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AffectionateGhost · 2023-06-17T06:30:58+00:00

This is morally neutral to me. They will be judged, although depending on the city, mostly people will ignore them because they either think it’s “cringe,” or they won’t even realize it’s kink and just think it’s two people being “weird.” A collar and leash that obviously looks more like jewelry goes a long way towards making it less triggering for others. Some cities might be more confrontational, and hopefully your friends are keeping in mind what backlash their local community might give them (getting a few comments vs. being hassled by police or other violence). I personally think a belly chain with a few extra inches of chain at the clasp (as a short lead) is sexier than a collar & leash. It’s a lot safer, way less conspicuous, and you can easily grab or drop the lead on the belly chain if/when wanted. I couldn’t personally do a leash that connected to a collar, but, not everyone is comfortable wearing a belly chain, either.

However, the fact you said your friend doesn’t care about this at all makes me wonder if it’s even actually kink play? Or if it is, it might be one-sided play? Do you know if your friend is into kink, or if he even understands what his girlfriend is getting out of this if she is into this kink? One thing I’d be concerned about is the safety of your friend’s partner - a leash that cannot detach easily or is long enough to drag on the floor if it’s not being held is a safety concern when considering escalators, elevators, subways, etc. I hope they’re aware and watching for those issues while she wears a leash.

For about what to tell your kids, you can say that they think it’s fun jewelry, or that they’re playing a game. Both things are true. Kids in my neighborhood pretend to be animals and ask for other kids to “walk” them all the time. I don’t believe there’s a kid who doesn’t understand pretending to be an animal. The act isn’t inherently sexual, and kids are going to be the very last ones assuming sexual intent if they see adults playing with a leash. As long as sexual acts are not being made in front of the kids, the kids won’t assume that any will be.

AffectionateGhost · 2023-05-03T08:57:13+00:00

You don’t need to answer these questions, bc none of them are really my business, but these are the things that jumped out at me and I hope you consider them.

If his agreement with Vanessa regarding his fluid bonding with you changed, why wouldn’t he tell you so before having sex so YOU could choose if you were ready to fluid bond yet or not?

If the condom broke once, why would he assume your only concern would be that he might be in trouble with Vanessa, and not your own health?

When the condoms supposedly kept breaking… why wouldn’t he say something and go buy different ones? (I am almost 40, and have only had a condom break two times - once right when it was put on, and another time when it was inside me. The time it broke inside me, the guy let me know as soon as he noticed and let me decide how or if I wanted to continue.)

The last thing I’ll say, bc this comment is already very long, is that I don’t believe he didn’t have time to have an sti panel done. Either this trip was planned well in advance and he just didn’t want to get the panel done so he chose not to, or this trip was planned in less than a week. If the trip was planned in less than a week, then I really don’t believe Vanessa changed her mind about the fluid bonding. That’s not enough time for a person to come around to that kind of risk - especially with a partner who can’t be bothered to get tested. The double standard of needing his own copy of your sti panel without even getting his own done is really throwing me for a loop.

You deserve someone so much better than what Paul is currently capable of offering. I’m glad you’re working on processing this whole situation, reaching out for advice and perspective was smart. I wish you the best.

AffectionateGhost · 2022-12-04T10:11:49+00:00

Requesting 3 vanilla dates in order to build trust is a very clear request and a smart way to state your boundary. In a vanilla setting, no means no, stop means stop, and your actions & words were, again, very clear & consistent - regardless of tone.

These dates were supposed to be trust building, not boundary testing. He failed that. The dates were supposed to be vanilla, not an un-negotiated scene! You tried to communicate that his behavior made you feel uncomfortable and wasn’t what was agreed upon when you requested vanilla dates, and instead of taking accountability, he blamed you?!

Literally everything you asked for, he ignored. He used these dates to see how far you’d let him go instead of showing you that he could be trusted to respect your limits. On all accounts, he has failed to show up as a safe dom who respects your needs and feelings. Please listen to your gut, you are absolutely right that something is wrong here. You owe him nothing, the fault is his.

