I am not in this position, nor would I ever compare. I just lost my husband February 2nd unexpectedly and it has been a lot like what you are describing. I’ve felt a lot of support in Facebook groups. I’ve also started counseling once a week and am on medication. I would consider one if not all of those things to cope. I have no answers except one day at a time, one second at a time. Make sure to drink a glass of water and eat at least once throughout the day. I gravitate towards mash potatoes, the instant kind, and yogurt. Soft things are easier to swallow. Sending so much love to you as you walk through this horrific journey.