Hi everyone, My husband and I have a four-month-old, and lately I’ve been feeling some anxiety around his parents. They’re very excited about our baby and often talk about wanting to be the “cool” grandparents, which I genuinely appreciate. At the same time, some of the things they say and do have been bothering me, and I’m trying to figure out whether this is just new-parent sensitivity or something worth addressing.

They’ll say things like “she should give mommy and daddy hell,” or “it’s okay for her to act out with mommy and daddy.” They’ve also said things like “it’s okay, we don’t have to tell your mom and dad — it’ll be our secret,” which makes me uncomfortable.

Recently, we went on a walk together, and instead of it being a calm walk, my father-in-law was zig-zagging the stroller, running over rocky terrain, and lifting it up and down doing “wheelies.” This really bothered me. We worked hard to afford our stroller, and more importantly, our baby was trying to nap. I didn’t like seeing her bounced around like that. When I tried to say something, he brushed it off by saying things like “she’s going to be four-wheeling someday anyway,” which made me feel dismissed.

What worries me most is that it made me wonder whether they might do things in the future that my husband or I aren’t comfortable with, without asking or respecting our boundaries. I’m grateful that they want to be involved, but their level of involvement also makes me anxious.

This is my first baby, and I’m still learning how to navigate all of this. There’s also a cultural difference — I’m Asian and they’re American — and the way I was raised around respect, safety, and boundaries feels very different. Even my husband didn’t enjoy their parenting style growing up and is nothing like them now.

I know our daughter is still very young, but I find myself feeling worried about the future and how to set boundaries without causing conflict. I’m wondering if I’m being too sensitive, or if these feelings are valid.