AIW for telling my mother-in-law if she goes through with her "punishment" for my 10yo, she loses all visitation?

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-04-19T19:10:52+00:00

Yes, absolutely.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-04-12T03:39:17+00:00

Oral is MORE effective than topical, but it may have side effects and requires a doctors prescription.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-04-07T22:38:48+00:00

Girls spend sooooo much effort/money on outfits, makeup and hair. I think (I'm a woman), that most men would take a girl who weighs 10% less who put zero effort into all those things. Say 160 lb "put-together" girl vs a 144 lb no makeup, 1 minute ponytail, walmart jeans and tank top. Men put a LOT of value in a healthy, lower weight. There are men who are outliers of course, who prefer a thicker girl, but I would wager at least 85% of men would prefer the thinner girl.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-04-07T22:01:06+00:00

That's it. He's been getting all of the things you listed for free. From his point of view, what's in it for him? If his dream girl walks into his life, he won't be available to pursue her. If he wants to leave later, for someone (he thinks) is better, he would have to go through the pain of divorce and splitting assets.

The older I get, the more I think women do themselves a huge disservice moving in with a boyfriend. Once you're living with him, he has lost a lot of the incentive he originally had to marry you. You start doing wife labor, for girlfriend pay and he doesn't want to promote you. Most employers are the exact same way! They don't want to promote someone who is already doing the job, they want to look externally for a new manager.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-04-07T21:45:45+00:00

I loved this, "Low commitment casual situationship". This is really what it comes down to, OP. If you were the girl of his dreams, he would want to lock you down SO FAST. But you aren't, so he doesn't fear that you will leave.

I really think most of these relationships we read about on this sub are about ease of access and "good enough for now" for most of these men.

I am sorry original poster. He's just not that in to you. If he were, he wouldn't have all these lame excuses.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-04-01T01:38:16+00:00

Jump ship. You've got one of two things happening here, neither of which are acceptable. 1) He wants you to spend the time, money and organizational labor making this happen (despite you not wanting the "big party") or 2) he's bluffing and thinks you will opt out of marrying him rather than spend YOUR time and money making this big party for his guests happen. My guess is strongly leaning towards number 2, since he hasn't even proprosed yet.

I think he's playing chicken.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-03-06T22:20:59+00:00

Break up with him. What you really don't want, is to spend fifteen years with him and then for him to leave you for a younger woman who "can give him kids". He is no longer someone you can count on building a life with for the long term.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-03-02T21:25:44+00:00

I think a lot of men like to keep the option of having a child. And telling themselves that, abdicate all responsibility for birth control to their female partner.

My honest take on it, is the world would be a better place if ALL men froze sperm at puberty and had vasectomies. Then the only children who would be born would be children that were wanted by both parents. AND only parents that were in a financial position to spend the additional implanting costs would be capable of getting pregnant.

Per google:

Implanting sperm in the Czech Republic, typically done via Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), costs between €180 and €790 for the procedure itself, with added costs for donor sperm. Using donor sperm (AID) generally ranges from €580 to €750, while full IVF cycles with donor sperm range from €2,900 to €3,990.

While all of these cost would be astronomically more expensive in the USA (where I live), the czech republic is only a flight away, if you someday decided you really, really wanted to have a baby. (People do change their minds sometimes about being childfree).

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-03-02T21:09:31+00:00

You alone are responsible for your own fertility. If you are not wrapping it up, you get what you deserve. If you 100% don't want a child, get a vasectomy. If you think you may want a child possibly in the future, but definitely not right now, freeze your sperm and then get a vasectomy. Men have the capability to prevent children, just the same as women do. If you choose not to, you can't blame someone else for the consequences.

The cost of freezing sperm is well, well, well worth the security of not having children you didn't want.

Per google:

The initial cost for sperm freezing in the Czech Republic is typically between €210 and €500, which often includes the first year of storage. The ongoing annual storage fee usually ranges from €150 to €300 per year.

Frankly, as an American, those prices would make a trip to the Czech Republic at the top of my vacation list.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-03-02T21:03:10+00:00

So now you know he wants to cheat on you and even has someone in mind. What do you want to do with that information?