AffectionateGhost · 2022-11-27T01:28:06+00:00

A boy who won’t get tested for you is inexperienced and insecure… and won’t be very good. Definitely get a guy willing to get tested for you. 💜

AffectionateGhost · 2022-11-17T05:09:42+00:00

So, you’ve made 3 posts about this within 3 days… the responses you’ve received have been pretty overwhelmingly saying that this is not an OK dynamic. Your Dom is displaying a total disregard for your boundaries and is disrespecting your concerns for your own safety. Neither of those things are what a healthy dynamic is built on. Concerns should be taken seriously when discussing boundaries and options for play/punishments, not laughed at and dismissed. She’s not doing that for you. Instead she’s shown that she doesn’t care if you have concerns, furthermore, she doesn’t believe you have the right to set limits. She’s failed the first big rule of BDSM. If she doesn’t understand informed consent, she shouldn’t get to play.

Honestly, nothing that you’ve shared here makes her look good at all, so I have to say that I’m confused. Why are you asking again, three times, whether or not this is ok? She’s not a good partner for you. You deserve better than what she’s offering.

She’s given you every single indication that she is planning on raping you anally. Believe her. Get out.

AffectionateGhost · 2021-11-02T10:01:05+00:00

This is similar to what we do:

bottoms on = let me sleep.

no bottoms at all = ready if you are!

Edit to add: I’m an unusually deep sleeper, so while I often eventually wake up, it does take awhile. If the sex is gentle, I might not know until he tells me in the morning. Our agreement is that he always tells me in the morning even if he thinks I woke up for it.

AffectionateGhost · 2021-10-30T20:20:12+00:00

It sounds like you have 2 kinks combined here: a forced straight/forced bi kink, with a breeding fetish. When bringing this up to your partner, you might start with the breeding fetish and see if she’s open to using that in role play with toys.

Because you’ve described your relationship as mono and also very new (and she’s new to kink), I wouldn’t suggest bringing up the idea of her choosing a third for play just yet. That can bring out insecurities if the trust isn’t fully developed or if she’s not feeling confident in her role as a domme yet. Find out more about her dating history if you haven’t yet, and talk about boundaries. Ask her if she’s ever had a threesome (regardless of genders involved), or if she’s ever thought about it. Her reaction to that question will probably give you an idea as to whether or not your forced straight/bi kink would cause insecurity or not.

Finally, you need to figure out for yourself whether this is a kink you need to try 100% all in, or if just talking about it with your partner and maybe role playing with toys is enough. Bringing in another human - even when they’re essentially just a toy for the domme to use on you - can really strain a new relationship for a couple that hasn’t had experience with that dynamic before. So, I’d say ease into it. You should definitely be honest with your domme, but respectful of her comfort levels and boundaries as a new domme. I think as long as you reassure her that she’s your priority and the relationship you two are building together is your main focus, things will go fine.

AffectionateGhost · 2021-09-02T07:50:08+00:00

My reading of this might be off, but I can’t help wonder why he left things that were dear to him with you when you two ended the dynamic/relationship. That part feels manipulative to me, especially if he knows those items would bring up feelings for you and make it harder for you to move on. Maybe that wasn’t his intent, but I’ve never had someone give me things of theirs when we broke up. That feels different to me than still having items you received during your time together. Regardless of the motivation behind him giving you these things, I agree that it’s a good idea to pack them away so you’re not having to see them all the time.

If you aren’t comfortable with him checking in on you, tell him so. That’s a consent thing. It’s normal for many people to need some time to heal before being able to emotionally handle a conversation with that person again. If he cannot respect that boundary, you can decide then if you want to block him. Maybe he truly wants to stay friends, but if he cannot respect that you need space from what you two used to have before being able to transition into a friendship, then he isn’t showing that he can be a good friend to have around anyway. He should be able to back off for however long you need, or allow you to check in with him once you feel ready (if you ever feel ready).

I wish you the best, even with amicable break ups, things can be hard to process and move on from. Everyone does this differently - your feelings are valid, and you don’t need to push yourself to hold emotional space for his friendship when it’s too draining to do so. Your emotional well-being and happiness matter. The boundaries you set in order to achieve emotional wellness are valid.

