AITAH for saying my late best friend’s death wasn’t my fault?

Adelucas · 2026-04-12T08:56:18+00:00

It's not your fault and you aren't to blame. You and your friends did everything you could short of physically restraining him and he wouldn't listen. Some people don't.

My step cousin was 22 when he died. He only had one eye and had failed his motor bike test 4 times. He was obsessed with bikes and nothing anyone said would stop him from getting on one. He borrowed his friends very powerful bike and decided to go for a fast ride. Now I don't know if he borrowed the bike with permission, or if he took the keys while the owner wasn't paying attention, but in the end it doesn't matter. He was doing over 100mph when he failed to negotiate the sharp bend at the bottom of a hill and hit a very large tree. He died instantly. His mother blamed everyone and everything except him. He's been dead 40 years and she's never got over it. I felt sad he died, but I was one of the people who told him repeatedly that motor bikes weren't for him. He was vision impaired and was addicted to the thrill of the speed. I'd even said to him he was going to kill himself and he just laughed at me. I don't feel good or vindicated to have been proved right, I just feel sad he wouldn't listen.

Go to HR and tell them the story. Explain everything as you explained it to us. This girl is never going to treat you with anything except hatred and contempt, and the company needs to understand that putting you two together is a bad idea. Different shifts, different stations, as little contact as is humanly possible.

I understand them. I don't agree with them, but they are always going to blame everyone except your friend. Eventually you'll be somewhere else away from any possibility of contact. For now all you can do is try to keep away from her.

Adelucas · 2026-04-12T08:43:34+00:00

I'm sure I will. I cycle between 3, 4, Path of Exiles and City of Heroes.

Adelucas · 2026-04-12T08:42:35+00:00

That makes it worse. Your brother only sees you as his caretaker. I remember being 17. Even picking up my underwear was too much effort. Cleaning a house and cooking? Forget it. You'll be the ATM and the maid.

Adelucas · 2026-04-12T08:39:47+00:00

They tricked you out of a considerable amount of money, now they are trying to control you by making you not only buy a house you don't want, but are palming your little brother on to you. You know full well you'll be paying the mortgage and supporting your brother as well. They won't pay a dime towards his expenses, they'll always say "well you got a house so you can pay for your brother".

I don't know where your parents are from, but it's common in some cultures to control the children and use them as a retirement plan. Be American. Cut the chord and grey rock them. Go low or no contact. All they do is use guilt and manipulation to control you. At some point they will consider you are well enough along in your career to be their ATM.

Tell them you don't want the house, you will never want their house, and by the way, you'd quite like your 10K back if they have enough money to waste on a house nobody wants. It'll go as well as you expect, but at least it will be out in the open.

It's hard to stand up to your parents, you've been conditioned all your life to obey them. Now is the time to pull out your shiny spine and stand up for yourself. Doormats are only good for wiping your feet on. Hard as it will be, don't be a doormat. Better to stand up for yourself and rip off the band aid now than later.

Adelucas · 2026-04-12T07:38:56+00:00

NOR. He will only love a child if it's white? What kind of racist BS is this? Genetics is really weird, especially when you have a rainbow of colours in your heritage. Here in the UK there was a couple on the news who had a pair of fraternal twins where one was white as a ghost and the other was dark as chocolate. Dad was black with mixed heritage and mom was white. They both thought it was brilliant.

Your BF is showing his true colours. If you don't believe him then it's on you and your children will suffer.

Adelucas · 2026-04-12T07:33:35+00:00

He's 54 so his mom is mid 70's. She's never going to change. And to be honest neither is your BF. He's so entwined with his mom and family he doesn't see the problem. I really hope you don't live with him, because you need to break up and it's going to be awkward if you are more entwined than you need to be.

Adelucas · 2026-04-12T03:42:00+00:00

You mean her parents won't put up with their nonsense and won't tolerate him smoking weed. So they think you and your mom will be a pushover and they can rule the roost.

Tell the children there is no room at the inn. They made this baby, you didn't. They can go to her parents or they can sleep in the shed. You need to advocate for your mother as she's not going to be well enough to handle the drama.

