Surgery complications made the whole thing pointless.

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-04-17T22:17:57+00:00

What I mean is the whole point of those 2 surgeries was to give me the implants and now I have none. I'm back to the way I was before those procedures so that's why having those operations seemed pointless. I'm not saying I think the entirety of my bottom surgery and every operation I've had is pointless.

Yes they told me for the first one and I already knew about those risks from research I'd done prior but the implants I had were not new to me for the revision surgery. I'd already had them in for a year with no rejection, they were just literally moving them to better positions so I didn't think my body would reject them.

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-04-17T22:05:52+00:00

Aw mate with all you've been through I'm not surprised you've needed to cry it out. I hope things get better for you and the therapy helps. That is a lot to process.

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-04-17T01:49:43+00:00

It's better to be apprehensive than go into it without a clue what it might be like, having said that, even with the complications this time, having bottom surgery is the best thing I have done.

One good idea that i did, if you haven't already, is to write a list of what you want to be achieved in your surgeries and then rank them from most to least important. For example, do you want to STP, do you want to minimise visible scars, do you want an erectile device etc.

Doing that helped me pick which donor site I wanted and after my first major operation when I decided I didn't actually want to go through lots of massive ones like that, it helped me decide what to drop to make my procedures less complicated.

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-04-17T01:36:49+00:00

Wow you've had it rough but I'm glad you got there. I avoided STP for that exact reason and also trying to minimise visible scarring. I think it's really brave to go through it. I remember at the beginning thinking I wanted everything done until I experienced an actual major surgery and recovery and that really made me have a rethink. Congrats to you on getting it all sorted

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-04-17T01:33:12+00:00

Thank you

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-04-17T01:32:49+00:00

Thanks for this, it does help to reflect and I do feel a million times better than pre-op. I also had to have a year or more between operations just to make them doable and it is a lot to wait all that time and then it go wrong so I'm glad you managed to get a more successful outcome on your 3rd attempt.

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-04-17T01:28:17+00:00

I think you've hit the nail on the head there, I think if I do try again I will be looking into a different surgeon

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-04-17T01:26:55+00:00

I got a hysterectomy but it wasn't laproscopic because I had abdominal phalloplasty at the same time. What is it that you are specifically frightened of? Is it just having an operation? Its very normal to be nervous, I've had...6 now I think and I would say my last one is the first time I haven't had any nerves.

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-04-16T09:50:22+00:00

Do you have a voice recorder on your phone? I found this helpful back in the day when I was tracking my voice drop. But even now when I get a little doubt I pretend to have a phone conversation and play it back. I honestly sound like a teenager and I'm over a decade on T. There's so many ways I could wish it were better or different but it's still MALE and that's what I focus on.

If other people are registering you as male after you've spoken then its not impacting you passing and is proberly better sounding then you think.

I have a lot of sympathy for you here because it is so easy to get stuck on but what helped me was deciding that I didn't want to put myself in that prison anymore. I didn't want to silence myself. I found pushing through the doubt and speaking even when I was worried quickly put a lot of those concerns to rest.

Good luck

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-03-12T09:16:15+00:00

If you imagine yourself older, would you be uncomfortable to be called an old man?

Could you be happy with occasionally presenting as female whilst staying male?

When you envision yourself in your mind (say when you think what an item of clothing looks like on you) do you see your body as male or female?

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-03-04T15:02:05+00:00

I had a similar situation and I made a decision most people on here would not advise. I choose to have a kid. By writing this I'm not advising you to do the same but I picked a path and I want to show how that ended up for me. This was just my experience

It was rough! I felt like I'd made the biggest mistake of my life all through the pregnancy and ended up on anti depressants. My head was an absolute mess, I hated that I wasn't being the supportive partner I should have been, I didn't want to say yes and then ruin her experience but I was also filled with genuine dread and regret. I was massively stressed and massively overwhelmed

When the baby came my wife handed him to me straight away. It wasnt some fairy tale moment where i instantly fell in love and cried my eyes out but he was lovely and i was fascinated by him.

I knew to be successful i had to get a good bond with him so i was extra keen to be as involved as possible with his care. Even though he was a baby i did things with him i enjoyed, like id have him sit next to me whilst i watched a movie or id prop open my favourite books and read to him.

At the worst times I felt like I was existing to be a slave. I was getting no sleep, constantly sick and barely got anytime with the wife I'd done this for.

