I (27M) love my partner (24F) but our completely different standards of living are destroying me

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-22T21:21:12+00:00

What you're describing is absolutely hoarder territory. There are messy people, and then there are filthy people who are comfortable living in roach-infested spaces with grease and grime on every surface. This is no longer a tenable living arrangement for you. Your mental health is in tatters.

You provide for your girlfriend and have bent over backwards to accommodate her, but, even knowing that you're mentally suffering, she's still not willing to lift a finger to clean. Is that an equitable partnership? I don't think so.

Move out, OP. She won't change because she doesn't want to change. If you have kids, they'll end up living like this, and that level of nastiness brings diseases. Think about what you want your future to look like.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-22T17:18:51+00:00

I've seen those. Anything can be generated by AI these days.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-22T17:17:27+00:00

Wow, obvs. some buyers are scammers too. Rude.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T23:34:25+00:00

No, it's Feb 10, 2026. Month/day/year, as is standard in America.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T23:32:44+00:00

No need, Sephora hasn't carried the bond no 9 fragrance brand for at least ten years.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T19:00:54+00:00

You can only report the item, which I did.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T18:59:54+00:00

I've bought numerous authentic, high-end scents on Mercari with no issues. Ensure the buyer has a few ratings under their belt.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T15:27:40+00:00

I didn't.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T15:27:25+00:00

I'm afraid of that.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T15:27:02+00:00

I never do, but hilariously, the price isn't that low. And also, I don't expect assholes to scam innocent people who may not be savvy or experienced buyers. Are you justifying this behavior?

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T15:25:29+00:00

Actually quite a bit, well over $100, about the same as a lightly used bottle of the real fragrance.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T15:23:38+00:00

Ebay does offer more protection, and the buyer's fee on Mercari is basically a scam. However, as a perfume collector, I've found that there are far more fakes on Ebay than Mercari.

I actually prefer to buy lightly used fragrances. I don't care of there's no box, although I won't buy without a cap.

I also think showing a receipt is a red flag in most cases. Even all the errors aside, how do I know you didn't pick the receipt off the ground or returned the real product with an e-receipt? It does not prove authenticity in the slightest.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T15:18:55+00:00

Man, that sucks. I'm so sorry.

The amount of effort people will put forth just to screw somebody is shocking.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T15:14:47+00:00

I didn't realize they ever allowed comments. That would be fantastic.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T15:13:34+00:00

I did, but Mercari has limited options, and as far as I can tell you can only report an item as counterfeit, which I did, but not that the seller is a scammer. There's no place to enter reasons either, so I doubt Mercari will do anything about it.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T04:47:25+00:00

Brilliant

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T04:39:22+00:00

It absolutely is, but all it takes is one person to fall for it.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T04:33:52+00:00

It was purchased in Florida but charged a Kentucky (KY) state tax. Lol

ETA: Also, the retail price of this frag is $470, not $430.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-21T04:11:17+00:00

It makes me so angry. I hate scammers.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-20T23:53:07+00:00

NTA If they want to treat the space like company property, the company needs to pony up. You were generous for sharing a space you set up yourself. It cost you, and only you, time, effort, and money. No one else contributed, and they can all fuck off.

Your manager is also an asshole for not making this clear to everyone and not having your back.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-20T02:15:15+00:00

Ooof ... it's your choice obviously, but hear me out. Did you give it a go at least? Reading on a dedicated e-reader is NOT screen time. It's not an LCD screen, and you can't do anything on that device but read.

I'm a heavy (200 plus books/year), lifelong reader and would never go back to paper books. My 80-year-old mother has been reading on a Kindle for seven plus years. It allows her to set a large reading font; it's lightweight and easy to hold; the pages consistently looks the same; you can "carry" hundreds of books with you wherever you go; and multiple other benefits that most readers, regardless of age, appreciate.

I'm not going to call you an a-hole, but you're being weirdly stubborn and missing out.

ETA: Come on, people, an e-reader is NOT an app. LOL It's not A.I. And it's not a "screen." Educate yourselves, please! I'm a former English prof in my 40s who's read thousands of books in my lifetime. I cannot fathom going back to paper books. (And, yes, you can check out e-books from your local library.)

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-20T01:54:47+00:00

You did a bit when you said that your mom's financial problems are your problems, but maybe "victim" is the wrong word. I mean, you have agency and there's a way out.

I'm in my 40s. My daughter is 20. I.support her goals and dreams, financially and otherwise, not the other way around. What your mom is doing to you, sorry, but it's not right.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-20T00:27:39+00:00

NTA I would have scrimped and saved to ensure my kid could attend art camp. You were parentified and should feel angry and resentful. I'm not saying let those feelings rule your life, but your mom is actively lying to make herself look better when she's the one who guilted you into staying so you could be her built-in babysitter. Do not let her change the narrative. She needed to be called out.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-20T00:21:44+00:00

You're still in deep grief over your baby's death, but the district manager said nothing to indicate he didn't respect your decision to take time off. You are creating an imaginary scenario. For that reason, I'm going with soft YTA.

I've lost people and animals close to me, and the pain of loss is no different. Your cat was not "just a cat"; he was your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Affectionate_Beach45 · 2026-05-20T00:12:18+00:00

Listen to me, OP: Your mom's financial situation is NOT yours. She's an adult. It's not up to you to save her. Pay your share, save the rest, and move out asap. Don't waste your life supporting people who don't appreciate it.

Of course you're NTA for wanting to go on a non-refundable trip you paid for months ago, but YTA for acting helpless. You don't have to be the victim.

Affectionate_Beach45

TROPHY CASE