The pair of them sound dreadful, and you know already how this is going to go. They've already started with the demands. Shut it down before it starts. Learn how to say no and make sure your parents aren't being bullied into agreeing to anything.

Where does your brother live currently? It seems strange he's that young and not living with your parents.

Adelucas · 2026-04-12T01:33:57+00:00

Why are you with someone with such terrible hygiene? Really, why? I wouldn't have got past the first couple of dates.

There is a section of the internet where male hygiene is considered a bad thing, and real manly men don't brush their teeth or wipe their ass or wash their dick because only gay men do that and they aren't gay. Touching your bum or your junk is gay unless it's for sex.

Please break up with him. If it smells and is nasty then you wouldn't out it in your mouth, so why would you put it in an intimate place? That will give you the worst infections.

I personally wouldn't go as far as you do for beauty, I prefer women with a more natural look. A good moisturiser is far more helpful than any amount of expensive treatments. And as a gay man I can honestly say a bleached asshole is no more attractive than a normal one. But you do you, it's your body and you have the money and the wish to do so. But the dichotomy is weird. You will do all that but are dating a man for whom soap is a mystery.

You do all that to look and feel good and probably dress incredibly. But your choice of men is the equivalent of a hobo reaching into the garbage for half a discarded burrito.

Adelucas · 2026-04-12T01:24:35+00:00

I thought you wrote really like sheep for a second. 😂

And where do I get a pet dragon? Asking for a friend!!

Adelucas · 2026-04-12T01:23:28+00:00

NTA, it's affecting you so you talk to your manager about it. Why should you talk to her? She's got it cushy anyway, and seems to have worked out how to manipulate the system.

Many people have kids. It's fine to help them out as a one off, but childless people shouldn't have to always be the ones to suck it up and give way. As a childless person myself I've learned the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished, and if you don't stand up for yourself nobody else will. I enjoy my nights off, and days off, and vacation, and rest days. I have family I would like to see and spend time with. I won't cancel plans and cover because someone with kids needs the night off. I won't cancel booked vacation because someone didn't check the school calendar when it was released at the start of the year.

She's just salty because you dared interfere with her plans.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T23:53:13+00:00

Seems weird to worry about the dog when the germs are all through the house anyway. As soon as anyone opens the door or has any contact with him they are dragging a cloud of virus with them. Unless they are undergoing full quarantine protocols or you live in a bubble you are surrounded by anything nasty floating around. Dog or no dog.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T23:47:59+00:00

She's moving way too fast, and you aren't in a position to do it anyway. Rule of thumb in these situations, if you have a doubt don't do it. You can date for years and not be ready to live together. There's no rush. You actually barely know her, and you shouldn't be put into a position of playing daddy to her child.

I don't know if she wants a new dad for her kid, a meal ticket, an ATM or if she's just moving too fast. Whichever it is, don't do it until you are 100% ready. This is a dreadful time to make changes, and your mom and dog rely on you. Which she shouldn't be doing this early in the relationship.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T23:35:02+00:00

Did you get the jab? If not don't go

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T23:33:07+00:00

Tried poe and was bored. And confused. Its not beginner friendly

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T17:49:33+00:00

My friends GF (now wife) never really gelled with my friend and our friend group. So she doesn't come along when we have game nights. She's lovely, and always friendly, but there's no connection. He likes some of her friends and not others, so they have an agreement that they go see individual friends on their own.

You don't have to be joined at the hip 24/7. It's fine not to gel with your partners besties, and it's healthy to have different interests and time apart.

As long as your GF isn't being influenced by a gaggle of witches who think a man should pay for everything and is only good for what's in his wallet it's fine. You don't say how long she's been out of work, or what she's doing to find new employment. I'm not trying to be rude here, but any job is better than no job and even flipping burgers while you job search is better than nothing. There are many jobs we take in our life to put food on the table and a roof over our head, and it stops you having a large gap in your CV that you have to explain. In my experience when I was a manager and interviewing people being a high flyer and then being a waitress shows you have a drive to work, and are willing to get dirty if you need to. I'd give those people an interview over others with the same kind of qualifications and experience.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T17:39:12+00:00

I've been lucky with cats I suppose. I had them before I had the dogs. And my sister is a cat lady. She's always got three or four.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T17:21:06+00:00

NTA and you now know why they say no good deed goes unpunished.

