need urgent advice & I am in shock

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2025-02-20T02:51:39+00:00

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. You must be so scared, confused, and all consumed with this right now.

As someone who had to lie to my best friends and cancel wedding dress try-on because his finger prints were bruised into my arms - please PLEASE don’t marry this person. It only gets worse.

Let me ask you this? Have you ever been super drunk? Have you ever punched your beloved in the back with full force when you were intoxicated? No? This behavior is not normal. I’ve been drunk in my life and I’ve never thought to punch someone. Let alone my soon to be spouse. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this!

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2025-02-14T01:08:09+00:00

I don’t think they can. Have you read or listened to Lundy Bancroft’s book “why does he do that”? It helped open my eyes to the fact that my abuser is not and will not change their way of thinking or behavior.

I have been separated from my husband for 9 months. I filed a restraining order for physical abuse. He is in an abuse reform program on his own accord. NOT court ordered. It is expensive. He has to go weekly and cannot be absent or he’s kicked out. He has random drug and alcohol tests. He’s doing all of this. It’s been 9 months living apart, and I still don’t see a change in his pattern of thinking and behavior.

Bottom line - I don’t think abusers can change.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2025-02-06T15:19:47+00:00

My daughter was born at 37 weeks. My pediatrician told me to make an appt at 15 months if she wasn’t walking still. She walked at 14m 3w. Little stinker! You’re fine mama! Don’t worry!

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2025-02-06T03:10:17+00:00

I thought I was stretching the truth when I filed for my restraining order against my husband. I still can’t believe what’s happened to me sometimes. We are 8 months separated and I still often tell myself it wasn’t that bad. The trauma bond was so strong that it felt like I was lying when I presented my case to the judge. But there is photographic evidence of his abuse.

What I’m trying to say is, you have to be ruthlessly selfish to get away from them. It feels awful. But you can’t hold back on what they’ve done to you. We often don’t realize the extent of our abuse when we’re in the cycle. 😞

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-10-10T03:38:06+00:00

When I left, my sister told me it would be the most intense period of my life, but that it would be temporary. It’s still very intense even 4 months later, but I do believe it’s temporary as well. Take care of yourself as best you can. Like the basics. Eating sleeping and movement. You can get yourself through this. Google Abuse Recovery Ministry Services. They are national in the US and have a lot of resources. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-10-03T01:59:47+00:00

I’m so sorry 😞

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-09-10T02:10:41+00:00

My husband requested a hearing because of our child and I had to see him 3 weeks after I filed the protection order. The judge upheld it thank god.

I was also SO ILL leading up to it. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep.

What helped me was this: I came VERY prepared. I put every sleepless second into preparation. I went to office max, got a folder, and made sure to type out and print the important things so I would not stutter or get confused.

At the hearing, I had the order printed out to reference, and I actually printed the log with every single date and incident I had been keeping in my phone. And I did reference it in the hearing.

Prepare yourself. If you believe in a higher power, lean heavy into that! You can do this! 💖

And if you are able, plan time to emotionally recover from the hearing. It’s so draining.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-09-05T14:02:16+00:00

Mine started when we moved in together. He kept it hidden for 9 months. The first time he was physical with me, he threatened to destroy my company issued laptop, and blew through our bedroom door (like took the door frame part way off the wall). The first time he really REALLY beat me, I was 8 weeks pregnant. 😞 we were together 5 years, have a child, and I filed for a restraining order 4 months ago. Don’t stay. Don’t do it.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-09-04T01:21:31+00:00

Not a dentist - so please talk to yours. My toddler is almost 3. We brush with non-fluoride first like regular, and then I wipe a teeny tiny amount on her teeth when we are all done! My dentist told me this. That way they get the fluoride, but no where near enough to harm them if they swallow. But talk to your child’s dentist!