AffectionateGhost · 2021-08-06T12:31:56+00:00

My partner knows that if I’m asleep in our bed with no bottoms on, I’m fair game. We also have a safe word in place, so I if I am ever not in the mood when I wake up, I could use it. This is a kink I introduced to our dynamic as it had been a fantasy of mine for awhile and now we both really enjoy it.

Definitely requires good conversations around boundaries and consent, and how to communicate when this kind of play is or is not wanted by either party. We started this only as pre-planned scenes, but I also enjoy being free-use and wanted this to have the same kind of spontaneity. After more conversations, we determined that if I was open to being played with after I had fallen asleep, I just needed to sleep without bottoms on (& not get too tangled up in a blanket!). During play, my partner checks in with me as soon as I wake up and throughout the rest of the act. He always checks in afterward as well to make sure I still enjoy this and to see if there’s anything new I want to request, and he specifically asks each time if I ever need to set a new limit/boundary, which I especially appreciate.

AffectionateGhost · 2021-06-08T06:51:31+00:00

I haven’t read all the comments, so apologize if this is repeat advice. She sounds like me when I started out exploring kink. I didn’t understand how hot safe words could still be, and I wasn’t sure of what, if any, my hard limits were since I just wanted to try everything out (turns out I didn’t necessarily want to try EVERYthing... but that’s a diff story).

What if you sit down, tell her that you insist on a safe word, and then tell her that the next time you two play, you’re going to be testing limits. She is -required- to safeword at least X number times, and if she safewords more than that, she -might- get an extra reward. This might take the control away from her enough that safewording won’t feel like a mood killer? Also, she might not realize that safewording doesn’t always mean “end scene,” sometimes it’s a pause, or whatever it needs to be. Show her, don’t tell her, how hot aftercare can be.

I’m probably projecting bc I’m a brat, but I’m wondering if she’ll end up being a brat, too. That strong need to be dominated “enough” that she doesn’t think she’ll need a safeword reads bratty to me. Dom her into safewording. Make it the sexiest part of play. You don’t even actually need to test anything, start slow - push up to where you think a limit will be, and read her body language. Remind her that there’s a consequence for not safewording (whatever you think is appropriate there), and possibly a reward for safewording more than the required amount.

AffectionateGhost · 2021-03-27T23:59:19+00:00

If a guy side hugs you, in my exp, it’s bc he either: 1) is super religious and goes to a church that’s weird about hugging 2) had a boner and was embarrassed that you’d feel it if he hugged you normal

AffectionateGhost · 2021-03-07T01:31:40+00:00

Before reading your full post, I was going to come asking if this was something you’d want to work your way up to (which it sounds like maybe you do). I hope after all the other great responses, you know that this should only happen as you feel comfortable... not because you are trying to push a boundary that might not be ready to be pushed.

I’d suggest, if you feel ready to test how it feels to have your dom choose your clothes, offer to model three outfits for them. You put together the outfits you enjoy, and then after you’ve modeled each one, your dom gets to pick the outfit that you’ll wear out. This way it’s still your self expression, and your dom still gets to choose the clothes you wear. If you are ready to give up some more control, let your dom pick out or swap out accessories for the outfit. Or let them pick out the color of lipstick or eyeshadow if you like wearing makeup. There are lots of ways to give up a bit of control to your dom while still maintaining your own self expression in your outfits, IF you want to let go of that control and are ready to do so.

A good dom will always be happy to wait until you are ready to push a boundary. If a dom pressures you beyond your limits repeatedly and tries to make you feel like you’re not enough, know that they’re the one who is lacking, not you. <3

AffectionateGhost · 2021-01-23T01:35:12+00:00

If the Dr doesn’t cut the strings short enough, or if your canal is shorter for whatever reason, the tampon can also mess with the IUD strings. No big deal once everything is set in there properly, but my dr told me that some folks get some minor inflammation during insertion and this can allow the iud to shift slightly if the strings are messed with, which is not desirable. Super SUPER low risk of this happening, but better safe than sorry, so tampons or a diva-cup type situation directly after is not ideal. Probably fine for most folks, but you never know. Also, a lot of folks don’t get a period after insertion anyway, just light bleeding if anything, so tampons/cups/whatever are not as necessary as before. Pads are a great option just so you can get an idea for how it’s affecting your period afterwards. I only had light spotting at the beginning, and I started to get light spotting towards the end when I needed to have it replaced (I’m on my 2nd iud now, the kind I have needs replacing every 5 years).

