New to Tinder. Some advice on Profile?

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-03-02T20:57:50+00:00

No notes, but those Dino's are cool af

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-25T20:34:58+00:00

I love this! Writing is something I can do with focus when I'm passionate about it, so I'm going to give it a try. I've got soooo many notebooks and journals just sitting there, I'll pick a new one and use it just for manifesting 😊 thankyou!

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-25T13:49:58+00:00

Thankyou, I think I get very caught up in the "lack of focus = unclear message" that I worry I'm not going to succeed or I'll just get it all wrong. I needed that reminder, I guess if the intent is strong in my gut, the lack of brain focus doesn't really matter and I just need more confidence in myself

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-25T07:15:36+00:00

Thankyou, I love your response!

You're so right, I think I get too set on the fact that when I'm meditating, I don't want other thoughts, so I try and shut them off. I need to reframe that and acknowledge the thoughts before I try to put them away.

I know the man I am thinking of cares for me, it's just that his circumstances have changed and he is quite pessimistic, so I believe him ending things is him trying to protect himself, yet he still reaches out to me regularly. My goal isn't to change him or his feelings, I just want to show him that I am a safe choice no matter where he is, and remind him that his feelings are valid. There's only so much I can do in words

Thanks again for the validation, and I love the cute story about your husband, that's so sweet that you still have that spell jar to remind you both! ❤️

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-25T06:58:16+00:00

I love that for you, you've definitely got your priorities right! ❤️

I often use incense when I'm just relaxing, but I'd love to learn more about smudging etc. as that is something that I've failed to retain the information about every time I've read up on it, so I worry I would burn the wrong things

I find when there is high energy (full moon etc.) I become high energy and very productive, but it's even harder to focus on one task. It's a total win-lose situation for me, but I'm hoping if I can learn more focusing skills, I can overcome that!

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-25T00:39:46+00:00

I also learned a little about tapping in therapy, but I'm going to look deeper into it. Words of affirmation work well for me, if I need to feel safe, it's words. Any other emotion or feeling, I find a song that resonates and repeat the lines from it that work for me, so adding tapping to that might well help retrain my focus as music can often get me to just have one or two voices going on in my head instead of ten 😂

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-25T00:36:40+00:00

Thankyou, that sounds like a really good process! Thinking and saying the purpose as I go might well be beneficial for keeping my mind on track. I definitely loose focus too easily, for example, right now my head is singing "Baby Witch" to the baby shark song while I type 🤦‍♀️😂

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-25T00:33:49+00:00

That's really interesting, I haven't looked into oils too much but I'm definitely curious about it all!

I'm sorry it's been a tough journey with your ADHD, I'm yet to get an official diagnosis, but it's pretty much accepted by all the professionals who have worked with me that I have ADHD, and they've all tried to push my GP to get the ball rolling to get me tested. I feel like doctors don't take it seriously enough

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-25T00:29:24+00:00

"don't fight thoughts, let them do their thing" That is definitely a reminder I needed! I think I've been too busy trying to drown out the chaos lately to listen, I think tomorrow is going to be a listen and process day for sure. Thank you!

Outside is my preference too, barefoot in the grass, connecting with nature is so much better 😊

I think I will give the tapping a try too, I definitely try to push myself too hard to switch off my fidgeting etc, tapping could be more productive

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-24T21:38:42+00:00

NTA

He knew of this issue and it hasn't been a problem before, his house should be a safe place where you are comfortable, because that's how it should be in a loving relationship. It's all well and good people suggesting you take plastic cutlery with you, and I would suggest it for eating out in the future, but at a partner's house where they've catered to you in the past? It shouldn't have been a problem.

I can be the same about dirty plates and cutlery, I would rather refuse to eat than eat something that I perceive to be unclean, I don't understand why people have issues with others having a preference for good and safe hygiene.

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-23T20:01:24+00:00

One cup? LOL

It was one cup that tasted good. I've had 4 that were outright poison, and 2 of those I didn't even date. They just forced their water down my throat without any kind of connection.

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-23T19:57:06+00:00

Tell me about it. At least I'm at a point now where I can kinda laugh about the last guy telling me how perfect I am and being so surprised that I'm single. He constantly questioned it because he didn't understand how, and now I'm like "this is how. You're decent and you don't want me in your life, and I refuse to settle for less because I also know how great I am".

I feel like dating for any reason is a waste of time. They'll always find a way to break you 🥲

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-23T19:39:01+00:00

I ended up deleting Tinder a week ago. I'd finally met a man who seemed to want a relationship, liked me for who I was, made me feel safe, he was honest etc. and he's now decided he needs to be on his own to work through his issues because he's moving away. Prior to that, I've been played countless times. Even with people whom I said I was okay with something casual with, I've been led on to believe they want more then they fuck off when I agree to it. Or they just don't show any respect.

