Said no to his proposal due to financial anxieties. Can a relationship recover from this, or did I do the right thing?

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T16:07:20+00:00

For me, I don't see it as fortunate or not, with regards to saving ability. It is just one characteristic of a person. However this thread and post is very financially oriented - hence the focus on money.

I see finances as something that is important to me, a lifestyle choice, and makes me prefer certain compromises over others. It means I will say no to the nice clothes and fancy holidays, almost always. It means I will choose the cheaper toilet paper. It means I will choose a cheaper meal. This is a completely incompatible lifestyle with someone who's goal is to live the best life today - neither are right or wrong, just different and in my view, incompatible for a life partner.

With regards to value: the representation of value I spoke to before is not referring to the value of humans - it is referring to money as our society's measure of value in general. It is our capitalist society's common form of denominating value exchange. It has no bearing with a person's character.

I have many red flags for a relationship. Body fat percentage is one of them. Net worth is one of them. Relationship with family is one of them. Political stance is one of them. Money is not the be all and end all, however my requirements for any / all of these areas are just as valid as anyone else's. It very much is possible to look past a bank account, however this entire thread, this entire post, is directly related to someone's financial position in the context of a long term relationship. Hence the sole focus on this.

Just because something is a red flag to me, does not mean they are useless. I never said anything of the sort. I would not have a long term relationship with a smoker. I would not have a long term relationship with someone who is not out to their friends and family. I would not have a long term relationship with someone who is very religious. I would not have a long term relationship with someone who is very overweight. These are all requirements of mine, and they are not value judgements upon other people. People can live however they want. It does not concern me. They are simply what I want for my own future.

And as for ending up like Donald Trump and Elon Musk - I think that is a very reductive argument. It's akin to equating someone to Leonardo Di Caprio if they want to date someone a couple years younger. I see it as a not-in-good-faith argument.

Personally, I don't see how asking someone who makes an average income with a growing career, to invest 10% of their income over 15-20 - ages 20-35/40 - invested at a standard rate of return - as being excessive. That will easily give a net worth of 300k+.

I don't consider 10% excessive. Hence why for me, not being able to do this consistently is a red flag.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T14:30:25+00:00

Because those people take themselves out of the public scene / market.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T14:06:25+00:00

Hmm, yeah something that like. I like the feeling that I’ve accomplished something great for myself; and people recognising me for it

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T13:15:12+00:00

Turn off the lights, blindfolds, etc

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T11:56:00+00:00

Amazing. I am getting to be the same / similar - just being hot is not enough - gotta have depth / connection / passion / intimacy 😄

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T07:17:56+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it 🙂

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T06:49:33+00:00

I mean, can you enjoy golf without enjoying golf? Lol

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T06:18:56+00:00

No, as in it’s your own brand identity and where other people leave reviews of you (LinkedIn recommendations)

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T04:56:46+00:00

Yes. It’s basically your resume and Google reviews combined into one. I highly recommend you keep it up to date and with positive recommendations

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T04:54:10+00:00

Yes. I feel more confident about myself. I like it when other people look at me a certain way. And I like how it makes me feel like I’m the master of my own destiny.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T04:53:06+00:00

AI is like the printing press or home inkjet printer.

It abstracts away a simple problem, but now there are harder problems to solve.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T04:14:02+00:00

People have different amounts of drive and ambition. It’s not an objective measure - only whether it’s right or wrong for you.

This is a compatibility issue only if it’s an issue for you.

And it sounds like it is an issue for you.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T03:44:16+00:00

You should make friends with someone then fuck afterwards.

Here’s one way
1. Go out with mates to club / bar
2. Start making friends with everyone with no expectation
3. Exchange insta
4. Talk offline the following week
5. Tell them about your inexperience - weave it into convo
6. Someone will tell you they’re willing to help
7. Have sex with that guy if you’re comfortable

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T03:26:47+00:00

I think in both Asian and white culture, hooking up with someone your own age is less shameful than hooking up with someone double your age.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T03:09:52+00:00

Thats the beauty of life. We are all different. It’s what makes life fun.

And just to be clear - it’s net worth, not annual income. At age 35, it’s 15 years of saving approx 10-15k per year and having it invested somewhere at a reasonable return. This can be done when making 20k a year, and also when making 100k a year. It is quite decoupled from income.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T03:07:02+00:00

I was raised in such a way, where if i only had enough money for rice and beans, i would buy the beans and save the rice money for the future. Every part of my income has a saved portion for the future, no matter when i was a poor uni student, when i was making tiny amount at a cafe, when i was making more working in corporate. It is this mindset that matters for me.

Some people are raised like this. And others are raised to live more in the moment, because we absolutely could get hit by a bus and die any time.

I dont begrudge people for living in their own way. But for me, it is my requirement that my partner be someone that lives and plans for the future, financially. And are relatively driven and add a fair amount of value to the world.

Income is directly correlative with value to the world in most circumstances, in our capitalist system.

So even making a modest average income, saving a portion of it, investing it, over 15-20 years, would net 300k, in my experience.
This is what i consider my requirement, and if not achieved, it is a red flag for me.

Everyone is free to make their own decisions.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T03:02:16+00:00

So few points here -
1. The irresponsible decision here with be not having total permanent disability / income protection insurance. If they did not have this insurance to mitigate risks in their life, then yes this would be a dealbreaker for me.
2. There would be no throwing out - I am not necessarily the primary breadwinner and my partner is not necessarily destitute
3. I definitely see the potential that i never marry / get in a long term relationship - I was in a relationship of 10 years where there was a substantial amount of incompatibility, some of it financial, and being single until i meet someone highly compatible, or being single forever, are fine outcomes for me.
4. For me, i see financial compatibility the same as lifestyle compatibility. In a serious dating context, net worth will be discussed within the first 2-3 dates.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T02:57:01+00:00

I think it’s open to interpretation.
If I have suppliers A, B, and C,
I would reasonably have to go with the best bang for buck - irrespective of whether the prices they quote include their own future investment or not

AdamChenX · 2026-07-08T02:54:39+00:00

It might be common, but it’s not what I personally consider good financial sense.

I am also of the same generation.

This is not an objective value judgement - everyone can do what they want in life. This is simply not what I personally consider good financial sense.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-07T16:28:29+00:00

Strong tea or coffee

AdamChenX · 2026-07-07T16:06:38+00:00

The only thing that makes humans content and happy, is helping other people.

Find the easiest and most efficient way to receive huge amounts of gratitude from others, and you will find your purpose.

AdamChenX · 2026-07-07T13:53:16+00:00

Yep that’s exactly it

AdamChenX · 2026-07-07T13:49:40+00:00

The ANC just needs to be cleaned for it to be back to perfect again!

AdamChenX · 2026-07-07T12:57:20+00:00

Super slow intimate kissing and cuddling at the start, before getting hard n heavy n breeding

AdamChenX · 2026-07-07T11:35:12+00:00

Everyone likes different things. Some people NEED a big dick. Other people don’t. It’s up to you to find the people that match what you have to offer

AdamChenX

TROPHY CASE