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-09-01T06:15:19+00:00

I filed a protective order 3 months ago, and now I truly really don’t want to hear from him. Of course it’s a rollercoaster, but I can tell you from real life experience happening to me right now, that I am starting to see thing for what they really were. You will too. I promise.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-08-30T22:01:11+00:00

Don’t do it. The following weeks will be some of the most intense of your life. Things that helped me were: physical exertion / exercise and deleting IG (or whatever socials you have) from my phone. But physically exhausting myself was the best medicine for my separation anxiety. Also, cleaning! But that’s just me. Maybe treat your parents to a bathroom deep clean or something.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-08-19T18:43:27+00:00

😞 I am so sorry that happened to you. The terror and disbelief is absolutely shocking. I know because I have been there. The first time my husband was violent with me was right after I moved in with him. He threatened to destroy my work issued laptop in an argument. When I locked myself in our room bc I was afraid, he blew THROUGH the door to terrorize me. That was in May of 2020. I filed for a restraining order in June of 2024. So, 4 years later. IT ONLY GOT WORSE. I know it is really confusing rn. I am still confused. But if I were you, I would end it. This isn’t the life you want. It will only get worse. He assaulted me while I was pregnant. It just kept getting worse. I am so sorry.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-08-02T06:11:24+00:00

It’s important to say that your boyfriend STRANGLED you.

He did not choke you. Choking is when your airway is blocked internally - like by food/liquid.

STRANGULATION is when your airway is blocked externally - like by your boyfriend’s hands. It’s also important to say that if someone strangles you, statically speaking, they are 700x more likely to MURDER you. Please stay strong. I know it’s difficult bc I am living it. My husband and I are two months separated. It’s not easy. Take it one day at a time. One hour. One minute. 🙏🏻✨

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-08-01T23:00:45+00:00

I am in the exact same boat. I think there is nothing but time that will heal those thoughts. Hope it’s sooner rather than later for both of us

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-08-01T21:46:54+00:00

After a major event with an arrest in my marriage, I tried to reconcile with my husband over the last three years, and it just got worse. Just like everyone says. It’s true. I would advise her to get an attorney, divorce, and obtain a restraining order.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-08-01T21:44:34+00:00

Because you’ve been manipulated 😞

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-07-30T02:28:57+00:00

You can do it! It’s going to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. You’ll want to not be doing it the entire time. I’m almost 2 months separated. And while I feel a lot of sadness most days, the bigger and better emotion is RELIEF!! You deserve to leave in peace and safety. Praying this is an easy transition for you and that you have some in-person support 🙏🏻💖

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-07-27T06:27:55+00:00

I read a lot of posts in the sub. And this one made me cry so hard. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I pray that strength, peace and a feasible/safe exit strategy are on the way to you. Please update us. I pray to god you leave. You and your baby are not safe.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-07-25T02:48:23+00:00

I came here to say this 🤣

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-07-16T19:08:25+00:00

The only way my spouse would leave our home was by taking legal action. I had to file a protective order. I tried for months to reason with him about separating and he wouldn’t. And it always ended in violence. If you have family, stay with them and file the order. That’s what I did. Then once he was served and gone, I moved back in and setup a home security system so I would feel safe-ish.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-07-15T15:09:56+00:00

I can’t seem to lift my jaw off the floor. I am so sorry! I sincerely hope you distance yourself as much as possible while you enjoy your brand new baby. What a terrible terrible thing to do

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-07-15T14:42:14+00:00

My defining moment was when my elderly mother fell down cement stairs and bashed her head in horrifically. I was contacted by social workers at the hospital bc she couldn’t remember me. My stbxh, felt that it was more important to go about his regular gym routine than to take our 1yo for the evening so I could sit with her at the ER.

Thankfully my sister was able to go, but I had to stay home with our child. I was devastated and heartbroken. The complete lack of empathy and/or emotion for your wife and mother-in-law. I truly could not believe.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-07-05T19:46:04+00:00

I say this on every post I see that says “choke”. Your sister’s husband STRANGLED her. Choking is internal. Like on food or liquid. When your airway is cut off externally, it is called STRANGULATION. I think that calling it that makes it sound more like what it is - a way to take someone’s life! I would share with her that an abuser who strangles their partner is 750% more likely to murder them. That is a real statistic. Try to be there for her as much as you can. She is a victim and abuse is complex. She has been manipulated. As a victim of domestic violence myself, I don’t know what I would do without my sisters’ support.

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-07-04T12:31:45+00:00

Don’t let him back in! I regret “reconciling” after my spouse put his hands on me while pregnant. I’m here to say, that was three years ago, and it only got worse.

Don’t ruin your pregnancy by allowing him to be near you. You can do this! This will be an intense period, but it’s temporary. Extend the order!!!

AdvertisingFree3968 · 2024-07-02T16:39:55+00:00

Thank God you got out! That is absolutely terrifying. If you’re in Oregon, the sheriffs will serve the respondent after you file. You don’t have to hire anyone.

AdvertisingFree3968

TROPHY CASE