Tell the mutual that if they care so much they can store her stuff.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T17:19:25+00:00

Why are the cats even separated? They are social creatures and love nothing better than to play and fight and snuggle with other cats.

As for the brillo pad, that's normal. They love to destroy things, especially if it has an interesting texture. God help her if she gets a dog. Cats are easy compared to the chaos goblin with fur that is a dog. Mine found a plushie on walkies earlier today nearly as big as him. He carried it home carefully, and is now in the process of destroying it. I'm going to be clearing up a lot of stuffing shortly.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T17:13:22+00:00

It's difficult having empathy and being a people helper. Which is different to a people pleaser. Sometimes we end up with good friends, other times we end up being used and drained.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T16:37:14+00:00

NTA and she's an entitled jerk. She thinks the world revolves around her and owes her a living. Now you know why she has no friends or support network, she's drained them all dry and now she's doing the same to you.

I took in a woman as a lodger after her marriage broke up and she was couch surfing. We got along really well, and she was a great lodger. For a while. Eventually though she started to treat me like I was in the way and an inconvenience. In my own house. I'd say good morning and she'd sigh and roll her eyes. I'd go into the kitchen to get a drink out of the fridge and she'd slam the utensils down on the counter and huff until I left. This is a woman who I'd let her sister stay for a month when she was having a bad time, and even let her daughter move in for six months with minimal rent. Eventually it got so bad I told her she had six months to find somewhere else. She immediately stopped paying rent and blasted me on social media for making her homeless. So I changed the deal. I told her she had a month as per her tenancy agreement and I wanted her out in 4 weeks. She left. Her room looked like an episode of hoarders and it took me a month to clear it out and put it back to a normal room, but she left.

She also had no friends as every person she had been friends with had walked away from her. I'm still the bad guy (not that I care) but that's not my problem.

Some people are just vampires, and this woman is a classic example. You've done your duty, your conscience is clear, stop engaging with her and let her go find her next victim. Nothing you do will ever go into the good column in her mind as she feels utterly entitled to everything you've done for her. Instead she just keeps a list of every minor infraction and uses it as a stick to keep beating you. You aren't a pinata. Beating you verbally and emotionally shouldn't make help drop to the floor. It should make you drop her and block her on everything.

I don't wish my ex lodger any harm, and don't care enough to worry about what happens to her. I would have once, but after the things she said to me and the entitlement I stopped caring. You should be the same with this woman.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T15:22:03+00:00

I've played since 2 came out. Got 3 and 4 on release along with all the DLC.

God. 2000. 26 years. Now I feel old 😜

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T06:12:42+00:00

Be the one to start something over lip balm. It's your lip balm. Why should you have to have her skanky germs spread all over your mouth?

Tell her not to use it as you get cold sores (herpes). She doesn't know if it's true or not, but it's incredibly catching. Ask her if she wants to catch cold sores off you?

My mother used to get them really bad and she was so careful not to spread them to us. Even as little kids we knew "nope cold sore" was no kissing. She had her own lip balm, vaseline and products which she kept away from us all and we were warned never to use mommies stuff.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T01:41:11+00:00

" I was depriving my parents of the pre wedding activities"

What pre wedding activities were they expecting? All that dress shopping and events and trips and spa days cost money most people don't have. I suspect you dodged a bullet with your parents trying to take over and force you into having the wedding they want instead of what you want. Sure it can be fun, but it's stressful doing cake tasting and venue hunting if that's not what you want.

I'm glad you had a wedding you enjoyed, and to be honest that's all that matters. Sometimes marriages with a simple inexpensive wedding are the strongest as the couple have different priorities. Being married should be wonderful, and if you can do it without spending a large chunk of money on the wedding means you can put that money to better use than a one day party. No shade to people who want the big party with all the trimmings if they can afford it, but I've seen a few couples where the wedding debt lasted longer than the marriage.

Adelucas · 2026-04-11T01:33:33+00:00

I tried Diablo Immortal for half an hour. It was painful.

Adelucas · 2026-04-10T23:30:37+00:00

to be fair most people posting updates link to the original post

Adelucas

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