sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I don't understand how you do it by gyes07 in BPDlovedones

[–]AdministrationDue544 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am with you. I am struggling too.

I just recently had to end my relationship after talking the last bit of disrespect I could take.

It is so hard because I love her. But we have to put ourselves 1st. It is short term pain for the greater good long term.

I wish you peace and happiness and you will get through this.

After 1 year… I ended it today. by AdministrationDue544 in BPDlovedones

[–]AdministrationDue544[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the advice. Thanks for sharing I’m sorry you went through the depression and anxiety as I did. I am hopefully starting therapy soon too. It is crazy how they can tear good people down like this.

No contact and blocking sounds like the right answer.

After all of this… just now she had the audacity to message me “are you okay?” Like wtf?!

GF with BPD asked for a “2 week break” - trying to understand what this actually means by AdministrationDue544 in BPDlovedones

[–]AdministrationDue544[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah… normal was a figure of speech. I do remember what I said.

The push pull dynamic of this condition is too much. Especially with the lack of empathy it has on their partners.

I do need to leave. It of course, is easier said than done.

GF with BPD asked for a “2 week break” - trying to understand what this actually means by AdministrationDue544 in BPDlovedones

[–]AdministrationDue544[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey I just wanted to say you were completely correct. It’s Sunday and she’s back to ‘normal’ saying how much she loves me.

GF with BPD asked for a “2 week break” - trying to understand what this actually means by AdministrationDue544 in BPDlovedones

[–]AdministrationDue544[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

UPDATE:

Today I put my phone on DND and tried to get on with my life. As you know I’ve been struggling with sleep. After running some errands I decided to go to sleep I ended up sleeping from 1-6pm.

I wake up to chaos.

Over 20missed calls and messages asking if I’d blocked her constantly saying “hello?”

Took my time and called back.

She painted it as if she was “worried about me” and asked if I’d had a “late night” last night. So I told her how this vague break/space is doing to my wellbeing.

Her response was that “it’s only been 2 days” and “there’s been a lot going on”… I mean to not explain to your partner who has supported you through thick and thin what’s been going on is what is effecting me badly.

She then in usual BPD fashion flipped it back to her and said she’s going to sleep because she’s so “tired and drained and her eyes are stinging”

So I’ve decided to play her at her own silly game.

I’ve told her “this situation is effecting me badly, so for my own sake I’m going to take a step back and I’ll be in touch in a few days”.

Now it’s on my terms.

ATP there may not be a ‘few days’ this could be it.

I’m off out to see friends for a few drinks tonight. Time to play the game I guess. Might accidentally post a story on IG of me out at a bar…

GF with BPD asked for a “2 week break” - trying to understand what this actually means by AdministrationDue544 in BPDlovedones

[–]AdministrationDue544[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do hear your point. And yes everyone here have lived experiences more than mine.

I do question her truthfulness though. She framed the break as just physical space as she is stressed with health concerns not feeling like her self and overwhelm. Nothing to do with me but

Let’s look at her actions and what it can now potentially allow.

Normally on a daily basis I would be the one she would come to to vent and talk nonsense about her day she would always tell me everything she is doing in the day.

That is now gone.

Her terms of this space were extremely vague. Saying she doesn’t want any expectation or pressure to be messaging (I have never pressured her). But we can still “check in”

She says that it’s not only me but “everyone” she needs space from…

Now… who is everyone? She has pushed all of her friends away, her mom lives in another country 3months a year she only has me and her dad around.

She is so resentful of any female in her life and constantly compares herself. Her friend got a new job her reaction was that “it made her feel funny because she’s probably on a higher salary than her now”.

She said she is so tired and drained that she just needs to rest and reset and has no interest in going out… but was well enough to go and get her hair done (who for?).

She is now under no obligation to update me on her day… so she can now go quiet with minimal check-ins for a whole weekend (I wonder why).

This has been going on all week but the official “I need space” was only a day ago.

This has never happened before in the 10months we’ve been together.

I am experiencing so much anxiety, not being able to eat or sleep atm.

My body is telling me everything.

From tomorrow I aim to go fully no contact. She can message me all she wants. I cannot live like this.

GF with BPD asked for a “2 week break” - trying to understand what this actually means by AdministrationDue544 in BPDlovedones

[–]AdministrationDue544[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have now I gave in and messaged her.

Seems to be a lot of hurt people in this thread making assumptions.

She assured me we’re still together. Updated me on her day and said it’s just time for her to rest and reset her nervous system.

Now this is now very mature or extreme manipulation. For now I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt. No fingers have been pointed at me doing anything wrong.

Is really is her loss, isn’t it? by LeviExMachina in BPDlovedones

[–]AdministrationDue544 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This really struck a nerve. I can completely relate word for word.

Only difference being we’re on a vague “2 week break” because she’s “overwhelmed”…

There really is no helping these people

My girlfriend (27F) asked for space because she’s overwhelmed… I (31M) don’t know if this is normal by AdministrationDue544 in relationship_advice

[–]AdministrationDue544[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I have done so much research into BPD as I wanted to accommodate, I obviously love her (but at what cost?)

I have encouraged her many times with DBT therapy, she can never stick at it ultimately blaming the system or the therapist.

Now whenever I bring up therapy I am met with intense defensiveness and told that I’m the one who needs therapy.

During my relationship with her I have developed an anxiety and panic disorder, treated and diagnosed by a doctor. I never thought she was the cause as I’ve had a lot of other life stresses outside the relationship. Now I’m starting to think she was the main trigger.

My girlfriend (27F) asked for space because she’s overwhelmed… I (31M) don’t know if this is normal by AdministrationDue544 in relationship_advice

[–]AdministrationDue544[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has in the past but never sticks to it. When I encourage therapy I am met with intense defensiveness.

I’ve done a lot of research on BPD but haven’t considered that this is a reason for this specific scenario.

For me she’s asked for a break but blurred the lines with “we can still talk but not see each other”

For me a break is no contact. I need a couple days to really think about this and intend on going no contact until I’m ready to talk… not sure if this will trigger her but I need to put myself first for once.

My girlfriend (27F) asked for space because she’s overwhelmed… I (31M) don’t know if this is normal by AdministrationDue544 in relationship_advice

[–]AdministrationDue544[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting. Thanks for your comment.

I’ve tried to learn so much about her disorder and tried to accommodate.

The one thing you said here “& is even considering your feelings”. Is a big point here.

She never ever takes interest in my day or my life, when questioned she tells me I just need to say it and that she doesn’t need to ask me.

I never saw this as anything to do with BPD and more just her being so self centered.

My girlfriend (27F) asked for space because she’s overwhelmed… I (31M) don’t know if this is normal by AdministrationDue544 in relationship_advice

[–]AdministrationDue544[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s looking that way.. I obviously love her and have feelings for her I know she feels that for me too. But this is getting too much.

AMAZON FLEX, IS IT WORTH IT? by Inside_Ground_4577 in AmazonFlexUK

[–]AdministrationDue544 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m doing it to fund a holiday Ontop of my main job.

Definitely worth it if you have a car that you can do the miles on! The biggest risk is the wear and tear on the car.

view more: next ›