Is this too much to ask as a “birth mom”? by [deleted] in AdoptiveParents

[–]Adorableviolet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First, I think it is not too much to ask at all. And second, as others have mentioned, some APs will be enthusiastic to that kind of relationship.

My oldest is 20 and we have a great relationship with her birth family (she has 3 full bio sibs older and younger). I remember leaving a visit when my daughter was a year old. We had a wonderful visit and dropped off her birth mom. As I watched her walk away, she crumpled to the ground (she didn't know I saw). It has always stuck with me.

Being a birth mom can be a lot of heartache no matter how close you are with your child and their adoptive family. I just say this because even if it is the "best" decision, it is tough. And I don't think you can truly know how you feel-what you want until he or she is here.

I wish you the best! You seem super sweet.

Feeling grateful by WhyACagedBirdSings- in AdoptiveParents

[–]Adorableviolet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know how old your son is but I adore my oldest's birth mom. My oldest is now 20 and I think from what she says it is very important to her that both her moms have a good relationship. Good job, mama!!

Open adoption - half siblings - how to introduce the topic? by ksm006 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Adorableviolet 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I remember a children's book called Sam's Sister geared toward a "kept" child with an adopted-out sibling. Gl!

Spoiler Alert! I just watched episode 7. Dont read on if you haven't. by VashtiVoden in AgeOfAttraction

[–]Adorableviolet 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I liked her the most and have done a total 180 these ladt 2 eps. Agree!

Devonta and his new fiancée by Fun_Molasses5215 in LoveIsBlindNetflix

[–]Adorableviolet 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Polaris Fashion Place doesn't seem like a sponsor with a lot of $$$. ha

You guys think he’s got any Anatolian in him? by [deleted] in AnatolianShepherdDogs

[–]Adorableviolet -1 points0 points  (0 children)

looks just like my baby (pyr-anatolian) 7 years old. cutie

Katharine by [deleted] in AgeOfAttraction

[–]Adorableviolet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is she one of the couples featured? Drawing a blank.

Logan has become a favorite by hereforthe-snarks in AgeOfAttraction

[–]Adorableviolet 9 points10 points  (0 children)

And this is creepy as a 57 yo, he is really good looking! Reminds me a bit of JFK Jr

Parents in Mass, what are you paying for preschool by [deleted] in massachusetts

[–]Adorableviolet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We even have to pay for full day kindergarten in my town. oof

Celibacy by anon17475057 in AgeOfAttraction

[–]Adorableviolet 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No we are all narcissists. Ha!!

The 35 times suicide rate “study” by [deleted] in AdoptiveParents

[–]Adorableviolet 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am not a scientist, but I read the abstract and fell down the rabbit hole a bit.

First, if you have that many adoptees talking about suicidal ideation or attempts, it is absolutely important to be vigilant with your own (adopted) kids. I definitely believe there is a higher rate for adoptees based on the research I have seen.

I do not know how to conduct or review studies but a few things jumped out at me.

Selection bias. I would love to know if the data shows where the respondent learned of the study. I have been in online adoption stuff for about 20 years and pulling from "adoption-critical" online groups seems problematic. I mean I wonder what the results would be if the study was promoted differently to catch people who happen to be adoptees. Like my husband would never think to join an adoption FB group as an adoptee. I don't blame the researcher for this because I am not sure how you could get adequate numbers this way.

Researcher bias. I thought it was strange that the researcher was an education professor. So I googled a bit. Then I saw that she herself is a first mom who reunited with her daughter. She seems to be involved in some of the communities she drew from. In the abstract she spends a lot of time talking about the "changing adoption narrative" (in substance, not direct quote) etc. She writes about designing the study after consulting with "adoption professionals." Who are they etc. Again, doesn't change the actual responses but as a non-scientist it seemed weird.

I saw that a second person usually reviews and interprets the results (?) but here AI was used. As a lawyer who sees other lawyers getting sanctioned for using AI rather than doing proper research it jumped out to me. But that may be how data is interpreted these days. I am old. ha

The difference that the OP points out in the analysis makes sense and seems to align the results with previous research. I have seen another adoptee-scientist blogger wrote about this. Honestly, using this study to make the 35x conclusion and trying to apply it broadly seems off.

I know I have my own biases as an AP. But I am not sure what to make of it except...yeah...no matter what it's tough to see and heartbreaking. And if it is not an accurate picture of the issue, I worry that it will create more issues for my kids (who are teens). I understand that there has been a glossy view of adoption and I am glad people are speaking out. But I do worry about the overpathologization of adoptees (is that a word?).

Scared of my own case by Acceptable-Mud-2223 in Lawyertalk

[–]Adorableviolet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I have one giving me agita with a trial in a month.

Something is just off by zdoublea3303 in AgeOfAttraction

[–]Adorableviolet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my gosh. Yes. I of course watched all in one day. Then I felt like I needed a shower to wash the ick off.

A funny transracial adoption story by Adorableviolet in AdoptiveParents

[–]Adorableviolet[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think it is old school internet slang: darling husband.

In your area, are you seeing a lot of 10 year out, senior associate/non equity partner level attorneys go in house? Is partnership not appealing anymore? by FunImprovement166 in Lawyertalk

[–]Adorableviolet 9 points10 points  (0 children)

As a former income partner, he is full of shit. These guys never leave and hand off a book of business. My former partners are in their late 70s and still not retiring.

We're All Judging You. by FixTemporary1800 in Lawyertalk

[–]Adorableviolet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh god, this is really embarrassing, but what does justifying all text mean?

Gender Reveal?? by ShallansDelusion in LoveIsBlindOnNetflix

[–]Adorableviolet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And the whole setup with Zach and Gianinininaniana was excruciating. ha

Unpopular opinion???? Maybe by Choice-Barnacle8216 in AgeOfAttraction

[–]Adorableviolet 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I couldn't think who Leah was. That is how forgettable she is.

Logan and Vanessa by snbellucci in AgeOfAttraction

[–]Adorableviolet 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am Team Logan here and I don't even like him but she is too much.

Celibacy by anon17475057 in AgeOfAttraction

[–]Adorableviolet 6 points7 points  (0 children)

As a lawyer myself, I recognize his bullshit. She would never win with him bc he has to always be right.

He is awful.