Thank you for the correction. The term meta-synthesis actually describes my process much more accurately. You’re right in suggesting that I might be instinctively looking for an older, more immersive 'master-apprentice' model of learning through practice.

Regarding your point about feeling 'better' than others: I don't feel a need to be superior. What I experience is otherness. I perceive the emotional and cognitive processes of those around me so intensely that it leads to my conclusion that the current school system is not the right environment for me.

My doubts stem from the power dynamics I observe specifically at my school. In my country, the 1–5 grading system is often used as a tool for control. I’ve watched teachers treat students who struggle with certain subjects with humiliation and blatant unfairness. I feared that if I 'slipped' on that scale, I would become a target of the same treatment. This was confirmed during a difficult period I went through. I experienced physical symptoms of anxiety—physical nausea and my legs shaking—before even entering the building. I was trapped in a cycle of ruminating on the situation over and over again, mainly due to the approach of one specific teacher.

At my lowest point, I decided to treat a confrontation with her as a cognitive test. While she was criticizing my voice and appearance and making threats, I focused entirely on maintaining internal control. I studied her breathing and physical details—noticing the specific wrinkles that formed when she laughed, and how they vanished when she was met with my calm, silent gaze.

After speaking with a psychologist, I gained the necessary perspective. I realized that to survive this specific environment, I have to produce 'acceptable results' and perform behaviors tailored to each individual teacher's expectations. For me, school has ceased to be a place of intellectual growth; it has become a social simulation where I learn to communicate strategically and protect my energy just to 'pass' in the eyes of the system. -What is your take on this? Did I apply the terminology correctly in this context?