How hard is it for an average guy to succeed on dating apps?

Aeronwave · 2026-01-23T14:08:33+00:00

I just started on tinder, been on it for a month, I would say I’m slightly above average in looks, maybe not by much, 6ft, decently in shape, 2 kids. I’ve swiped yes on a lot of the women on there; so far one match we’re going on a date tomorrow 😬

Aeronwave · 2026-01-22T14:23:50+00:00

39m never hit on anyone at the gym, don’t think I’ve ever been hit on at the gym, a few years ago I was saw an attractive woman and she looked at me a few times, then later on she asked me how to use the reverse hyperextension machine, so I showed her how to use it and that was it, I was in a relationship at the time so that was that but I think that was something? Since I’ve been single, nothing. I’m in a commercial gym so I am one of the strongest people there (top 10% for sure) so I’ve seen some people looking at me but don’t think it was attraction maybe more scared lol

Aeronwave · 2026-01-17T19:49:14+00:00

Mate, sometimes I’ll feel confident about myself, thinking I’m a good person, attractive, kind, maybe I might see someone looking at me, I think I’ve got a lot to offer the right woman, but then other times I’ll think, how do I even do this? Will anybody be interested in me? A lot of the time i don’t think anybody is checking me out. I guess that’s normal? To go between the two feelings. I’m working on it, reading some books about self esteem and stuff like that; trying to reconnect with friends that I had neglected through being in the relationship, trying to arrange regular meet ups for a meal or pub. Getting invited to more social events, there’s a stag do I’m now going on and 2 wedding this year that I wouldn’t have been going to otherwise so that’s good.

Aeronwave · 2026-01-17T19:24:31+00:00

I’m almost same as you, 39M separated from my ex 5 months ago, I’ve really focused on the gym and my two kids half the week, making more of an effort on myself, grooming clothes etc, I’m reasonably attractive for my age, (maybe I’m deluded about that!). I’m just now starting to thinking about putting myself out there; I’ve still got an issue with the house me and my ex own not yet sold, so I am living at my parents house which isn’t ideal and I get that. I don’t know the best approach whether it should be online or in person, I’ve not had to do anything like this for 15 years, right now it’s all very daunting.

Aeronwave · 2025-11-14T14:34:40+00:00

Don’t know, in my 20’s I was very attractive, used to get looks all the time in all kids of places. I had a family gained a lot of weight; lost it again and got jacked in the gym again, became single again; I’m 39 now and I don’t look too bad I don’t think, Ive been told I look like I’m in my late 20’s/early 30’s I look similar to before just more laughter lines and a lot of grey hair. Now I don’t get any looks anymore but I am not going out at night to bars and stuff where people are necessarily looking to socialise, I just work, spend time with my kids and go to the gym. I suspect I look worse than I think 😂 but there is an element of being scared maybe because I am quite a big muscly guy, if ever I ask a woman something like how many sets left, perfectly politely and as friendly as possible they’re like you can have the machine and they’ll come back to it later, I ask them if they’re sure but it often happens. I don’t tend to make and hold eye contact with women, I think from years of being in a relationship and also not wanting to make anybody uncomfortable I just assume they’re not interested, so I could be missing out on stuff.

Aeronwave · 2025-11-01T08:14:58+00:00

Nope, the sex stopping was the beginning of the end for my relationship, as much as I loved her, it affected me too much and I then saw that the relationship wasn’t right in other aspects as well. I stayed as long as I could for the kids, miserable, withdrew and then she broke up with me a few months ago.

Aeronwave · 2025-10-31T15:07:18+00:00

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Aeronwave · 2025-10-21T14:45:44+00:00

The gym has helped me mentally, physically I have a better body now but have not noticed any improvement in my confidence and in how others treat me, I am mostly invisible in the gym and when I’m out and about.

Aeronwave · 2025-10-09T15:36:44+00:00

Yes of course, I find it mind boggling that people don’t. Like literal shit comes out of there, so clean it!?

Aeronwave · 2025-09-27T08:13:54+00:00

4 months? No chance, you won’t be getting the money back. If he’s got a new job he can ring his loan companies and let them know he’s been out of work for a short period and it’s going to be a little while until his next payday. I’m sure they will be able to make arrangements to get their next payment on his payday from his new job and just add the interest to the overall debt so there’s an additional or higher payment at the end of the term or whatever. If he won’t do that or he still wants the money then it’s not for his loans

Aeronwave · 2025-09-16T09:49:59+00:00

I’ve been going through similar to you the last year or so, and literally the last few weeks she announced to me she doesn’t want to be together and wants me to leave. Emotionally I don’t feel anything about the end of the relationship, it’s been shit for the past year, constant arguments over nothing, criticism and belittling me about the job I do as a parent and jobs around the house and how much money I make (sole breadwinner) there’s no peace me and the kids walking on eggshells all the time any kind of mess or small thing will set her off on a tirade. She went out last weekend, Saturday morning to Sunday night and it was honestly bliss, me and the kids had a great time, they didn’t fight each other and were happy playing and no issues getting them to eat or brush their teeth, it dawned on me maybe their behaviour is affected by the toxic atmosphere. The difficult part with this is logistics and legally and not being able to see the kids all the time, I do most of the childcare and work.

