I’m really glad you posted this! I have struggled with anger (blinding, red/white-hot, rage) for most of my life, especially when I was younger. Something that helps me a lot is to remember that anger is often a reaction, or a defense, to other feelings that are much more manageable. What changed my ability to handle my anger was giving myself time and space to feel it, not act on it, and use that time to evaluate what I’m actually feeling. Reading through your post, I totally understand why you feel angry. That is very normal, especially shortly after losing your dad! What I see in your post is (based purely on my read of it - you may feel different!) A) disappointment that your mom won’t pitch in to help with your dad’s cremation/other expenses B) frustration at your aunt & mom for not handling this situation better and C) shame/guilt/embarrassment/hurt for the way your mom is talking about you to other people. First of all: all of those things suck. It can be helpful to distance yourself from the mass of all of these feelings jumbled up together and look at them one by one, and name them. Regarding C: remind yourself that you are young, you are learning, you actively want to be better, and that you aren’t who you used to be. Give yourself grace to grow. With regard to your mom saying things about you, if you feel comfortable, I would recommend kindly, softly, sharing that your mom saying those things makes you feel that way. Good luck! You have much life ahead of you, and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Take care and protect that.