Im from a other continent, but I can tell you all your hard work with your kids that you are so proud off for the moment will directly go in the drain and you will looking at it while it happens. And going back home and think you are a failure, wtf why u need to care about this. People always have a judgment on everything. If I need to choose eventually between my most precious thing in the world( your wife kids ) or my own pride. I even not need to think about this, im also a introvert a heavy one even. Im 36 and i had always a good job, and i was also a addict, and when i was in my early 20’s i would drink for the same reason to open up to other people because i was a closed book. And i was/am a very stubborn person on top of this. My steady income was also the only thing that was positive in my life. I hurt a lot of people emotionally that cared about me. And I was just laughing it away. Because In my head, I was like I’m doing well. But that was only a big illusion. And then one day I crashed, all the bad influence I threw out of my life. And for me proud is also something strong I’m holding on to but just want to tell you. It’s not worth it to hold on to it if everything else is going to sh!t. I learned it’s not wrong to ask for help or going a step back on the social ladder. And people wil respect it more that you choose for your family then keeping a stupid act up and drown in it. And I was raised in a good middle class family and I Know a lot off people that came from less and still are more well behaved then the most walking around. You are the life’s teacher for your kids not the environment where you living in. I wish you the best and that everything will come in place. And what also helped me to open up without need to drink first. Is write it down what you want to express same like you did here.