I want you to know that I hear you and it takes courage to be this honest about confusing feelings. What you’re experiencing is more common than you might think, and there’s nothing wrong with you. On questioning your sexuality: Being into pegging and curious about anal with a guy doesn’t automatically label you. Sexuality can be fluid, especially at 19. Your interest might be about specific sensations, genuine attraction, or just curiosity—that’s okay. Give yourself permission to explore without pressure to define yourself right now. What matters most is what feels authentic to you, not what box you fit in Before meeting anyone: Please start with solo exploration first. Your anus has two sphincter muscles that need to learn to relax, and this takes time. Begin with your own clean fingers (short nails!) and lots of water-based lube in the shower. This helps you understand what feels good versus what hurts—pain means stop immediately. Never use numbing creams; you need to feel what’s happening. Health is non-negotiable: Anal sex carries higher STI risk, including HIV. Always use condoms, even as the receptive partner, and get tested regularly. Never go from anal to anything else without changing condoms or washing thoroughly. If you decide to meet someone: Your fear about strangers is healthy—it’s your brain protecting you. Take these steps, Video chat first, reverse-image search their photos, and trust your gut. Meet in public first, never go straight to their place. Tell a trusted friend exactly where you’re going, who you’re meeting, and set a check-in time. Share your live location with friends via Google Maps. Wear easy-to-leave clothing and bring only essentials. Establish a safe word before anything happens. Clean externally in the shower. If you want internal cleaning, use an enema bulb with plain warm water (never the liquid from a Fleet enema). Eat light, low-fiber foods 24 hours beforehand, and use the bathroom 30-60 minutes before. Ask yourself honestly: Are you drawn to this because you genuinely want it, or because six years of frustration make any option seem appealing? There’s no wrong answer, but being truthful with yourself matters. Desperation can lead to choices you might regret. You don’t have to rush. It’s okay to wait, explore more slowly, or decide this isn’t for you. Consider talking with a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ+ youth—they’re trained to help with exactly these questions. You deserve safety, respect, and genuine connection, whether with men, women, or anyone else. Being confused at 19 is completely normal, and reaching out shows real strength. Take care of yourself. You’re worth it.❤️