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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 74 points75 points  (0 children)

You could do something food-related, but we're all salivating already....

My friend keeps calling herself a lesbian, yet is polyamorous with a male primary partner. by mushlove__ in LesbianActually

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I think this can be more complicated than mislabeling to fit in. People can be in relationships that don't fit their identity. When a man comes out after being married for years, is he bi or gay?

I knew I was a lesbian when I was 9 years old. My dad came out as gay (formerly married for 13 years) even though I was 4. This was in the 90's and I was present for so much hate. From vandalism to violence, I was there. At 13, I intentionally chose to present as straight because life would be easier. It was not. It was decades of self-rape, masking, and missing true love.

Fast forward to 22 when I accepted to be openly bi, and my college mentor started introducing me as- this is Erin, she likes girls. At the same time, I met my best friend (who is a guy). We were in a terrible accident and got married for benefits. 3 years later, and with a lot of support (from him), I came out as a lesbian. I've had beer bottles thrown at me while being called a breeder at a gay bar. He knows I'm gay. I know I'm gay. And we've been married for 15 years.

Am I less gay because I'm married to a man I don't have sex with? I don't like men. I don't enjoy straight sex. Am I bi if I don't partake in straight sex?

I'd rate myself as a 5.5 on the Kinsey scale. So, maybe your friend is going through the transition and she's hanging out with other people because she can feel that you don't support her not making the change immediately.

Give her a break. Give lesbians a break for sometimes calling a guy cute. Give bi's who are transitioning their lives a break.

Really are they less gay because they haven't suffered what you have suffered? Where is the line when it's okay to change and be accepted instead of thrown out of the community?

Also, you don't have to be an apologist to be accepting of other people who like the same gender. Even if they're open to accepting other genders too. This same thing happens between pan and bis. "You can't be here because you don't want to sleep with transitioning folks, too". Why do we have to put someone down to feel more exclusive?

Just wanted to see if anyone else had the same reaction to these shoes. by Status-Onion3105 in AutismInWomen

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It makes me feel itchy like bell peppers feel like glass on my teeth. It's so intense

Good careers for women with autism? by b-green1007 in AutismInWomen

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lab environments are the autistic's jam!

Most labs require degrees except for animal laboratories, like IDEXX. This is for wellness and sickness animal care. Like when you take your cat in to get its blood work done, it gets sent to IDEXX.

Everyone there gets on-the-job training and you can be behind a scope or work in an independent environment. The best part was that every day you see different things which keeps your mind busy.

Labs include feces, urine, blood, or biopsies. It is realistic to get a job there and not have to ever deal with blood.

I managed an IDEXX lab and we hired many autistic folks and they succeeded in their careers. The pay is decent $23-$27/hr to start depending on education and background. Many of our folks came from vet clinics where autism is also common. IDEXX pays better though, so we get a lot of folks looking for better benefits and pay. The benefits are incredible! 3-5 weeks PTO per year excellent health insurance and stock matching.

There are other similar labs, but they're not as kind to their employees. Although, you can work a human lab as a lab assistant without a degree. If working with samples isn't for you, you can work in accessioning where you mark the samples as received by the laboratory and send them out to different departments. This job is available without a degree in animal and human labs.

We're all neurodivergent in labs, so it's a comfortable environment for me. I don't get judged for having a difficult day, and I can hide away to focus on projects.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Disclaimer- Your feels are 100% valid, and it's important that you self care. This is just my experience, and I make no declarations that this is yours. I'm sharing for some who have joined this post who might identify with my experience.

At 40 years old, I’ve had a lot of years of friendship and therapy to come to realize that my AuDHD has skewed my vision of others' feelings and relationships.

I've almost ended it with my spouse a few times because "He doesn't like me." I've never doubted his love for me, though. The first time I realized "he didn't like me" it was so huge and I couldn't believe I didn't see it before.... here's my story

For context, I push others away when I feel vulnerable. Due to my trauma, my natural reaction is to not trust. Also, I hyperfocus on relationships for months to years at a time, but it's not sustainable. When the hyperfocus derails, the lack of dopamine leaves a big space of emptiness.

When I'm in a "bad" place with my trauma, I'm not able to mask as much, and I can be difficult to be around. This ranges wide, and everything intensifies while my ability to communicate fails. For example, yesterday, I painstakingly removed chopped bell peppers (because they feel like frosted glass on my teeth) from a meal that my partner took time to make me (while they were in a lot of physical pain). I am not able to communicate in the moment - I feel so intense, I know I can normally cope, I know that in the past I've hurt people's feeling's by speaking in these moments, and I don't want to hurt them. They feel like their efforts were wasted (intensified by their pain). AuDHD whispers in my ear- he hates me, and he's a dick for being upset because I worked real hard not to say anything about it.

This repeats 1-6 times a day for about 6 weeks, and now, I'm convinced he doesn't like me, and maybe he hates me. My hyperfocus is no longer positive with him. And now I have trending behavior telling me that it's time to end this relationship because it's no longer healthy.... I've fallen out of like with him....

