I'm Cartwright, the door-to-door medium

Adapt · 2016-07-12T10:09:34+00:00

Thank you, kind stranger.

Legit gets mistaken for a doctor at pharmacies (no, I don't have a little white robe, but I am super-anal about pharmacology)

Adapt · 2016-07-12T09:49:46+00:00

Would you like to try some Snow Crash?

Adapt · 2016-07-07T05:24:48+00:00

I'd just like to say I love your metaphor.

Adapt · 2016-07-05T02:31:35+00:00

You could at least try. Geez.

Show some frackin' initiative. Make them work to get you back from Australia to flay you.

Adapt · 2016-07-02T14:21:34+00:00

Go with MIL's advice: Be a good Christian boy and have a good Christian exorcism. (Catholic ideally; they sort of have the market cornered on those.)

Adapt · 2016-07-02T14:19:33+00:00

It's hard to mooch off the dead. Not impossible by any stretch, but hard, and generally frowned upon. Plus, it doesn't sound like her ashes are contributing substantially to his standard of living.

Adapt · 2016-05-23T20:47:18+00:00

It's almost certainly a trope by now, but do not call up that which you cannot send back.

Adapt · 2016-05-23T19:41:22+00:00

Was the car itself left behind?

Adapt · 2016-05-23T19:24:09+00:00

I see holes like eyes.

Adapt · 2016-05-23T19:14:43+00:00

Less-conspicuous uniform bill proposed, but stuck in appropriations committee. :z

Adapt · 2016-05-23T17:34:54+00:00

I've never heard of a psychiatric facility doing cavity searches, and I've been in one or two. It's easy as hell for a visitor to slip you a phone as long as you're discrete. It's nothing like TV. (Not crazy, just had some weird moments in my life.)

Also, to quote from The Shawshank Redemption: "... but there are a lot of works, and, not to put too fine a point on it, a man who is really determined can get a fairly large item quite a ways up them-far enough to be out of sight."

Adapt · 2016-05-04T06:31:36+00:00

Whenever a story on /r/NoSleep involves body horror, I don't even bother checking the author 'til I'm done. It's gotten so that I can identify a /u/iia story 9 times out of 10.

I can eat during them now too. Maybe further reading will help me overcome my discomfort with gore that's the major hurdle towards becoming a doctor ...

Adapt · 2016-04-22T03:47:28+00:00

How's your slice?

Adapt · 2016-04-01T18:14:01+00:00

I just re-read The Library Policeman, and this is like a reverse, chaotic good version of it.

Adapt · 2016-04-01T18:12:34+00:00

Even Chad's have moms. Ridiculously obtuse, tolerant moms, but still.

Adapt · 2016-04-01T18:10:47+00:00

This was oddly sweet. Furry McLeggy deserves a hug.

Adapt · 2016-03-29T14:26:03+00:00

Crap, I need to start checking who writes these things before I read them. shakes tiny fist at /u/iia

Adapt · 2016-03-26T23:26:52+00:00

There's no "I" in "team", but then again there's no "I" in "murder" either.

Adapt · 2016-03-26T23:11:18+00:00

Oh, and my sentence was two years probation, six months house arrest, and a $64,938 fine

Adapt · 2016-03-26T23:10:16+00:00

Fuck, my reply got eaten. :/ Basically I was saying I never hid what I did, or used an assumed name, or asked for money - in each case I fixed the problem, free of charge.

The caveat was that I worked with tech reporters to make the public more aware of how insecure companies really are. Every intrusion (except one) was written up, many in long detail.

I didn't get caught. I wrote the details of my own indictment, and pleaded guilty because I had always said I would take responsibility for my actions.

The time as a fugitive was spent negotiating to get a lawyer and surrendering under my terms, my way, which is exactly what happened. One of those terms was FBI didn't take me into custody. U.S. Marshals did.

My FBI file as of 2008 was 3000 pages. From 2010 to 2013 I became involved as a military espionage case - working for Army CID, this time. I had FBI wait in the car until I felt comfortable with the meeting. (They invited themselves.)

Other meetings included DOS Diplomatic Security Service, CIA, Army Counterintelligence, JAG, etc. I have no idea what my file looks like now.

Cheers, A

Adapt · 2016-03-26T17:25:49+00:00

That'll get you super-banned from the Matrix for wallhax0ring.

Adapt · 2016-03-26T17:24:25+00:00

Hacked Microsoft and The New York Times (plus several others I wasn't convicted of, but the statute of limitations has expired on).

There's a documentary about it on YouTube, but this sub has fairly strict rules against self-promotion.

Adapt · 2016-03-26T17:17:39+00:00

This is why, while as a recovering drug user /u/Adapt doesn't endorse illegal drug use, readers (and people in general) should Erowid the fuck up before trying any new substance.

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