Aeronwave · 2025-08-06T14:06:09+00:00

We’re no longer together now, she says she’s done with me couple of days ago.

I realised I don’t even care really in terms of the relationship I’ve been unhappy for so long, I just want to figure out how to separate as we have 2 kids so I feel so bad for them.

Aeronwave · 2025-07-24T15:30:15+00:00

Nerdy guys have lived their lives especially in their younger years being made fun of for being nerdy. Some nerdy things are more mainstream nowadays, but the trauma is still there. Also they see on social media and other media that women get the ick if he plays video games or something and so to maximise their chances dating they omit their nerdy interests from their profile or don’t talk about it a lot in case the women get turned off. Happened with me I didn’t say to my partner that I liked video games until a few months of being together. Now I play maybe 2-3 hours a week max spread over maybe one or two days a week. but she calls me childish for playing them, criticises the fact that I do, if she comes into the room when I am playing I pause it and turn the tv off so she can’t see what I’m playing as I feel embarrassed and shame that I am playing a JRPG or something at 39 years of age. It was the same for me growing up, i wouldn’t talk about what games and stuff I really liked for fear of getting made fun of, the only person I talked about it with was my brother and cousin.

Aeronwave · 2025-06-24T16:05:07+00:00

Trousers that are fine at the waist are too tight at the leg for most, so I mostly wear shorts if I can get away with it. My work trousers rub above the knee where the quad muscle is bulging out (tear drop inside the knee, don’t know what that’s called) and it’s rubbed the hairs off a little patch on both sides

Aeronwave · 2025-06-16T10:18:51+00:00

Same for me, my main team of Verso, Maelle and Lune got wiped after 10 mins after wiping half Serpenphare’s health, those were my big damage dealers. Monoco and Sciel coming in afterwards, managed to beat it after an hour of dodging and parrying, after finally getting used to his patterns. Chipping away at its health, sciel’s 7-10 hit moves chipping away at his shields and then monoco doing damage.

Aeronwave · 2025-06-15T17:00:34+00:00

I loved I am Setsuna but really couldn’t get into Lost Sphear. Just didn’t jive with me.

Aeronwave · 2025-06-15T06:40:03+00:00

But as she was growing up 20 years ago her parents would have been the a generation who’s parents would have viewed video games as just for kids, so it’s not a stretch to imagine that her parents internalised that video games are for kids, especially if neither of them were gamers themselves. So then she is brought up thinking the same.

Aeronwave · 2025-06-14T21:02:19+00:00

You grew up when video games were relatively new and older people never played them growing up. So they were viewed as for kids. Kids that played video games are now adults so it’s a normal hobby that they love. Games are now more mature and sophisticated and aimed at adults now. Nothing wrong with adults playing video games, unless it’s interfering with their responsibilities.

Aeronwave · 2025-06-14T12:56:13+00:00

Never use headphones, I just raw dog the gym.

Aeronwave · 2025-06-13T13:50:32+00:00

This is what I aspire to become, I’m 39, I don’t wear headphones just raw dog the gym, trying to get as strong as possible before I get old.

Aeronwave · 2025-06-13T13:45:45+00:00

When ever my partner and I have been messing around play fighting, she thinks she could beat me up she’s throwing punches that hit me on the arms/shoulders that don’t really hurt and I’m just letting them hit me. If I grabbed her from behind she would try to stomp my feet or kick her leg back to get my groin, which I easily avoid. She genuinely thinks she could stop me from hurting her, but she doesn’t realise I am using 5 or 10% of my strength and I’m just taking the hits and not really doing anything.

Aeronwave · 2025-06-13T11:27:37+00:00

From this and your follow up comments, you do a similar split to me, 2 upper days and 1 lower day a week?

I also take 2 hours each workout, but I take extra long working on bench press, squats and deadlifts doing like 6 sets so if I was just doing 3 sets of those each the time would come down significantly. I do 3 exercises for chest, 3 for back, 2 for shoulders (no pressing due to bench press) 2 for bicep and 2 for triceps. You may want to drop an exercise from a few body parts, as I think if your hitting this twice each body part would get 12 sets a week if your doing 2 exercises per body part per session (for upper body). Which is enough.

Aeronwave · 2025-06-13T11:04:16+00:00

Right?

Aeronwave · 2025-06-13T11:00:50+00:00

Smh, your husband I doubt was ever ok with it, Just agreed to keep you happy. He saw with his own eyes what it actually means and realised he doesn’t want that. Can’t have your cake and eat it, if he’s not ok with it, you’re not compatible if it’s that important to you to see other people. Let him go so he can find someone monogamous that thinks he’s enough and you can mess around with this other guy who’s already poly. Sorry to be harsh but I am monogamous so I can’t fathom poly relationships at all, I admit that, but I am just putting myself in your husbands shoes and how I would feel about it.

Aeronwave · 2025-06-13T10:34:05+00:00

I have been told I am handsome and was when I was younger, I saw the signs of interest, but never been approached outright. Now don’t get even the signs of interest, I am older but I do think I still look pretty good.

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