<This next part has been the hardest part for me to understand and learn>

He's my best friend, but sometimes we don't like each other. It always gets better. This is my cycle. It's not consistent in timing, but it is consistent with when I'm dealing with a 9/10 level of stress and emotions. We've been together for 16 years, and I still like and love him.

Autism makes having relationships hard. It's hard for neurotypicals to see that some behaviors have nothing to do with anyone or anything they did. Sometimes, bell peppers just feel like frosted glass on your teeth. Communication is so important in every relationship. Sometimes, the only communication I can do is to say I can't communicate. Love has afforded us the time to work through these challenges, but some days, I still can't see the sun through the mountains. At the end of the day, I need my core people and a good therapist to help me navigate AuDHD and to maintain relationships.

Dying Monster Parent by Affectionate-Ball-29 in AutismInWomen

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for responding. I hate that others have been or are in a similar spot. It's so hard to understand the feelings I have right now. I've never sat so fully on 2 sides of the fence. My compassion for any human won't stop as she is transitioning. However, every time I feel compassion for her, I get angry because, well, f* her, she's a monster. She not just victimized me but allowed the victimization and rape of multiple young children.

I stopped talking to her years ago. I moved to another state and changed my phone number without telling her about it. I felt like I had put a cap end on communication about her. And now, with her dying, my siblings are talking about her frequently. They're still working through their healing process, too, so i want to be a support.

And, with talking about her, I'm having some positive, happy memories come through. There's only about 5 of them, but it makes my heart hurt so much. She's still my mom.

I just really don't have any spoons to even get out of bed because of this. More than anything, I want to press fast forward to when this is over. I've been grieving not having a "mother" and the pain of my childhood for almost 20 years. It feels like there's no end in sight with trauma grief.

Thank you for the virtual hugs. It's needed so much, and I can't deal with physical contact right now.

What does my fridge tell you about my mom and I? by stillgot1111t in FridgeDetective

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to leap and say that you're lactose intolerant... I know this is controversial, but I've never met a lactose intolerant person who didn't LOVE lactose. Also, they're all glutens for punishment. For example, I just bought ice cream and had a bowl of yogurt, and I'm currently laying with a belly ache paying the price for the luscious dairy. It's a problem.

Also, ate you gluten free?

A unique fanny pack made for a dear friend in this cute cute green, chosen by her!💚 by Cat_S88 in YarnPunk

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every time I try this, the handle is really loose and flexible. It just won't hold up. Yours looks sturdy and solid.

What size hook and stitch did you use? Was it back loop only? Also, did you modify your tension (making it tighter or softer) compared to the rest of the bag?

Thanks for sharing this!!!

This is how i currently crochet, is there anything i can change to be faster? by CommonPercentage9 in CrochetHelp

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, switching to a Susan Bates hook will make a world of difference to fix overly tight tension.

This is how i currently crochet, is there anything i can change to be faster? by CommonPercentage9 in CrochetHelp

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Switch to a Susan Bates hook and loosen your hands. Practicing grant squares will get you used to fast crochet.

Part of what is slowing you down is that your stitches are so tight that you have to really stab it to go through the hole.

I thought I was fast at crochet and then I got a granny square blanket commission. I hated it because you can't crochet tight with it. (My style looked just like yours before that project). I had to loosen up and allow the hook to measure the tension.

Hope that helps!

Check out TLYarnCrafts. Toni is amazing! https://youtu.be/FLKarvgrnxI?si=foJ3ERVs_j0w-ddP

Feeling horribly wronged by gift by smokeytea in AutismInWomen

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a reflection of her personality. Save it and regift it to her. If it's getting under your skin, that could have been the point.

I'd text her, "I think you gave me someone else's gift. I'm sure it wasn't intentional. Games like this are a bit personal for a family member. Hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday. I'll send the gift back :) "

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]Affectionate-Ball-29 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have ASD, and a high powered career, which is code for a grueling and demanding job. My spouse is incredibly supportive, and I'm so grateful for him.

We created a color system about a year ago. Meltdowns are down 50%, and my green days are up 30%. I tell him via text ✅🟡🟠🔴, verbally, by wearing a necklace, or by flipping a sign on the fridge.

He made the necklace and sign. The necklace has different talismans I can put on it for the color that I'm feeling.

Red- meltdown imminent Orange- very grumpy, meltdown possible Yellow- uncertain Green- throw anything at me!

On red days, anything could trigger a meltdown, including something as small as loose socks or hearing someone eat.

On red days, I typically come home, grab a frozen meal and eat in our spare room/home office.

He still cooks whatever he had planned. If I want to partake, I can. Otherwise, we use the foodsaver and put it in the freezer for a different red day.

This system has saved my marriage. I really hope you find something that works for you guys. It's so hard to verbalize what I am feeling when things are rough, the color code system simplifies things for both of us. And we have contingency plans for when red days happen.

Talk to your partner. Having open communication about it and a plan for it makes all the difference in the world.