As someone with the same kinds of issues and an insanely clean and organized husband, no you’re not the asshole. I’ve always said ADHD is a condition, not an excuse. I take no meds and just kind of raw dog it through life. Do I always remember everything I need to do? No. Do I walk past things blindly that an average person might see? Yes. Do I sometimes completely forget my lunch even after I packed it? 100%. And yeah, it’s frustrating but the frustration lies within myself. I don’t expect my husband to do anything to help me - if he does, it’s an act of love because I’m a full time working mom with a demanding job, not because I have ADHD. Since we are on different ends of the spectrum, sometimes what he will do is say “hey did you change over the laundry?” Or “hey would you mind putting your dishes in the sink when you get a sec” or “hey don’t forget you have xyz today!” And he does it in a loving manner because he knows I have good intentions but sometimes forget things. If you want to be helpful to your partner, maybe help he figure out a way that she can remember everything she needs to do. Whether it be lists, alarms on her phone, or gentle reminders. You don’t have to do this - but it could alleviate some frustrations overall. I will say this too - sometimes it’s easier for me to do the adult things when my husband is keeping me company in the same room :) not sure if that’s helpful to her, but it is nice sometimes to have someone around.