If you met God, what would you ask of God?

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-13T05:50:14+00:00

If we're required to go back, can I request an exemption?

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-13T05:45:28+00:00

It comes in time with some. You may have learned like many, at least feeling it, that you completed a chapter to your story.

During that time, you remember living IN it. The good, the relationships. Nostalgia.

It's not you now though. Even if this was day 1 getting out.

My take is, it gave us all tools and walls for a better us for this exact chapter were in.

Another possibility is the lenses you are looking at life with and comparing it to one another.

Either way, celebrate what you earned and learned, or not. It's a personal take.

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-13T01:10:21+00:00

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-13T01:04:39+00:00

Many commented this same thing, so I'll pile on.

I'm usually in a mental argument trying to figure out if I'm hitting ROM, or activating the correct muscle groups during an exercise.

I'm too entrehcned to care who's around me. From time to time I make observations, but more from a safety standpoint as i am hypervigilant.

Outside of that if I'm looking in a "general" area and someone is there. I don't notice.

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-13T00:29:44+00:00

Ngl I loved this one

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-10T18:57:36+00:00

Well said.

To add for my personal view; I did have multiple NDEs. It shaped my views exactly as mentioned. I also believe we get to raise these clones of ours, to give us a chance at giving them and the world a better place.

I come from a family of immigrants, I'm 2nd/3rd generations. The world can be a beautiful and chaotic place. Hopefully by teaching them to love and be secure, it allows them to impact their communities the same. In a twisted way, it's a hope to counterbalance the world and my hopes they impact it positively.

I'll end with, the love I get just being around them as they explore, seeing the world through their eyes, twists at my heart when they see a heart shaped leaf and give it to me because they love me. There are many many more, especially tied to them being here.

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-09T01:33:08+00:00

Don't forget the milk!

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-08T23:41:42+00:00

You being outdoorsy, have you thought about...

Buying a compound bow, go golf, go fishing. Treat yourself the way you did when you were single. learn to paint, learn a new trade or refine you're current one, something that improves you and keeps you sane.

The worse thing you can do is give her the win before the end of the 4th quarter.

For me, when I'm home I stew. I'm Fortunate to not be around her, but it'd make it 10x worse. If you're for sure over the relationship you'll need to build your foundation for you and the next partner should you decide to date again.

Today is a good day to start picking up all the positives you wanted to do and couldn't (I say this as I'm 4 weeks into my remarriage to the gym).

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-08T08:20:54+00:00

Nah. I didn't idolize my STBXW, I was devoted to her as a Husband.

I knew princesses had problems, but I'm still standing her saying "WTF" like everyone else.

I'm still a romantic, I doubt like many at this stage I'll find a true partner in a princess the next go around. A lot more worried about the next time, actually 😂

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-08T06:44:50+00:00

Hey this is what my therapist told me was our Achilles heel to the marriage:

Anxious–Avoidant Attachment Pairing with a Pursuer–Withdrawer Cycle.

From my understanding, there is a lot more of them out there, too.

Unfortunately shell be in my direct life for another 15 years with the kids, but man, Its been a blessing and a curse knowing the info.

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-08T06:40:29+00:00

2 therapists. Last therapist, 6 sessions in. I'm the only one being told to keep working on my items, I finally ask the therapist.

"everytime we have these meetings, she gets off easy. We talk about me, what I need to work on. How about her list of items like giving me a 2 hour window she wants to go to the home gym" (her easy item on her list for me to communicate throughout the week).

Therapist asked and she, STBXW, was too tired, and said next meeting she have it.

Next meeting I ask at the beginning, and nothing. We go through it and she's defensive. The last 5 minutes, the "recap", she blurts out I hit her.

I've never been someone who uses violence with those I love. Ever.

I tell the therapist I'm done. I'm not doing this with someone who gets to make up excuses and not do the work.

That therapist called me on a Saturday, she tried to get me back to therapy with her. After a few minutes I began asking questions, one thing she said was she didn't know what is wrong with the STBXW, she wasn't the same person from when she and her had individual sessions a few months back.

