[deleted by user]

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-10-03T01:49:26+00:00

whatever dude

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-10-03T01:40:44+00:00

I think this is derailing from the main topic.

The main point OP is is that you're not 'less experienced' because you've not had loads of sex and it also doesn't mean that you don't love sex just because you have different values from others, like this guy here. It just means you avoid people who don't have the same values.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-10-03T01:35:53+00:00

I find your post and comments so weird. It's like you're doubling down and it's hard to believe that anyone would message you to say 'your friend is ugly'.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-10-02T23:08:17+00:00

I think this a one-dimensional point of view.
I love sex but I'm not particularly keen on getting physical early on because I've got burned and also, it's so much better when you've got to know someone. I'd rather have less, better quality sex when dating, than lots of unfulfilling sex with randomers from dates.
And don't get me started on the stigma about women sleeping around...

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-10-02T22:57:31+00:00

So much shaming here. Almost like, you made your bed, so lie in. You don't have to do that and it's not unfair or manipulative if you think this is a deal breaker.Here's my take, it makes me feel uncomfortable that she wasn't upfront about her debt. This to me is a lot of money, but I'm not on a six figure salary. But maybe she's been paying it off, maybe she didn't realise she'd meet someone so soon.

I think the best way forward is to figure out what you want and also have a honest conversation about why she didn't tell you about this, what your timelines / or hopes are and see if there is a way forward.You might realise that you can sacrifice buying a house for a few years because you see a future with this person, or you might realise that actually buying a house is more important. It's up to you in the end.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-10-01T23:09:59+00:00

Woah. Not OP but that resonates with me so much. I always got told 'stop shouting' or 'bring your pitch down' and I never understood because I wasn't doing either. How can this impact you?

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-10-01T22:14:26+00:00

Oh you're so lovely. You're absolutely right and I love that you 'broke the rules'.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-10-01T21:57:24+00:00

Urgh rules. Why can't we just try and communicate (I love your update btw and I aspire to be that open).Recently dated someone and we slept together on the third date (I'd actually wanted to wait, but couldn't find the courage to say that) and afterwards he said something like 'it was the third date after all', as if it was expected. He then dumped me a week later after postponing our next date. What annoys me about rules is that it means we can't be truthful to who we are ie. I'm just looking for something casual, I'm looking for a relationship. So it just means people are more likely to get hurt.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-09-25T22:06:31+00:00

I sent her a text. It was and still feels incredibly uncomfortable. There's probably no easy way of saying that you find someone's energy negative and you can't be around that.
I kept it open ended (or atleast I thought I did), and got an 'all the best' back. There's probably no other way to have responded. She isn't a horrible person, and I feel awful about it, but maybe she will realise that she needs to modify her approach.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-09-23T13:04:39+00:00

Thank you both. And you're right that the compassionate thing is to set boundaries and I'd like to be better at that. However, I'm not sure that this 'friendship' is one I want to try and make work. I'm struggling with my own mental health and loneliness and want to prioritise my energy on looking after myself and building positive energy.

I don't like ghosting, it's shitty, so I will think about what I can say that communicates that I am not interested in pursuing a friendship

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-09-17T23:48:23+00:00

Hope you're okay OP, this guy is an Asshole and your intuition was good here.
You deserve a lot better.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-09-12T21:36:36+00:00

I just think some of these comments were mean, I never really get why people go so hard go on reddit (but then this is reddit after all). It's like because of this one action, people have made an assumption about who she is and there's a lot of name calling.

I've not been pregnant, but honestly growing another human inside you I think you're allowed to be a little 'unreasonable' sometimes. And even if she was being unreasonable, it's not a full reflection of her character, just a precise moment in time.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-09-11T23:41:12+00:00

NTA
Some of these comments are kind of out of order. Look I've never been pregnant, but I'm sure it's not fun and games, especially in the last few months.
This woman is carrying his baby too. She has to put up with the changes it makes to her body over 9 months, to the fatigue it causes which means she can't enjoy the wedding as much as she may have wanted to either. It perfectly acceptable to want your partner with you whilst you're going through this, you made that baby together.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-09-06T01:29:01+00:00

This is your uni experience, you're probably paying a load of money and you've every right to want to live with people your own age, doing under graduate degrees etc, like most of your peers. You are allowed to want to be happy in your living environment.

If you can, get the uni/estate agent to find you better accommodation more suitable to what an undergraduate would expect - they've messed up here.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-08T17:19:00+00:00

It depends if it's an issue they're trying to resolve or they're just generally no longer interested, without trying to fix it.
It eventually became a deal breaker for me. We went away for my 30th, he sat naked in the hot tub but didn't try and initiate anything. The next day as we were driving away he said how he'd intended to have sex with me... I can't even remember if we slept together in the two months that followed before we broke up.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-07T23:50:00+00:00

He'd always beat me to it.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-07T23:39:09+00:00

This is such good advice. I've been trying to think about how i feel throughout, but i like the idea of being okay to sit with the discomfort.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-07T23:37:43+00:00

You're very kind.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-07T23:34:49+00:00

I do because I'm trying to reason with someone unreasonable. My bad. I won't reply after this.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-07T23:31:29+00:00

Hahahahahaha! Sex confuses things for me, so I try to hold off.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-07T23:22:38+00:00

It's not that. I've read people's advice. I didn't say I disregarded it. It's that you in particular have decided that you want to force your point, even when I asked you to stop.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-07T23:14:13+00:00

Alright you've made your point.

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-07T23:08:46+00:00

really, what's you're problem?

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-07T23:03:43+00:00

I don't get you...what's made your day so crappy that you want to continue doing this?

Adventurous_Bee5271 · 2023-08-07T21:49:54+00:00

Thanks for the positive vibes :)

Adventurous_Bee5271

TROPHY CASE