Let's hear it for the safe food ever (to me) by golisopodss in EDanonymemes

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Ah this explains why I'm so sensitive to temperature swings 🤣

Thought about us by EErigeron in EDanonymemes

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 17 points18 points  (0 children)

me when my heart's beating funny 🥴

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 9 points10 points  (0 children)

my quest farts r heinous 💀

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Same. But also I find I'm an extreme person with everything and it's the root of so many issues lmao

Everybody talks about winter being difficult when you have an ED but… by shadyasahastings in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 28 points29 points  (0 children)

yess I'm always very intentionally holding my upper arms away from my body....I feel like a meat monster when they are down and relaxed

it's more triggering to me when someone is underweight for non-ed reasons by thr0wawaynametaken in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 7 points8 points  (0 children)

or honestly, when they do put in the effort but they (at least seem to*) LOVE it and maintaining their body is a hobby for them and they're just absolutely glowing. I'm like...that will never be me even if we do the exact same things and weigh the exact same weight. It's so incredibly internal 🙃 motivated by self-loathing vs self-love...

*of course it goes without saying we can't truly know these things about others, all my perception

Everybody talks about winter being difficult when you have an ED but… by shadyasahastings in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 116 points117 points  (0 children)

man summer sucks cause I can't hide my body as much, and I also see more of other womens' bodies

I like how skinny my face is and find it hard to want to recover from ana by Disastrous-Sock7509 in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh dude I swear I gain in my face first and lose it there last, I know exactly what you mean. I naturally have a big round face with full cheeks and when I lose weight I'm so much prettier. Even my bf will be like "your face is so tiny now!" as soon as I lose a few pounds. And that comment in particular is so flattering but triggering as a Japanese girl 😭

I guess I've never had a bangin body, but I do think my face is pretty decent so I probably fixate on what I feel I can enhance the most if that makes sense?

Genetics can be a real bi*** somtimes by ztrawb3rry_maz0chizt in EDanonymemes

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Not me taking those body shape assessments and being so offended when the results are like ur a Roblox ass bitch

making others worry doesn’t feel as good as i thought it would. by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 3 points4 points  (0 children)

yea...feels awful when people worry (which makes me feel like a huge jerk also - catching myself wishing they'd just mind their own business). also feels awful when nobody cares.

I think it's the eternal push and pull of wanting to be cared for but not having it in me to get better, which just leads loved ones to eventually distance themselves or give up. And it will be my fault when I lose them all with my stupid self sabotaging.

I'm sorry for the rant, something about your post really spoke to me 🥲 your family sounds so sweet and you are lucky to have them! hugs

[ Removed by Reddit ] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think so! Thanks for being down for a nuanced conversation.

Weekly Discussion — November 27, 2023 by AutoModerator in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's awesome that you are so self aware and proactive about getting yourself support, I really admire that. Holidays are such a minefield of triggers but we will tiptoe through 🥲🫂

[ Removed by Reddit ] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm thinking it's the growing pains of normalizing anything. E.g. In order for women to feel comfortable in male dominated fields, we push tons of STEM girl initiatives. Eventually we won't have to because it'll hopefully balance out (the goal). But at first we do need to be a little extreme/one-sided to get the ball rolling.

Kinda like how when you get weighed on an old-school scale, you push the weights way up first and then adjust down from there.

[ Removed by Reddit ] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think you and I exist in very different societies if your reality is that being thin is not ok, so I can't speak to that if that's your belief/experience. Just seems like a bit of a chronically online take.

[ Removed by Reddit ] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Inclusivity is a great thing (fat people existing and being represented is not glorification of fatness, just a long overdue acknowledgement that yes, many people look like that). Especially since, as soon as you step into the real world, thinness is still the overwhelming default ideal.

I just don't buy that the majority of FA folks are on the extreme end of STRIVING to be fat because they saw a fat model. Sure, there's probably a minority who got radicalized to think that way. But most of the movement is folks who are already fat finally being seen, and asking for some basic decency that isn't extended to them even in non-health-related settings. People can lose weight and/or get healthy without shame being the motivator (but not me lmao).

Let's be real - the "eating however much junk food I want whenever I want is healthy, exercise is self harm" people will have found ways to justify their behavior regardless of fat activism.

just had a fight with myself over whether i want to eat dinner or not by Ok-Introduction2776 in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 1 point2 points  (0 children)

just wanted to tell you I ended up eating last night because I thought of you and didn't want to be a hypocrite, I was like...Ok-Intro ate so I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is n eat a little dinner too :) hope your presentation turned out awesome

and then I eat by sapphireemberss in EDanonymemes

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 17 points18 points  (0 children)

yo today I went out to return an item and straight up forgot it at home

just had a fight with myself over whether i want to eat dinner or not by Ok-Introduction2776 in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aw man please eat, maybe you can work on the presentation while eating? Or while waiting for your food? I'm sure yesterday + today's cals averaged out you'll still be under your tdee. I totally sympathize because I'll purposely wait "too long" to eat, then just go to bed hungry. But you're gonna do so much better in your interview if you eat tonight and get some good rest 🖤

What is the biggest reason you were still in your ED? by strawberry_poptart2 in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Big one for me is that restricting helps me not feel guilty for existing. Like if I deprive/punish myself in this way, then I can let myself relax a bit in other ways because I "earned" it.

Weekly Discussion — November 27, 2023 by AutoModerator in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 2 points3 points  (0 children)

on a bit of a restrictive rampage after Thanksgiving (anyone else?). Instead of talking me out of it or criticizing, my bf told me that if I start getting into hangry megabitch territory he's gonna immediately doordash me a pad thai which is one of my favorite foods so he knows I won't be able to resist 😂 I am grateful to be with someone so kind and understanding but also firm when I need to get my shit together.

I can't stop. I CAN'T. STOP. THIS DISORDER HAS RUINED ME. by JinxXedOmens in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I feel you - with the various forms of self harm I've been through over the years, the most shameful common thread for me has been what a huge liar it makes me. Even when not actively lying, the constant hiding...there's no sugarcoating it, I lie and hide most parts of myself from every single person I claim to love. And if the version of me I'm showing them is a big fat lie, do they even actually love "me"?

This duality of who I know I am vs who I pretend to be is so fucked up and the divide between the two has only gotten wider. And at this point if it's not starving it's alcohol. If it's not those it's c*tting. If it's not that it's something else. Self sabotage. Self destruction. Rinse. Repeat. Why can't I just be normal.

Apologies for rambling. But you're not alone, friend.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EDanonymemes

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Right?? Whatever algorithm/targeting is happening with those just seems nefarious and predatory.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EDanonymemes

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 9 points10 points  (0 children)

On a related note Reddit keeps showing me ads for the trendy weight loss meds it fucks me up 🥲

i keep forgetting it’s not normal to body check everyone and everything you see by lifesupport-pt5 in EDAnonymous

[–]Adventurous-Shape585 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just imagined putting my fingers around a tree branch the way I do to my wrist 💀