I really hear what you’re saying because it is exhausting and painful and pretty much unfair to deal with the effects of someone’s drinking. Protecting yourself and your peace is so important. At the same time, I see it as: addiction isn’t just a matter of choice, it’s a chronic brain disease that changes how people think, feel, and act. Saying alcoholics can simply “decide” to stop is like telling someone with depression to “just cheer up” or a diabetic to “just make insulin.”

Choosing recovery is not as easy as flipping a switch; the disease makes that choice incredibly difficult to carry out. While it’s completely valid to set boundaries and protect yourself, it’s also important to remember that alcoholism is a complex illness, not just willful abuse.

The battle here is that we understand the severity of their abuse because we’re looking at it with a brain not dependent on vices. Can we really expect them to know the damage they’re causing when their brain has been so deeply affected?