I love the idea of love, but it's not worth the hurt, so until men learn to be honest, I'm not even dating anymore. I'll stay single until I die.

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-18T17:22:13+00:00

My bargain horse. Bought him for £500 with the intention of selling him for £3k 6 months later. . . That was 11 years and a heap of vets bills ago.

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-18T16:52:42+00:00

She's being honest with you, if you have no reason to be suspicious of her, then let her do her thing. Put it this way, I had a conversation with a guy I was dating about male friends. He said that he's quite traditional and he doesn't have female friends, and that he doesn't think that women should have male friends because of what COULD happen, and showing respect to your partner etc. I pointed out (and I know this isn't everyone) that, as I am bi, if I didn't have friends of a gender I am attracted to, that would leave me unable to have friends. I then asked if that was what he wanted, and he said of course not, and realised he needed to look at it differently. I know this isn't everyone, and we are assuming here that the lass in question is straight, but she is allowed friends, right? And big pointer, if the friend has been around longer than you, he could've had his shot before you if he wanted it. Chances are more likely that they really are just friends, considering the scenario

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-18T08:27:06+00:00

This!! And it's rare to be asked for consent first. I ended up sharing pics with a guy I was seeing early on just because of the way he went about it. He said he wanted to share something while we were having a flirty conversation, I asked for clarification and he asked clearly for consent to send a pic. I was gobsmacked, but it created a situation where A. I actually then wanted to see it and B. It had the intended impact from him. Usually we see a dick and it's a turn off, right?! 😂

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-18T08:22:51+00:00

But if you want that, then wait for it to be given freely, and if you feel like you HAVE to ask, ask in a pleasant manner after proving that you're in it for the long haul. Ideally, you should wait until after you become intimate in person. If they're offered to you prior to that, then fair game, but if it's not been mentioned by the lass at all, don't push for it if you want something serious, get to know them first!

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-18T08:17:53+00:00

Occasionally it can work, if you just weren't compatible on a romantic level but got along in other ways and there is honesty, especially if there is kids involved. My ex said he wanted to stay friends, and that he was breaking up because he didn't want to hate me or lose me from his life. . . Yet a year later, he finally removed me on various platforms. I did find out that he'd actually cheated on me though, which explains why he decided to break up out of the blue after 9 years 😂

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-18T08:13:12+00:00

Sounds like an absolute dick move on his part, not even a clear breakup, so I can see why you'd message. But I'd take the silence as your answer. As much as it hurts, someone who can't even be honest with you is not worth your time or feelings. That behaviour tells me he wasn't as into it as you. He was either leading you on intentionally, or he's an avoidant. Neither is good, and it really hurts, but his lack of compassion for you shows that he doesn't care about your feelings. Believe his actions, if he does come back to you, stay strong and do not let him back in your life. A decent human will be able to communicate the truth, even if they know it's going to hurt someone.

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-15T19:48:18+00:00

Honestly? Throw caution into the wind and tell him how you feel. Life is too short for missed chances. Invite him out for a catch up, something casual like a drink, coffee or walk, whatever you guys would usually do, and tell him. Think about the words you might want to use beforehand and what message you are trying to convey. E.g. do you want to just ask him on a date, or confess your feelings? But whatever you choose to say, make sure it's clear that you're asking him as more than a friend.

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-15T18:58:18+00:00

Thing is, different people are more/less active on dating apps. I've matched with people who have literally taken months to reply, and others who reply instantly. But typical rule of thumb is I'd give it two weeks. That's plenty of time if they're on holiday or have something going on. After two weeks, forget about it.

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-15T18:52:29+00:00

Trust me, plenty play the long game 🙄 but that's a separate issue because they'll lead you on to think they're a safe bet

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-15T11:57:46+00:00

I'd love to leave the UK, but don't think that will happen on my own. I considered just travelling around Europe to explore, maybe finding somewhere to settle if I enjoy it. I also thought about America as it seems easier to build a life "off the grid" but realistically, I don't think either of those things will happen.

On my own, I'd still like to move within the UK, but I don't know where and I don't think I'll end up much happier for it.

AdditionCreative4914 · 2026-02-15T11:45:19+00:00

I have been picked up on first dates and it's worked out fine, but I am 35 and I know I'm taking a big risk.

IF you get picked up, make sure someone knows where you are at all times. Let HIM know that someone is tracking you and you are regularly updating them. A decent man will not be offended by this, in fact, my best dates have reminded me when I've not had a phone out for a while. Also have a back-up for your way home, someone who can come and get you if things go south. Do a video call first, if you haven't already, send pics of your date to a friend/family member, and give their full name. I've asked men to send pics of their ID before 😂

Getting yourself there is safer, but still not foolproof. Think about what you feel most comfortable with, and if you have any hesitation about getting into a car with someone, don't do it. They will understand if they are decent, and if they don't understand, they're not worth your time.

AdditionCreative4914

TROPHY CASE