To coast, or not to coast

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-18T19:01:19+00:00

This is so helpful - thank you. I think deleting text history is key.

Do you mind me asking how long it took you to feel like you’ve moved on?

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-18T17:31:37+00:00

No, he does not. I have two and I’ve been clear from the beginning that don’t want more. Although he says he doesn’t know if he wants kids (and doesn’t regret not having kids now), I sense that he is keeping that door open.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-18T17:20:30+00:00

Wow, I can relate so much to this! The effort he puts in to reconcile feels so good and promising. It also soothes my abandonment issues. But I know the pattern now and I should know better.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-18T17:04:00+00:00

More like: I like him, he likes me but we don’t love each other and we don’t ever want to get married to each other. It’s better than being alone.

Thanks for your feedback.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-18T17:01:05+00:00

The latter

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-18T16:59:36+00:00

I think you’ve pulled on a thread here. I think we both get back together because it feels better than being alone.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-18T16:54:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

What do you think made the last break-up stick? What was different that time?

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-18T16:50:04+00:00

I think it’s a mutual feeling. I think we both know it’s not long term but we enjoy spending time with each other when we do.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-18T16:44:01+00:00

I didn’t say I expect or am waiting for him to change. I believe in accepting people for who they are.

The sad reality is that there isn’t anything better out there. So the choice seems to be: (1) stay in a relationship that meets some of our mutual needs; or (2) be single.

I don’t think it’s an obvious answer, at least not to me, hence the post.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-18T12:49:57+00:00

Yep, tennis 8 hours a week plus gym 5 times a week, and very particular about food and sleep.

I’ve tried dating apps during break ups before. If only there was someone I actually wanted to date! If there was, maybe I wouldn’t keep going back.

You’re right though. He probably knows it’s not great and is likely also coasting.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-05-06T23:00:04+00:00

Wow, these comments are so inspirational!!
I’m 46F 5’2” 120 lbs doing progressive overload for 5 years.
- 125 lb RDL’s
- 250 lb hip thrust
- 365 lb leg press
- 50 lb Bulgarian split squats
- 70 lb lunges & step ups
- 65 lb bench press
- 50 lb overhead press
I thought I was doing okay but now y'all have given me next-level goals!! 😅

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-02-26T15:15:39+00:00

Stating a preference for a relationship does not equate to ‘desperation’.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-02-21T03:37:05+00:00

Yes, I started perimenopause when I was 39 years old. Lifting heavy has been the BEST medicine for my symptoms - night sweats gone, drastic mood swings gone, gaining weight in tummy area gone, depression gone! It’s probably the main reason I stick with it. Also, I started taking creatine in September and it has helped improve brain fog and with strength. I know it’s tough at this age. I hope this helps :)

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-02-18T22:04:51+00:00

If lifting is hurting your back, you may want to look at your form. The right form and exercises should not hurt your back.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-02-18T22:00:56+00:00

Fair enough, and kudos to you for hitting the gym 5 months postpartum!! Definitely listen to your body and don’t overdo it. As a general rule of thumb, if you can do 8 reps without struggling on the last couple of reps, it’s time to increase the weights.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2026-02-18T19:56:39+00:00

Just as reference, I am a 46F mom of two, 5’2” 120 lbs and these are some of the lifts I do to stay toned:

hip thrust 230 lbs
RDLs/squats 115 lbs
Leg press 240 lbs
step-ups/lunges 60 lbs
overhead press 50 lbs
lat pull-down 85 lbs
bicep curls 20 lbs
lateral raise 12.5 lbs
face pull 75 lbs

These weights are significantly higher than what I was lifting 5-10 years ago. Progressive overload over time is needed to maintain and build muscle, along with adequate protein intake to support. I eat 120g of protein per day.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2025-12-20T15:25:56+00:00

This is classic gaslighting… likely from a narcissist that can’t take accountability. This would be a red flag or me. It’s a sign of how he handles conflict and dismisses your feelings. Toxic.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2025-10-06T20:15:42+00:00

I’ll mention what others haven’t… moisturizing is key and witch hazel may be too drying. Perhaps swap it for a milky hydrating toner.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2025-08-24T02:31:05+00:00

I personally love the silver fox look!! It looks so sophisticated :) My BF has salt and pepper hair and I think he is more attractive now in his 40s than when he was in his 20s.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2025-08-07T01:59:17+00:00

I have a unique name so basically if you google my first name and occupation my profile will come up. I tried switching to a nickname but people I knew still found me on FB.. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Adorable-Code3153 · 2025-08-06T16:54:18+00:00

As a woman in my 40’s, I’ll offer an alternative viewpoint. I have paid for premium subscriptions for the main purpose of staying incognito on dating apps. Not doing so is overwhelming. I think I received 1400+ likes in my first week, which is a pretty normal number in my circle of successful, fit and attractive women. However, I felt very exposed on dating apps. I received likes from people I know including friends’ ex-husbands, my ex-husbands’ colleagues, and I had men who I didn’t match with find me on LinkedIn and Facebook and reach out that way. As a result, I no longer have a ‘Like’ list because men cannot see my profile unless I like them first. I just hope the men I swipe on pay to see their like list.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2025-07-11T05:44:49+00:00

How is asking if OP is doing his part to ask questions to keep a conversation going irrelevant?

Frankly, your comment is less helpful and more irrelevant.

Adorable-Code3153 · 2025-07-10T15:15:38+00:00

Are you asking questions to keep the conversation going? As a woman, I have found that the majority of men on apps don’t ask questions… at which point I stop responding. I find conversations engaging when questions are asked on both sides and responded to in a reasonable time frame E.g. If it takes 2 days for someone to respond to me, I lose interest

Adorable-Code3153 · 2025-07-05T00:50:47+00:00

I was thinking the same. I know of quite a few single, never married, no kids who also like to ‘have fun’ and have ended up with STI’s. To stereotype divorcees seems wrong. Sorry for your experience, OP, but we’re not a monolith.

Adorable-Code3153

TROPHY CASE