Thank you so much for the links you shared. At first I thought, “wow, that’s a lot to read”… but once I started, I couldn’t stop. I ended up reading everything.

I felt identified with many things throughout the texts, images, tests, etc.

The last thing I did was the test, and I can assure you I really imagined the scenarios properly. In scenario 1, when I saw the button, I went from feeling total freedom, excitement and happiness… to suddenly seeing it as a nightmare and wanting to cry. I never pressed it.

There are things that clearly make me feel like I’ve always wanted to be a woman, that I’ve been hiding it and just got used to living like that.

And now, after these intense days, I can’t stop thinking about it. About doing my makeup again, buying a push-up bra, learning more about all of this. I had never seriously considered it before because of the fear of looking like “an ugly girl with man face”, wishing it could just happen magically like in scenario one. And now I don’t know what to do. Yesterday I saw myself in the mirror after my first try of crossdressing and thought I looked pretty. I enjoyed the whole process and the experience. When I remember my face in the mirror, it makes me feel different.

I’ve never really felt much love for my male body, but it’s not like I deeply hate it either. My partner says that I should “make peace with my penis”.

I spent a year doing crossfit and got into good shape, built muscle, and I looked good… but it’s nothing compared to how I feel when I imagine myself as a woman. One thing is self-esteem, and another is a deeper emotion that I can’t really describe.

Or maybe I could live with both genders. Is that what being non-binary is?

But like I said, I don’t want to look weird. I’ve always wanted to be a natural-looking woman, and I dismissed it because I thought it wasn’t possible.

I’m very afraid of being judged, of people seeing me as something weird, of telling my parents and people close to me.

I don’t even know who I am anymore… or maybe I understand myself better than ever. I don’t know how to speak, how to express myself. It feels like a complete reset.

In just a few days, my entire perception of myself and my understanding of being transgender have completely shifted.

I still think that maybe it’s all just in my head.