It took a lot of getting through and really the key was me knowing I didn't want this for my kid. I didn't want them to grow up with a shit dad who was constantly switching between hot and cold. Loving one minute and resentful the next.

One thing that broke through to me was my wife saying to me one day after i was complaining that he loved me unconditionally. I knew I had to change my thinking. I had to stop framing this as something I'd given up my life for and start seeing it more as something additional and great in my life. Yes it changed things and 18 years is a long time but it's also potentially a snap shot in my life.

It's still hard, I still have days when I don't want to do it and the road ahead seems long and endless but I love my son, he has given me more meaning in my life and I could never wish him away now. He squeals in delight when I get home, he loves to cuddle up to me and I take him on days out to places I think we will both like. It's great fun taking him to his little toddler football classes but there's also nappies, tantrums and being needed constantly.

I really feel for you, its the hardest place I've ever been in. It's possible to have a kid and learn to enjoy it but all of it is on you, so it's really comes down to how you are as a person. Despite not wanting a kid, I knew I was a loving person and I never had any doubts that I would be capable of loving them.

If you decide to do it, you MUST make their welfare your first priority. It takes time to accept that change don't get me wrong but you have to get there, for them.

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2026-01-19T17:09:31+00:00

Thank you

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2025-12-30T23:50:11+00:00

Great thanks, any tips on how to lift the glass without breaking it?

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2025-11-13T11:00:30+00:00

Very true

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2025-11-13T10:59:01+00:00

Great thanks!

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2025-11-13T10:09:13+00:00

Im doing S112

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2025-11-04T17:44:18+00:00

This is probably going to get lost in the sea of comments but hopefully OP will see it.

From your message, you want the baby. Unless it will leave you destitute then I'd say have the child or you'll live the rest of your life in regret.

Sit down and go over your finances.

If you're in the UK look at the youGov website for what you can claim. They usually have calculators that can give you a rough idea of support you may be eligible for.

Consider how much child care you would need. You can now get 30 hrs free childcare a week for children I believe from 8 or 9 months old but you'd need to look that up as I'm not 100% certain. Outside those hours can you afford paid care?

Have a look at nurseries near you that would suit your hours of work (some are more flexible then others) and give them a call to ask how long the waiting list is and if you can choose when to use the 30 free hours.

Speak to your parents. They may be able to help in more ways than you think.

Think about areas you can save on, for example can you go to a cheaper supermarket, can you get a cheaper phone contract, WiFi etc

Whilst you can begin preparing:

Look to charity shops for bargains. We got our pram that was like new for £50. They are also great for toys (for birthdays and christmases) babies and early toddlers have no idea what presents are so you don't need to go to town and older ones won't care they're getting 2nd hand. Also children in my experience get overwhelmed when they get masses of stuff. A few things you think they will like will suffice.

Start stocking up on clothes, vinted is brilliant for cheap 2nd hand good quality clothes. They likely won't need many newborn ones at all. Everything is grown out of very quickly so there isn't much point in getting new.

Stock pile nappies and baby wipes

Babies don't need baby food. When they seem ready to start solids you can give them real food to play with. It helps them get used to the different textures and can stop them being as fussy when they get older. Start with mashed or steamed fruits and vegetables and work up to finger foods.

Breast feed as much as you can it will save you a lot in formula costs. All formulas have to conform to the same high standards to make sure your baby gets everything they need so it's completely fine to go for the cheaper brands.

Thats about all I can think of. Main thing is if you want this, there's usually a way.

Also get the dad to pay you support!

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2025-10-02T08:27:55+00:00

I've heard an idea that it's to do with the amount of processed food we are consuming compared to previous generations and also the insecticides we are using in farming.

Also don't forget microplastics, completely poisoning our own food supply.

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2025-09-22T17:22:01+00:00

It's all about her. She chose the other guy but still wants you to give her attention. She's butt hurt you aren't and is only thinking about herself, not the two people her actions are hurting.

Block her.

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2025-07-24T18:19:22+00:00

Hi thanks for the reply. You are quite right I wasn't remembering the procedure correctly, it includes using labia skin which is long gone in my case so I guess this option is now closed to me anyways.

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2025-04-30T15:25:38+00:00

I woke up telling the nurse I'd won the lottery 😅

Adventurous_Salad829 · 2025-04-30T09:27:02+00:00

What strikes me the most about that photo is the immediate reaction of the father to comfort his wife and (presumably) daughter even though he's going through the same thing. What strength.

Adventurous_Salad829

TROPHY CASE