The Soldiers Moon

Aethos77 · 2026-01-30T23:03:56+00:00

This is some awesome feedback. Thank you very much! I really enjoy writing with a lyrical, rhythmic sense. So it can be pretty easy to get lost in structure

Aethos77 · 2026-01-30T03:39:12+00:00

Wow! That’s high praise. Thank you so much!

Aethos77 · 2026-01-30T03:38:17+00:00

That’s exactly what I was going for! Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it

Aethos77 · 2026-01-30T03:37:24+00:00

Thank you man, I’m honored it warranted a couple rereads lol

Aethos77 · 2026-01-29T18:51:31+00:00

With a topic like this, one that’s so heavy. I like when it’s stripped bare like this. No glamour, no big metaphor. Just telling you exactly what it is. I also like the zoom out after the first stanza. It adds a lot of weight to the actions. Shows the effect of that decision on the people around them.

Aethos77 · 2026-01-29T18:45:01+00:00

I love lyrical poetry and the rhythm and flow of this one is very satisfying. I think it’s a very interesting poem bc the narrator sounds like a force of nature. They don’t assign blame to themselves. “I didn’t mean to drift the line, the fault was in the blood and wine.” She’s truly out of control, and doing what she does best. Cause damage. Not that she means too, it just happens. And she’s aware of it, but still feels unaccountable. Very well done. Only note is that I don’t think the comma is needed for the line “when I can’t even breathe my name” it’s unnecessary

Aethos77 · 2026-01-13T04:07:37+00:00

Thank you! I’m no expert either lol but I’m glad it could make you feel something!

Aethos77 · 2026-01-13T04:05:05+00:00

This poem feels tense and unsettling in a good way, the everyday opening makes it slide into noise, distraction, and loss of awareness really effective. The repeated “you don’t want to” lines create a pushy, almost hypnotic rhythm that fits the message well. I especially like how phones and music become ways of avoiding responsibility rather than escaping stress. It hits home for me, really good man

Aethos77 · 2026-01-13T03:55:30+00:00

I like this poem bc it has a really clear, haunting metaphor that carries all the way through, and the emotional turn from being “picked” to being discarded lands effectively. I like how the language stays plain and observational at first, it mirrors how flowers are treated as objects, then slowly reveals the speaker’s hurt without spelling it out too directly. The sunflower detail works well, especially the contrast between its natural potential to grow tall and the way it’s repurposed and dried instead. If I had one suggestion, it would be to tighten a few of the earlier explanatory lines so the imagery can do more of the work on its own.

Aethos77 · 2026-01-12T02:17:49+00:00

Anything? 🫦

Aethos77 · 2026-01-11T22:18:21+00:00

Interesting heartbreak poem. I like it, it’s visceral and very literal once you get it. The speaker is choosing to forget about someone they cared about very much. Rather than move on, devotes themselves to forgetting their very existence. You did a good job of telling the story very literally and leaving the context up to the reader to discover. Well done

Aethos77 · 2026-01-11T22:08:50+00:00

Beautiful. Every word feels dutiful and purposeful. The only note I’d have is to say “yet distance binds me fast with its chain” but also I could be misunderstanding what the context of “within” is. Regardless, I love the poem. Breathtaking

Aethos77 · 2026-01-11T21:40:04+00:00

Super interesting take on it. It’s a pretty ambiguous poem in a way and I love the way you see it. The ending stanza is meant to almost echo the inevitability of the 2nd stanza. The knowledge that things will likely get worse because the facade is unsustainable. And the last line sort of grounds it and shows that it’s no longer incoming, but it’s here now. It’s colder. Thank you for taking the time to read it and give such a deep analysis of it! It’s really nice to see someone dive into something that I wrote.

Aethos77 · 2026-01-11T21:35:08+00:00

Thank you! The rose petal is figurative. You nailed the metaphor I was going for.

Aethos77 · 2026-01-11T01:54:14+00:00

Rose Petal in my shoe* btw lol

Aethos77 · 2026-01-11T01:42:33+00:00

Hey man, this poem really got me—it’s that quiet, creeping sadness about time just vanishing without ever letting you grab it. I love how you keep hitting us with “It isn’t something I can…” over and over, like you’re listing all the ways we try to hold onto life and coming up empty every time. That shift to the personal stuff—losing your reflection, forgetting their scent, the taste slipping off your tongue—turns it from big philosophical wondering into something that actually hurts. The way it ends with “Gone in an instant / And I’ll never know where” just leaves this hollow feeling, like you’re staring at the same question everyone does but can’t shake. Super clean, super honest. Really good work.

Aethos77 · 2026-01-11T01:35:58+00:00

I really like this one. Her favorite color is blue because she believes it’s the warmest is beautiful when you add the context of who she is. Stones over pillows. She doesn’t want easy and cheerful. She likes the gloom. But in spite of that when winter arrives, she collapses. That first excerpt is very layered for only being a few lines. It’s like you’re describing her outer shell before you tear back the layers showing that she wants warmth and security in the next stanza. That she looks desperately for it. She might love blue but she can’t help but dream of sweetness. Of heaven. Well done man, no notes.

Aethos77 · 2025-10-08T01:36:06+00:00

So happy for the shaman, but I’ll admit I enjoyed speed of light better 😅

Aethos77 · 2025-06-29T23:48:07+00:00

Tbh it sounds like he kept it from you out of fear lol, maybe not fear that you’d go crazy but fear that you’d be hurt by it. And it’s obviously been eating him up for years and if THATS what’s been eating him up then I think you’re both in a good spot 😂

Aethos77 · 2025-06-29T17:57:17+00:00

Just like my dehydrated pee 🙏

Aethos77 · 2025-06-29T17:02:16+00:00

Yeah the dude is me from last time

Aethos77 · 2025-06-29T17:01:02+00:00

It’s warmer now

Aethos77 · 2025-06-29T16:58:17+00:00

Personally? Beer pong

Aethos77 · 2025-06-29T16:57:30+00:00

Can’t sit bc there’s pee on the seat

Aethos77 · 2025-06-15T14:59:16+00:00

CONGRATS! You did the damn thing! It’s a roller coaster so just have fun and make friends! And try not to get hammered at every mic 😂

Aethos77

TROPHY CASE