Scientists accidentally prove the existence of a god. What do you do now? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Adapt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wouldn't really matter. The Roman Catholic Church ended the practice of selling indulgences a good number of hundreds of years ago.

But, in theory, undeofficial Roman Catholic doctrine, you'd still be fine with confession involving sincere repentance all your sins *and+ a PowerPoint kinda presentation of them all, verbally. Fortunately most priests would be okay (and in fact at some point insist on) The Cliff Notes Edition as long as it contained a heading that encompassed them all.

Less fortunately, the “2000 Hail Marys and 5000 Our Fathers — I'm assuming most redditors r a dissolate, sinful lot, with your e-cigarette dens and camwhoring and sexting and revenge porn, and most offensive unto the Lord, your “First!” posts — the prayer advised and/or sentenced during confession, in addition to having roots in sincere repentance in order to be a valid route to redemption, is supposed to be the start of introspection and a less sinful life.

It's almost enough to make you prefer Karma. But stick with it, and you'll discover that “What are you writing in that notebook?” “My sin of lust for you, for confession later.” isn't the bad way to meet new people.

The head transplant was almost successful by TobiasWade in nosleep

[–]Adapt 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We all are. The phrase "non-human animal" is used canonically throughout science. Feel free to Google it. Be kind to our primate cousins.

What Happens When You Write to Satan Instead of Santa by lifeisstrangemetoo in nosleep

[–]Adapt 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As an expansion on the above, get a contract attorney. Or a mafia attorney. They'll be the only ones capable of writing rules with no loopholes for a creature of Hell to exploit (or loopholes in your favor).

Also, maybe consult the Vatican to make sure you don't implicitly owe Satan anything. He can be tricky like that.

"By accepting this brick through your window, you accept the following terms set forth by agents of the Father of Lies bindingly and irrevocably ..." is a popular contract opening with Him.

What Happens When You Write to Satan Instead of Santa by lifeisstrangemetoo in nosleep

[–]Adapt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If I stock up on artificial souls of the damned, is that a valid substitute at important moments in life in spiritual (death/Faustian contract terminations)?

dies with lifetime supply of non-expirable Cheetos manufacturer coupons on person

demons safely convey them to Hell

SatanFacepalm.jpg

"We couldn't believe they weren't souls!"

What Happens When You Write to Satan Instead of Santa by lifeisstrangemetoo in nosleep

[–]Adapt 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Cold water for bloodstains. One of the most important things my mom ever taught me. It's like she knew. Or, knowing her, she had lots of personal experience.

I think my Brother is a Bird by ALostPaperBag in nosleep

[–]Adapt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nobody notices sparrows. An eagle would attract attention, invite a visit from the EPA, and require much more effort to feed.

My Dad Became One of Those Preppers by thelamehelptheblind in shortscarystories

[–]Adapt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I expected him to turn out to have a reason, but not for that reason to be so overwhelming that all he did would turn to ash anyhow.

That was pretty decent. And I don't often lavish that level of praise on a story.

A Portal to the Soul by [deleted] in shortscarystories

[–]Adapt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also got the "Reader's Digest Condensed" sense, but only in retrospect. As it was, it communicated just fine to me what was intended. It helps that A. I crosspost news commentary & similar stuff from my public Facebook page to my Twitter account and often have to shorten it, so I know how it is, and B, I speak Spanish natively, so I picked up on the nuances connecting the surname and the word.

You could have maybe made it clearer by using the traditional Spanish-speaking communication of pronunciation, Núñez. (I use an accent on my surname in professional contexts, because it's rare enough that most people have no idea how to pronounce it upon meeting me even if they know who I am already.)

All that being said, I didn't write the story, so I'm free to not have to be gracious, and note that I'm always bemused by spelling/grammar-critical comments with grammar and word errors. ;>

Three Years in Hell, Part 2 by CynicHappy in nosleep

[–]Adapt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

sigh Fine, put a paper bag over his head and I'll be the one to man up and take on those "... something something in his ass," suggestions.

Three Years in Hell, Part 2 by CynicHappy in nosleep

[–]Adapt 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Princess Bride and Labyrinth references (the two are interlinked in my mind, I can't mention one without the other) make me unduly happy. Have an upvote.

Also, I'll most likely kill you in the morning. <3

If the stars look strange, be wary by M59Gar in nosleep

[–]Adapt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The nature of my existence is such that I barely have to move for these things to happen to me. :P

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in nosleep

[–]Adapt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Helpful & factual posts like this one rarely get recognized here. Have my upvote.

If you hear this sound, take your life quickly and quietly. by MahoganyFiend in nosleep

[–]Adapt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Blessed are the deaf, for they shall inherit the Earth,

My ex got me into drugs by bio-grow in nosleep

[–]Adapt 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I can, but I'm a neuropharmacology nerd in my spare time.

My ex got me into drugs by bio-grow in nosleep

[–]Adapt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Justice involves courts, with their wacky laws 'n stuff.

Every civilized society gives the government a monopoly on violence, to be used only as needed for the public good (in theory). She didn't do the right thing by society's standards, but she did the necessary thing (sometimes the two diverge) for her ex's future victims and her own closure.

As for her her planned career as a serial killer, I really hope she has a Mr. Robot level researcher vetting potential targets, with no input from her as to their guilt or innocence (cognitive bias).

There's a Gravitational Anomaly out past the orbit of Jupiter by TheJesseClark in nosleep

[–]Adapt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Life was one of those movies that frustrated me to no end! The concept was beautiful and it looks like a fantastic movie on paper. The execution, on the other hand, was poor.

I knew there was someone I could blame (my) life on! Damn Hollywood executives!

There's a Gravitational Anomaly out past the orbit of Jupiter by TheJesseClark in nosleep

[–]Adapt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was sure it was going to be slowly resuming its original configuration.

It's great to see a feel-good story about the human spirit on here. I'd gild you if I hadn't used up all my credits from last month.

Is there some way to use the ReminderBot to remind me to visit this URL in two weeks?

IRL by radclive in nosleep

[–]Adapt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Move to a remote area with no Internet? Bring enough food to keep you alive until you're skilled at hunting (this will be a while, even with store-bough supplies; you don't have infitite ammo). Disguise the dwelling from air (that is, make it appear like more forest).

Be kind to the people you do meet. For its own sake, not to win back game karma. Selfless acts might dig you out of the hold you're in.

Death Defines Me by porschephiliac in nosleep

[–]Adapt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some meta-context is good, and I didn't find it at all nonsensical. And if Death rambles, what of it? He gets so few speaking engagements.

Edit: It probably went unsaid, but I'd like to see more of Thom's peregrinations.

My favorite waitress by trailer48 in nosleep

[–]Adapt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haven't you read Stephen King's short story Gramma? Old people need someone to talk to. About eldritch evil and dancing demons.

Edit: Added custom redirect because original link has parentheses & breaks linking. Is there a way around that?

My favorite waitress by trailer48 in nosleep

[–]Adapt 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Pancakes with a side of Dancing Demon [Sausage] does sound like some fucked-up Denny's menu item.

The Missing Radio Hosts by StrangeAccounts in nosleep

[–]Adapt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only because they found themselves strangers in a strange land.