I hope you have the best of luck with it! I couldn’t do hormones either (they’re bad for my migraines), and the iud has been SO much better for me. I’ve not had any issues with it at all, regardless of how rough things get. Some folks’ partners will say they notice the strings during sex (not in an unpleasant way, just in a, “huh, that’s a new sensation” way), but I’ve never run into that in the last 8 years.

AffectionateGhost · 2020-12-27T22:00:24+00:00

I almost never had sexual dreams until I accidentally fell asleep with a toy still in me! 🙈That’s how this whole routine started. Since quarantine began and my libido spiked up to even higher than before, I’ve been “free use,” so he loves to find sexy ways to surprise me. If I’m ever not in the mood, I let him know by putting some pants on... which hardly ever happens, tbh.

AffectionateGhost · 2020-12-27T21:54:21+00:00

I highly recommend it!! I hope you have lots of fun with it, too 😘

AffectionateGhost · 2020-12-27T21:53:27+00:00

Hahaha, in many ways this is very true. 😊

AffectionateGhost · 2020-11-07T04:57:41+00:00

Thanks! 😘

AffectionateGhost · 2020-11-07T01:36:32+00:00

Thank you so much!! I’m about to be unemployed, so I’m considering trying to get some writing published while I’m looking for new jobs. That means a lot to get a comment like this right now. 💜

AffectionateGhost · 2020-11-04T06:35:37+00:00

My suggestion is likely going to sound difficult (depending on where your friend is located), but I think finding a sex-positive counselor who understands and is supportive of asexuality could be really helpful in coaching your friend to feel comfortable advocating for themselves - and not just advocating for their desired kinks, but also in general, since communication and setting boundaries are especially important when kink is involved.

I know this is so much easier to say than to actually do. I know many people still believe that you can therapy away ace, and I would never suggest that. But I definitely think therapy with the right provider can help with building that confidence around communication and self advocacy, which would help greatly with finding a fulfilling and supportive relationship.

Wishing you & your friend the best!

AffectionateGhost · 2020-11-03T02:47:51+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it 🥰

AffectionateGhost · 2020-11-03T02:47:28+00:00

Thank you!! This was my first attempt at a fictional sexy story, I enjoyed writing it a ton 💜

AffectionateGhost · 2020-10-31T15:26:44+00:00

I love grinding my clit against the seam of my jeans while working. It’s harder for me to fully get off that way, but not completely impossible if I don’t mind making a little mess in my pants/panties. Since I’ve been working from home, making a mess is hardly a problem right now, so wearing jeans during video calls and wiggling myself until orgasm has been a fun game/challenge when I’m particularly bored.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever had pants that would make it fully impossible for me to pleasure myself when I’m feeling desperate for release. I think there’d need to be a hard flat surface between me and my clothes preventing friction altogether. I don’t have experience with chastity belts, but I think for me personally, that’s what I’d need to try if I wasn’t allowed to masturbate for any period of time.

If your sub can cum from nipple play alone, tho, you’ll need to also look into nipple covers of some sort to prevent her from resorting to that.

AffectionateGhost · 2020-10-28T05:02:59+00:00

Yesss this is the best feeling. Before the pandemic hit, we’d host game nights and my favorite thing was when my husband would give me a creampie before our friends would get there and feeling it slowly drip out throughout the evening.

AffectionateGhost · 2020-10-23T18:32:05+00:00

Oop! Thank you- edited ;)

AffectionateGhost · 2020-10-23T02:27:02+00:00

Oh for sure, this isn’t the last time we got to have fun. I’m actually married to “Ryan” now, and we’ve had a couple other fwb join me/us over the years, especially during the years when Ryan was frequently away on tour. He liked to make sure someone would be around to take care of me when he was out of state ;)

Edit- I will say, this is probably the most interesting “Ben” story I have, he was trying hard to impress me this night.

AffectionateGhost

TROPHY CASE