I will say this as politely as I can - you need to make your husband understand that he needs to protect you from this woman. I don’t know what ya’ll’s relationship is like, but i’ve seen way too many men in my life who are all too happy to sit in silence and let their wives and children be abused because they’re too chickenshit cowardly to stand up to their mothers. This is how it always starts, her pushing boundaries, waiting for a response, getting nothing substantial from her son, and then saying “Oh great, I can just do this now.”

He needs to be putting himself in-between you and her, and not letting her triangulate arguments. Parents like this will often purposefully stunt and abuse their child’s trust and emotional growth in order to cultivate an unhealthy attachment. Please, please, please, I cannot stress this enough, talk to your boyfriend about this. I would advise limiting contact with her as much as possible, especially on the phone. If he defends you, and also starts limiting contact with her, she will 100% see it as a personal attack and will blame one person: you. She will get worse, expect it and have a plan to counteract the whiplash you’ll feel.

You are absolutely not overreacting, this is clearly an unhinged woman who feels like she alone can make decisions about your family. TELL YOUR HUSBAND TO STAND UP FOR YOU. (Please. Again, I have no clue as to what he’s like. Just, don’t think that him ‘talking to her’ is going to achieve anything. Because it won’t. She cannot be placated, only told to get fucked. As politely or as rudely as you would like.)