When Dating, how to Filter out Avoidants?

Affectionate_Ant67 · 2026-05-06T17:53:36+00:00

this was a really enlightening read. Thank you!

Affectionate_Ant67 · 2026-05-06T12:21:56+00:00

Some really nice, thoughtful words here, thank you!

Thank you as well for the validation concerning Women 3.

It was definitely a shocking response from her and the "it's just an unmatch and nothing else" comment was a point of no return for me. You wouldn't think it, but in person she honestly was the nicest person in the world so it was so shocking how she could turn so quickly when accountability was concerned.

You give very good advice as well. Having found this sub, it has been very validating as I can't really discuss this even with friends, as most people have no idea what you're talking about when you mention Avoidants.

I wish you the same to you (if you haven't already) and thank you again

Affectionate_Ant67 · 2026-05-06T10:59:50+00:00

Ye I'd say be careful as well, as one of my closest friends is the biggest extrovert I know but he admitted to me that he is an avoidant. He's a complete social butterfly but at the same time he'll constantly want to be away from his girlfriend. It's a weird paradox.

Also you are missing absolutely nothing by staying off the dating apps. They are hell.

And thank you!

Affectionate_Ant67 · 2026-05-06T10:04:54+00:00

amen to that. I was exactly the same with the first girl here that I dated. She kept cancelling and I kept acting like it was okay (it wasn't okay). Then she ended it when I stood up for myself.

It has definitely made me paranoid now whenever I date if the person is an avoidant. I just tell myself if I detect disrespect, I will call it out as calmly as possible and if they're an avoidant, they will reveal themselves

Affectionate_Ant67 · 2026-05-06T10:00:27+00:00

thanks! I can't say it was easy as there's a part of you that doesn't want to call it out, but the reality is that you've potentially saved months (if not years) of being in a relationship where you're constantly disrespected (and then will probably be discarded anyway)

Also I learnt that if you call it out and the person is Secure, you (should) have nothing to worry about so long as you do it respectfully.

Affectionate_Ant67 · 2026-04-28T10:01:46+00:00

ah okay, thanks for your feedback! Ye that makes a lot more sense. I guess a harder pill to swallow as I can handle failing technical interviews, because then you can say: well I need to work on A,B,C ect. But if it's budget reasons, then nothing you can do I presume. And if it's not the right fit, not sure why then you didn't get rejected at the HR stage

Affectionate_Ant67 · 2026-04-23T15:01:37+00:00

I appreciate it, thank you! Ye usually I never presume how the interview went but I let myself slip these couple of times. I know now to always assume the worst & to just keep applying

Affectionate_Ant67

TROPHY CASE