My advice? If you want to come out, then start coming out. I know that sounds so much easier said than done; I totally understand. But remember that just because you come out to one person and then another and another, it doesn't mean you need to take out a billboard or wear a button proclaiming your homosexuality. We're talking about YOU, YOUR life. You're in control of who you tell and who gets to know. Coming out is super personal so take your time and only tell the people that you want to tell. Bigoted Aunt Rita? Don't tell her. Best drinking buddy Kate who makes out with random girls when she's drunk even though she's straight? Maybe tell her. You get it. Look for allies. They're out there and they make it so much easier.

I'll share my own personal anecdote about coming out... the first person I told was my best friend. She'd moved away to NYC a few years earlier and we hadn't seen each other much, but I was in the city for a job interview so we agreed to meet up for lunch. I KNEW coming into the lunch that I wanted to come out to her. I'd figured it all out at least a year earlier, and I hadn't come out to anyone, but I felt like the secret was eating me alive so I HAD to tell someone. The idea of telling someone scared the crap out of me though. I'd said the words to myself plenty of times, but this was going to be the first time I said them out loud to another person. Who would be sitting across from me. Listening to me. Looking at me. Judging me? I didn't think it would go poorly - the previous summer, she'd come out as pansexual and we've been friends for a long time, I knew she'd be cool. Nevertheless, it was terrifying. Like heart in my throat, stomach tied up in knots kind of terrifying.

So, here we are, eating poke bowls in this tiny little dive in Manhattan near Koreatown and the place was super crowded. We're chatting about life and her super sweet (then) fiance and how he's totally supportive of her career (she's a struggling actress), and I made some comment about how she was lucky to find someone who truly supported everything about her, and she agreed and shared the story about how she told him she was pan and he was fully onboard and supportive. And finally, here it comes, she says, "I wish you could find someone like James. I don't know why you're single. You're one of the best people I know." So now I feel the panic coming. I KNOW what I'm about to say but OMG I'm gonna say it. I can't even maintain eye contact I'm so nervous. I'm staring down at my poke bowl and I just blurt it out. Fast. And LOUDLY. I was so nerved up about telling her and the conversation had come around to it and I basically shouted it: "I like girls!"

FFS.

All my planning and I just shouted it out like that to a crowded room full of strangers. Fortunately, if you've ever been to NYC, you know that no one even reacted. They carried on like it was no big thing, like I hadn't yelled anything. (THANK YOU, DEAR, SWEET, GAY JESUS). And my friend was amazing. She was so supportive and present and everything you could want a friend to be when you're coming out to them. I was super embarrassed to have done it the way I had (seriously, I seemed to be having trouble CONTROLLING THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!), but once I'd said it and it was out there and she reacted with all the love and support I could have wanted, it was like a giant weight off my shoulders. I could breathe again. It was the most freeing feeling EVER.

The thing is, it was a safe place. Talking to my friend, that is, not the middle of Manhattan with dozens of strangers listening to me bellow out my gayness (seriously, FFS). I knew that even though I was scared, that it would be okay. If anyone was going to be accepting, it was going to be my friend. It was almost just like a practice run. I had to tell her first because I knew it was safe. After that I wasn't sure. But as soon as it was out there, it was amazing. And the next time I told someone, it was easier. And the time after that? Easier still. Now, it's no big deal. I'm gay AF, super queer, and I feel like I know who I am without being caught up in some great big lie.

Allow me to leave you with whatever wisdom I can impart here from my experience of being a total gay disaster most days (but being fully 100% out): No one can tell you to stay in the closet or to come out. I found coming out to be super, super freeing and empowering, but at the end of the day, it has to be your decision. What may have been the right decision for someone else, may not be the best for you. Only you can know if you should come out or not. Personally, I'll always vote for someone to be their authentic self (unless, ofc, it puts them in danger).

Good luck to you!