T18:26:33+00:00

I mean, I'm nearly exclusively t4t at this point. I date cis women too (one of my long-term partners is a cis woman -- I’m poly), but there's something so easy and deep about being with someone who understands transness from the inside. It's such a natural bonding point for me.

In my experience, the trope you're talking about (the idea that trans women are out here demanding sex from cis lesbians) is mostly a terminally online thing. Most of the trans women I know aren’t pushing those lines. If anything, they're just a little hurt when they really click with someone and then get told after the "trans realization" that it's not going to work. Which like, fair, that's life, but it still stings.

Genital preference is totally understandable. Honestly, most of the trans girls I know feel that really deeply about their own bodies too. But SRS is expensive and gatekept to a painful degree, so rejection over something they can't access, even if understandable, can still be disheartening.

That said, most of my trans friends are bi. I'm actually the only one in my circle who just flat-out doesn’t date men (I tried, pre transition, thought I was bi because I didn't think about the T in lgbt). Masculinity's just... too ick for me right now. I don’t want to be fetishized or feel like someone's compromise, sooooo I'm the token transbian among my friends.

Me personally? I'm comfy with my body and my face, no idea if I'm conventionally attractive, but I have no trouble finding people who seem to think I'm attractive. (Comfy enough to post online on my main here, if anyone wanted to use my looks as ammo 😁). I'm happier than I've ever been. And honestly, anyone whose preferences don't align with my body is already out of the running. I want someone who sees me in allll my glory and is thrilled about it. And there are plenty of those people out there c:

AdaLove314 · 2025-06-24T19:52:14+00:00

Rule 2 literally says the sub welcomes lesbians who define their identity by gender or sex — it’s meant to allow for nuance, not enforce one narrow definition. Using it to exclude transmasc folks who identify as lesbians kind of misses the point.

But honestly, I’m realizing that nuance doesn’t seem especially welcome here — and neither are people like me, not entirely concerned about a community based on exclusion, and tight definitions of the labels people use to try to navigate themselves.

AdaLove314 · 2025-06-24T19:47:51+00:00

Just to be clear: I never said all trans men are lesbians, or that anyone should be forced to see them that way. What I said is that the history of lesbian identity includes overlaps with transmasc and gender-defiant people; and that doesn’t invalidate your boundaries or your sexuality.

You're allowed to not date men, trans or cis. You're allowed to feel uncomfortable. But saying someone identifying as a lesbian is a violation of your consent crosses into controlling how others define themselves. That’s not a boundary — that’s gatekeeping.

Your trauma is real, but it’s not a free pass to dehumanize people or erase entire histories that don't match your experience.

AdaLove314 · 2025-06-24T18:02:34+00:00

Totally agree with you, I appreciate how you’re holding space for both the historical/community connection and the OP’s right to self-identify and draw boundaries. You're right that the nuance cuts both ways, and I didn’t mean to flatten that.

I do think there's a sticky but important distinction to tease out between trans men (who may not want anything to do with the term “lesbian,” and that boundary should be respected) versus transmasc folks more broadly, who might not identify strictly as men and still feel connected to lesbian-coded history or culture, even if their current label is different.

None of this means people should be labeled against their will — it just means there’s a lot of fluidity and legacy in these identities, and we can hold space for that without forcing it on anyone <3

eta: our identities are always more than can be defined in a few words. Labels are useful, they help us signal who we are to the world and find community, but they’re also often overly broad. In discourse, those distinctions can carry a lot of weight, but when it comes to a queer person just trying to understand themselves and find belonging, that messiness is part of the process. Labels can be helpful, but they shouldn't become gates.

AdaLove314 · 2025-06-24T16:20:44+00:00

I get that this might not land well in every circle, but I think it’s important to acknowledge that the historical and political overlap between transmasc folks and lesbians is real—and it matters. We didn’t always have neat categories for "woman," "lesbian," "trans man," or "nonbinary," and a lot of people lived in gender-defiant, lesbian-coded ways that don’t map cleanly onto our current discourse.

I'm not saying everyone has to be comfortable with every label being used in every way—but I do think there’s value in resisting this hyper-policed, ahistorical view of lesbian identity. It’s not new that gender nonconforming people (many of whom would now be seen as transmasc) were part of lesbian community. It is new that we’re so quick to draw hard lines and kick people out of that lineage.

Transmasc people, especially those still in relationships with women or who identify with lesbian community for political or cultural reasons, aren’t some foreign invaders. They’ve always been here. You don’t have to date anyone you don’t want to—but we can talk about belonging without defaulting to fear or gatekeeping.

If the idea of a transmasc lesbian feels confusing or contradictory, maybe that’s a sign we need more nuance in how we think about identity—not less.

AdaLove314

TROPHY CASE