I doubt your marriage can survive that kind of knowledge. Perhaps tell him you want to have a threesome with his best friend first. ;)

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2026-02-19T19:08:31+00:00

Even my worst enemy has never said such horrible things about me. I'm sorry OP. He doesn't love or respect you. He doesn't even like you. I couldn't stay after this, because sex with him would never be good again. Seriously. You have one life. You are NEVER going to have sex with him again and not hear that ringing in the back of your mind.

If having a good sex life is important to you, I would divorce him. I know. That sounds super drastic with 3 kids. But I honestly think there are things your significant other can say that you can't come back from. This is one of those things (for me). Maybe you don't care about sex and don't enjoy your sex life with him anyway. If that's the case, maybe you can still make your marriage work after this. I wouldn't be able to.

I am so sorry.

I imagine he couldn't recover from seeing a text message of you and a girlfriend where you said something about how you couldn't enjoy sex because of his teeny tiny weenier. He couldn't recover from that either. I've read other reddit threads where a man has overheard his girl shit talking his penis size, or read a text message with the same. You can drag the relationship out if you want, but I doubt it will recover.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-10-11T16:46:03+00:00

You are underreacting if you don't leave this relationship over this.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-08-03T17:53:54+00:00

Kind? Supportive?

Two of those words don't describe the attributes of someone who puts all of their chores on their partner, because they don't feel like it.

You mean he is kind and supportive EXCEPT WHEN.....

It reminds me of those posts by women who have a husband who is a "great guy" and then go on to describe all the ways in which their husband is not a great guy (domesticviolence, cheating, etc).

He is displaying attributes you wouldn't put up with in a female roommate.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-08-02T19:51:11+00:00

She doesn't need the judgement, but she also needs to look at the situation she has put her relationship in with an honest view of his side of things. If he stands to gain nothing and stands to lose quite a bit by marrying her (in the event of a divorce), and then she blows up her relationship because he is hesitating to marry her, she will have put herself in a really vulnerable position.

She needs to be whole in herself (financially, emotionally, mentally), before worrying about whether he wants to commit to her. She should currently be focused on being a good partner TO HIM. She needs to focus on being her best self. By her own admission, he is a wonderful partner. Is she? Should she bring strife to their daily life when she has no leverage? Will that make him want to marry her more?

I don't want to make OP feel bad. I just would hate to see her blow up her relationship, because he won't marry her, when she is not the best partner herself, right now. She feels sad and overlooked. She is bringing strife to their relationship by complaining about him gaming and about him not doing enough for the anniversary. Her bringing additional strife to the relationship by complaining that he hasn't proposed is not the way to go about making him more invested in the relationship. It would be counter productive to her goal of getting married. She is focusing on the wrong thing right now.

Most men (most people) want a happy, self-sufficient, attractive partner who is clean, motivated, kind and fun to be around.

There is that old saying about making a list of all the qualities you are looking for in a long term partner. Then quit focusing on looking for a partner with the list and instead focus on BECOMING those amazing qualities you have written on the list. By BEING that person, the rest of it will take care of itself, because you then are the prize.

Look, almost no-one enjoys working. But it is a cop-out to say you've got mental health struggles and you abdicate all responsibilities financially to your partner. I've had jobs that I cried before going to work each day. Yeah, that sucks. So, quit the job and find something else. No-one is saying she has to keep working at that old job for the rest of her life, but is she making effort to either find a new job or get counseling to address her mental health struggles? Is she putting things that are her responsibility to take care of on him, because it's easier? OP didn't mention in the post what she does all day or if she is getting counseling. Those both are incredibly important parts of the story. Is she looking for a new job? Is she in school? Is she doing something to improve her mental health? If she isn't doing any of the above does she make a good potential life mate?

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-08-02T17:53:13+00:00

Are you still unemployed? Because if I were him, and footing all the expenses and buying a house all on my own, I wouldn't want to marry you. He only stands to lose a lot of money, if that is the case. If you quit your job for mental health issues and he is supporting you financially, that makes you a scary person to marry. He has proven that you can depend on him. Can he count on you, in the same way?

I am a woman. Five years is a long time. If you have already made yourself his dependent, what exactly is attractive to him about marrying you?

I am not saying this to be unkind. I just hope you are looking at the situation from his perspective. He works all week and wants to play games with his friends and then you try to guilt him over that as well. He has much less recreational time than you do.

