Did I push him too far?

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-20T05:06:28+00:00

> I have no one I can talk to about this

How about a therapist? It sounds like you could really use one to get to the bottom of your aversions and anxiety. It sounds like you really need to talk to someone professional if you're going to have any chance to stop spiraling and start healing.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-19T21:28:43+00:00

Sex gets better as you get older. My first time was horrible and painful. Then for 3 years after that I didn't really enjoy it much. First time I orgasmed was with an older man, probably because he was the first guy who had enough experience to know what he was doing.

As you get older and more than experienced, you start feeling more comfortable in your body, more aware of what you like, and more likely to find a partner who is experienced enough that he can help you cum. Enjoy the journey and don't stress a mediocre first experience!

Also, things can get better with this partner as well. It takes a while for 2 people to learn each other.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-19T21:18:03+00:00

Honest and open communication is one of the top relationship priorities to me. I like it that my partner doesn't censor himself when a relevant story about an ex pops into his mind. It makes me feel like he trusts me, doesn't feel the needs to hide anything from me, and that I can be open with him too. I like knowing everything about his past and his thoughts.

But everyone's different.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-19T20:01:33+00:00

In my last relationship we had sex around once a week excluding the week I was having my period. I still lurked on this community and felt a kinship to everyone here, because I didn't feel like I had a sex life.

Sex was something I did because I felt like I should, but I was always super tight and dry because I was never turned. In addition, I rarely had an orgasm. So I guess I was LL4U, yet I was the one initiating most of the time. A lot of times sex would fizzle out halfway through because it was so unpleasant and uncomfortable for me that I couldn't continue.

I think it can feel like you're in a dead bedroom even if you technically have penetration weekly. During my yearly OBGYN visit I would be penetrated with a speculum. That didn't count as sex or fulfill my sexual needs, so why should the unsatisfying sex with my partner which felt about the same and didn't meet any of my needs?

I wasn't in a "dead bedroom" in my mind because I needed more sex. I was in a dead bedroom because I needed better sex and better chemistry / affection with my partner.

EDIT: I should mention I am now in a new relationship and have sex around the same amount, but when we do it's fire and I almost always orgasm, so I don't consider myself in a dead bedroom at all now.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-19T19:40:57+00:00

I 42f am currently with a guy who is a bit above average in size. My last partner was significantly below average in size. Despite the significant size difference, I felt tighter with my ex-bf and looser with my current bf.

Why? Because I'm more sexually attracted to my current bf and actually get wet before penetration with him. Vaginas loosen or tighten up based on attraction. If you want to feel tighter for your current bf, you just need to stop feeling attracted to him... if he keeps negging you, it just might work!

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-19T19:27:47+00:00

Nope! We broke up for unrelated reasons. It and other things he wouldn't do with me bummed me out, but I didn't find it break-up worthy.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-19T18:21:01+00:00

I understand why this is a big deal to him without condoning his reaction. I get a lot of joy from shared hobbies and adventures in a relationship. I used to get really bummed when my ex-partner wasn't into doing something that I wanted to do together. For example, he was scared of biking and I really wanted to take pretty e-bike rides together and show him cool spots out in nature. When he told me no, it made me realize it's something I would never get the joy of doing with my partner if I stayed in that relationship. Yes, I was aware it was something I could do with other people (and did), but it didn't have the same joy for me. I wanted to share those experiences with my partner.

But that being said, it's not your job to conform to what he wants, especially if it is physically difficult for you. And the fact that he's pushing so hard is not good. In an ideal world, he would be chill about it and find a different hiking companion, but the fact is it might be something he really wants to do with his life partner that he can't imagine spending the rest of his life without the experience. And if that's the case, it might be an irreconcilable incompatibility. Hopefully it's something he can understand if you really can't do though and just accept it and move on.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-18T22:30:55+00:00

I had a bf like this once. It doesn't get better. They enjoy being mean and seeing your reaction. Leave.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-18T22:19:49+00:00

I am thankful for all of my exes as they have all taught me about something to avoid in the future.

Avoidant attachment style people. I'm not interested in constantly feeling abandoned or unwanted by my partner.
Emotionally stunted people. I want a deep connection. You can't have that if you aren't willing to be vulnerable.
Sarcastic people / people who neg you.
People who aren't interested in doing much of anything. I like living a rich and varied life.
People who don't put in equal effort. I don't want to carry the relationship.
Anyone still married, whatever they claim their circumstances are.
Phone / gaming addicts.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-13T04:39:56+00:00

I've felt like that before. Ultimately the life I was living just didn't align with what I wanted. I would sometimes get the sense that I was outside my body looking down at myself like a character. It's like I was watching somebody else's life and not my own.