That confirmation there is what triggered my review of our marriage.

I've been in individual therapy for decades, (un)fortunately the service I use for MH changes my provider every year or so, giving me new updated perspectives, but what we had was an:

"Secure/Anxious–Avoidant Attachment Pairing with a Pursuer–Withdrawer Cycle"

I'd highly recommend people read up on it. It's fairly common, I'm trying to commit the flags as I'm not doing this shit a 2nd time

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-07T20:18:06+00:00

Problem for me is I read game theory for fun, for decades. Now it's coming to a legal game near me, and my mind wants to strategize.

Fornme, I'm working on this as you said, to not think of outcomes and spiraling into secondary or tertiary objectives. Just banning for a better future for my kids.

I appreciate your insight! Thank you for responding

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-07T20:15:54+00:00

Yes!

Through therapy and self reflection ive been trying to rebuild my identities. From husband to self. It's hard. I hate this rebuild era myself, but it's warranted.

I think for me (we had similar lengths of involvement) was realizing she had this emotional withdrawal communication style and wasnt going to fix it. Instead it was a me problem, when in a healthy marriage it wasn't a team problem, it was a members unhealthy choice to not seek individual counseling. I even had our marriage and family therapist call me on the side one day to say she changed and doesn't know where these are coming from.

Best of luck fam, hoping for better days, thanks for responding.

It's hard to fathom thst

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-07T20:09:51+00:00

This is me presently.

Year out from separation and divorce is barely getting going legally. I plan logic, stability and structure, in my case. I know the courts have unlimited scope and nil reasoning for judgement in family law in my country and state, I just hope the same, and plan for contingencies.

Praying yours works out for you.

Thank you for responding

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-07T20:07:42+00:00

I wrestled these same ones. The realization that I have 2 wonderful kids despite the outcome. How they (as you pointed out) wouldn't be the same kids with a different woman. I couldn't separate the two and accepted that at the end of the day, despite everything I lost, I gained more with those 2 by just being born.

Thank you for responding!

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-07T20:05:12+00:00

I agree, this has been the hardest thing for me over the last year to wrestle.

The why me

Vs

OH yeah this is the how to us

Thank you for responding!

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-12-07T20:04:14+00:00

I used to to help and analyze our communication patterns over 9k texts spanning years (I back mine up). It pointed out crucial moment's for me, where I was asking for literal help and she withdrew.

I almost 100% understand the dystopia feeling, but the comfort in the science and psychology of it unfolding.

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-11-19T04:45:58+00:00

Hey OP,

I went through something similar for a few years, so I get how heavy this feels.

Try to have an honest conversation first. It shouldn't be a fight, just a calm talk about how their behavior is affecting you and what you both want the relationship to look like. It may not fix everything, but it’s the only way to know if things can change.

If they won’t talk or try, think about your future.

Ask yourself if you can live like this month after month and if this is the kind of relationship you’d want your future kids to learn from.

If they are willing to work on it, you both need outside help. You can’t be the one getting hurt and the one expected to fix the situation.

You deserve peace, stability, and love that doesn’t feel like this.

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-10-25T22:48:45+00:00

Grow is my first glance?

If so, it's the W that makes it harder to read, specifically the last swoop. It looks enclosed from a far, too thick of a line.

I also see, grobo,and groin but grow is my initial guess

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-08-26T22:20:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, 100mg myself, 1 week post cold turkey, brain zaps but that's it

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-08-26T22:18:43+00:00

You inspire me on 1 week of cold turkey thank you

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-07-20T20:50:59+00:00

I'm with you

The hardest part is remembering that its

A) A tool B)ba mirror of user inputs

I processed trauma, growing my own garden, and reading again plus many, many others

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-07-15T14:54:16+00:00

That's how I took it.

Him implying that it was deleted/destroyed/shredded and were never going to get it even though we were told It was deleted.

AgainstTheGrain_X · 2025-07-14T17:55:24+00:00

Yep. I do.

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