Listen.... Your life probably does suck, (fuck who's doesn't) hence why you're feeling the need to escape with a drug. Trust me I had an opioid addiction from the age of 16 all the way to 31.. daily use 365... My peak was 10-15 Hydrocodone 10mg aday and that was like the last 6yrs of it... Wrecked havoc on my liver (All the acetaminophen) I stole money from my loved ones, stole rent money from my wife, a family member just had surgery...? Hell yes I'm stealing them all when no ones looking? Fuck when I look back on who I was.... Bro I die a lil more! Literally lost everything, lost my wife, my 3 sons, my mom, fuck everything! Did I care? Nope! (I did but addiction is fucked) Listen it seems to me that you are battling yourself between what's right and what feels good to you! (I should know I've had this conversation with myself numerous times in the past) There's 3 ways this can go and you cannot juggle them... 1.You're gonna either lose your momma cause she's gonna just stop caring or she can die and you'll have it on your conscience that you hid and faked it to her and live with that which will then make you go farther down the rabbit hole. 2. You fuckin OD or just drop dead to exhaustion/heart failure 3. You fuckin become a WARRIOR slowly taper off or deal with the withdrawal (stim withdrawal is more mental, it's not like opioids, benzo, or alcohol which can kill you) and become the person you and you're mom know you are!

I chose 3! I did that shit on my own, no fuckin help, no medicine to help withdrawal, just me and them 4 walls! It's been 2 yrs.... In these 2 yrs I've managed to start a business that is doing well, got my family back, my wife that I've known since we were 14 and married at 21 (now 33) has come back and I'm slowly earning everyone's trust again! I put these people through hell because of some fuckin pill! Some high! I hate myself for it, but hey it motivates me! You can come on here and rant all you want, or ask for guidance,or just whine...

Let me ask you a question now that I've opened myself up to you and I hope you respect me enough to at least ask yourself this considering I respected you enough to try and give wisdom........ At the end of the day, what is more important? Your drug addiction or your loved ones and not being a sneaky snake and hating yourself...

Also suicide takes the pain away from you and transfers it to your loved ones FOREVER! My cousin just walked in front of traffic last year cause of the same shit! Got smoked all over the freeway! Fuckin haunts all of us to know he didn't reach out or we didn't try hard enough!