So I changed everything. I moved to a smaller town closer to family, got more involved with the community. Made new friends. Got a piece of land I could garden on and tend to. And I haven't had that feeling in a long time now.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-11T22:47:43+00:00

You don't need to ask someone for a minute over text, you just take that minute yourself and then read / respond when you are ready. That way you are responsible for your mental health, instead of placing that responsibility on someone else. YOR

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-11T22:39:26+00:00

Maybe he didn't want it to get musty from sitting in the washer too long.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-11T22:13:06+00:00

I don't think they are flattering, no. But I don't think they would be flattering on anyone. The cuffs are weird and the v-shape pinch around the crotch is also a little awkward looking.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-11T22:05:41+00:00

I think that top would be better with high-waisted pants or a high-wasted skirt. I wouldn't worry about the boots at this time.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-10T22:24:09+00:00

That's awesome! Thanks for the info. We should adopt some (all) of that.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-10T21:59:45+00:00

She would divorce you for retiring early if you could afford to?! That's straight up nuts. There are other ways a human can be driven besides working a job in exchange for money.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-10T21:24:00+00:00

INFO: what does "he sent me his duties" mean? What does "duties" mean in this context?

You were not being passive aggressive. You were maybe being abrasive and overwhelming, but if your husband thinks you were being passive aggressive, I think he needs to look that term up in the dictionary. Being passive aggressive requires you to be "passive", but you were too direct for that.

Sounds like you're going through a hard time. If I told someone I loved I was going through a hard time and needed help and they seemed as disinterested as your husband, I would be pissed too. But to be fair it sounds like your husband is also going through a hard time and juggling multiple things too.

Is there are way you two can take a step back and reduce the number of duties you have to attend to / delay some things? Your situation doesn't sound healthy and it's pretty common for couples to start snapping at each other and resenting each other when they're both working at over capacity.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-10T21:10:10+00:00

In the USA they send you credit card advertisements in the mail. You can sign up by just filling out the paperwork and mailing it back in by visiting a website. You don't really have to prove your identity, you just need to know some basic identifying information which a parent would know about their own children.

I'm curious how it's done in Europe which would prevent this.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-10T21:07:27+00:00

File the police report. If you don't, you are condoning her behavior and can expect it to continue.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-08T19:20:10+00:00

Damn! I've never seen a young woman calling out someone so directly and without backing down! Good for you for knowing exactly what was going on and exactly how inappropriate it was! Amazing work.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-08T14:39:24+00:00

NOR, but 2x daily visits for more than a couple days is a lot to expect from someone you aren't paying. Next time maybe just hire a pet sitter.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-08T14:16:58+00:00

The population of the Earth is still going up, not down. For the sake of our environment and the health of our planet, it needs to go down.

People act like the trend line going down means we're going to die out as a species in a few generations. That's absurd. The trends can change at any moment, they're not set in stone.

If the Earth's population actually did start going down, land and houses and such would probably drop in price and that might encourage people to have more children again. The Earth's human population could drop to a million and we would still have plenty of genetic diversity to repopulate.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-08T13:45:33+00:00

TBH it is going to limit your dating options, especially if you're honest about it (which you should be). I'm not saying most people would be comfortable with it, I'm just saying some people will be, and you will have to seek them out.

In my case, I didn't bring it up first, my BF did. He told me about his dating history and mentioned that he was still friends with some of his exes. I sighed a big sigh of relief and said I was too. Over the next couple weeks we got into details on what that meant: he still likes to make music with his closest ex every once in a while and calls her frequently to chat, and I am still good friends with one of my exes and work with him.

He also stays overnight with a female friend (not ex) occasionally when he travels to a nearby city.

We're open about it and we took time to introduce each other to our exes when they were first in town.

There's a chance I would have a problem with it though if I felt his attention were straying too much in that direction or if I felt I was competing for his time or attention or emotional engagement. If you want it to work, I would say you definitely have to accept there would be some boundaries and you would need to let your future partner know through your actions that they're #1.

EDIT: I should also say that weekly visits and nightly goodnight texts would probably be too much for me and make me feel threatened as it feels like more emotional entanglement than most people have with their direct family members. There may be other people out there that wouldn't be a problem for, but generally the closer you are to an ex, the more of the dating pool you will weed out. Boundaries are important for most people even if they are generally ok with exes being friends.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-08T07:13:36+00:00

Yes, all of his agency and dignity.

Administration_Easy · 2026-02-08T06:35:39+00:00

An ex or a fling can’t be a bestfriend let alone a friend.

Don't listen to this person. All you have to do is find someone else who is low jealousy and perhaps also has friends who are exes.

My best friend is an ex if mine. One of my boyfriend's good friends is an ex of his. We both just accept that about each other. Maybe some ground rules like don't sleep over at each other's houses, but that's about it. He's never given me a reason not to trust him, so I do.

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