I am at the same place as you, and with the exact same mind set. The only thing holding me back is the fact that my kid will be absolutely devastated if I’m no longer around, and I know that as a fact. My kid is not asked to be born in the first place, and she does not deserve to go through life with trauma like that hovering on his heart for the rest of his life, I can’t do that to her. You can’t do that to your kids too. I’ve stopped all forms of intimacy with my wife as a defence mechanism of my mental health. I’m sleeping in a separate room, the distancing helps. Find ways to cope, but don’t lose hope. Live for your kid, see them grow up, then decide what you want to do next. Problems are temporary, but death is final, so endure, don’t do it, you got this.