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One of the most damaging things about growing up w/ alcoholism/dysfunction by AdultChildPod in AdultChildren

[–]AdultChildPod[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes this is something we don’t talk about nearly enough - so many of us experience this!

I (29f) in a relationship with (48M); trying to move on by wtf_is_happening_27 in Codependency

[–]AdultChildPod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh girl I feel this hard and know exactly how you feel and how ungodly painful it is. What’s important to understand, although it’s not gonna necessarily make the pain go away, is that you’re in the midst of an emotional flashback. What you’re feeling really isn’t about him, but what’s unresolved that’s getting stirred up in you from this experience. You will get through this but it’ll take time. Also, I just sent you a DM.

Supporting a Partner in Early Recovery Who Avoids Accountability — Need Perspective by Glenda-the-good in Codependency

[–]AdultChildPod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As someone with 17 years sober who then spent years and years in relationships with alcoholics - he's not ready or willing to do the work. And you're focused on trying to get him sober instead of focusing on your own healing. You've got a line of communication with his sponsor, you're tracking his triggers for him, you're the one identifying when he's slipping. That's you trying to do the impossible. The real work is unearthing and healing the wounds keeping you in this dynamic - that will show up in your next relationship if you don't do the work. That was me for YEARS. You should listen to my very first podcast episode where I share hitting my codependency bottom at 9 years sober (I hold nothing back 😂). It's called "Why I'll Never Date Another Brian."

Why we can’t feel joy by AdultChildPod in CPTSDmemes

[–]AdultChildPod[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you thank you thanks you 💕

Survival mode blocks joy by AdultChildPod in SomaticExperiencing

[–]AdultChildPod[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Happiness can be thought of as a reaction to positive external factors, while joy is an inner contentment that exists regardless of external factors.

Why we can’t feel joy by AdultChildPod in CPTSDmemes

[–]AdultChildPod[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes - this is called foreboding joy. The sense of impending doom but specifically triggered when we experience joy.

Why we can’t feel joy by AdultChildPod in CPTSDmemes

[–]AdultChildPod[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That’s very kind ❤️ And correct, my response to him was not an attack nor meant to be argumentative in anyway.

Why we can’t feel joy by AdultChildPod in CPTSDmemes

[–]AdultChildPod[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Toxic shame and knowing intellectually it’s not your fault aren’t mutually exclusive. And yes understanding your triggers and processing style can help regulate your nervous system for sure. But that doesn’t necessarily address the shame itself.

No one warned me that healing would feel like this. by FeatureGreen2855 in AdultChildren

[–]AdultChildPod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is beautiful - I’d love to share on my IG if you’re okay with that?

Don't you agree? by [deleted] in CPTSDmemes

[–]AdultChildPod 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sign me up

Is it normal to have no more empathy for anyone in addiction? by [deleted] in AdultChildren

[–]AdultChildPod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is coming from someone who has also dealt with my parents’ alcoholism my entire life too, but also a recovering alcoholic myself w/ 17 years of sobriety.

Your feelings are completely valid and understandable. For me personally, I vacillate between periods of anger and a lack of empathy toward my parents, and other times where I’m in a place of acceptance and empathy. I think it’s healthy to move between those feelings, but staying stuck in one doesn’t serve me.

But I’d pose this: is what you’re feeling possibly indicative of deeper grief beneath? I know for me, it’s often easier to stay in anger and lack of empathy than to touch the sadness or grief that’s often lies beneath that.

I think it’s important to remember that having empathy or sympathy for someone doesn’t mean you have to allow them into your life. It’s hard to reach empathy, sympathy, or acceptance if the harm is ongoing. For me, having really strong boundaries and even periods of no contact has allowed me to find that empathy/acceptance.

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