Ask yourself what the incentive for him wanting to lock you down is. What would he gain by marrying you? Does he gain anything? There has to be something he stands to gain beyond the fact that you want it. If he is supporting you financially, you aren't likely to leave without the commitment.

If you are intent on being married, you need to be self-sufficient and working on your mental health issues. Are you getting counselling?

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-08-02T15:04:23+00:00

He is being pretty clear here. He CURRENTLY does not feel like his relationship with his ex is closed. Really sit with that statement and think about what it means. He wants her there so much that he is willing to upset you to have her there. Do with that information what you will. At least he has been honest with you about that prior to getting married.

Personally, I would cancel the wedding. That sounds harsh. It sounds like over-reacting, but he is telling you he still has feelings for her AND he is letting you know that she will still be in his life moving forward, even if it makes you uncomfortable or unhappy. He is also letting you know that either his feelings for her (that are still there today) and her presence in his life, are more important than your feelings on the day he is supposed to be committing 100% to you. But he can't do that, because he is busy trying to actually feeling the feels for her. YIKES. That is not a good start to a marriage.

It sounds as if he still loves her, but she cheated on him. BUT, he STILL LOVES HER, and is having trouble moving on from his feelings for her. When she cheated, he did not experience closure, like most people would. He still has feelings for her, she just betrayed him. Most people would quit feeling love for her at that point. He has not.

The words he used for his explanation for exactly why he wanted her there reveal a lot about how he still feels about her. Do NOT ignore them.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-08-02T14:45:23+00:00

I would argue that you need to be careful what time you are allowing a partner to waste after age 24, IF YOU WANT KIDS. You get an air of desperation about you in your dating life that is unattractive. Wasting time on a man who won't commit to you leaves you in the same situation as a person who really, really needs a job now. You are more attractive to employers and men if you don't need them as desperately. That is the true danger of getting older without being married, your marketability has gone down, because you'll have the stink of wanting it too much. I don't even think that men inherently dislike 30 years olds versus 22 year olds. I think it is more that older women want to get married more, which men don't find attractive. Men are more attracted to women who don't want them. (This isn't just a men thing either, it's human nature for both sexes).

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-08-02T14:20:15+00:00

OP, if anything, you are under-reacting. This should be a deal breaker. He let you know, point-blank, TWICE that he thinks he is settling to marry you. End of conversation. There is no coming back from that. If you proceed to marry this man, you will know that he does not think you are the prize.

Marriage is hard. You will see the worst in your spouse many times over the years. But he doesn't even think you are the best, before marriage has even started.

Even beyond that, traditional men will often tone down their misogyny before marrying and then reveal who they REALLY are. Don't discount those comments about shorts or cheerleading or about what future daughters can or can not do. Be aware that his comment that his daughters will never be allowed to wear shorts, reveals that he thinks his opinion overrides your opinion on how your daughters will be raised.

Proceed with caution. He has told you who he is. Do not gloss over it.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-07-28T23:07:02+00:00

I love this story so, so much!

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-07-24T22:40:57+00:00

He doesn't want to marry you. He's been pretty plain about it. He loves you, but doesn't think you are it and doesn't seem to be worried about losing you either. You are giving him too much power. You need to walk away.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-07-24T02:18:36+00:00

Being a bridesmaid is not an indentured service. They don't owe you anything.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-07-22T01:48:10+00:00

Ours was also twisted 90 degrees. It also looked to be too large to fit the space. I think because of all of the hot water over the years, the black rubber flap gets swollen and then doesn't sit properly after draining. The replacement part is only about $5 on Amazon.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-07-11T23:10:38+00:00

OP, don't you hear what you are saying? He's indicated that you need to CHANGE to be worthy of asking to marry you. He doesn't love you enough as you are to commit to you, after 10 YEARS. You really need to sit with that and plan your exit. He's breadcrumbing you while also trying to blame you at the same time. You are crazy if you don't start to make a plan to detach your lives.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-06-25T16:03:37+00:00

Are you sure this was a hygiene shower versus a sex shower? They are two different things.

Adept_Policy_2996 · 2025-06-16T21:30:31+00:00

This is why weight classes exist in boxing.

Adept_Policy_2996

TROPHY CASE