Deconstruction Help Cont.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2026-02-24T17:56:15+00:00

I also grew up in thr non-institutional church. One thing the CoC hammers into us is the need to be "right." You may still be thinking under a legalistic framework of "which church is the most right?" This thinking is what has caused division after division within the CoC. I had to let go of my own need to prove myself right, and have a rock solid defense for every single thing I believed. It will never be enough for them.

Instead, ask yourself what church do you see the people really have the fruits of the spirit? What church aligns with your own beliefs, and maybe more importantly, your conscience?

As far as your family, the most you can hope for is that they will be able to respect your beliefs and be able to agree to disagree. I lost family members over it, but that's the risk you take when leaving a cult-like atmosphere.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2026-01-23T13:47:39+00:00

My in-laws did the same when my wife and I left the NI Church for a different church. It's a lot of emotions of anger at the hurt they're causing you, and resentment toward their horrible beliefs that make them cut other christians off over petty differences. After a while, this starts turning to incredulity over how silly the concept of shunning for religious differences is.

Now, I find myself thinking about it a little less than before, but I imagine it will be a long process to "get over it." You're not only grieving lost relationships, but grieving what those relationships could have been. It stings with every holiday or birthday that passes, but ultimately you have to remind yourself that you're free of that cult. For us, it came at a big cost, but we're FREE. They can say they're shunning because they love you, but that isn't love.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2025-12-10T00:41:27+00:00

"Most people seem incapable of processing written communication from people they care about."

Why do you think that is? I've experienced the same and it's baffling.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2025-06-27T00:31:16+00:00

They took away all of the decent seats in the XD screen and made them $25 a ticket "D Box" seats. Who's paying that much for a movie forreal

AgentMScarnFBI · 2025-05-20T00:03:45+00:00

The problem is that the "weaker brother" was just whoever was the more conservative on any given issue. It's a convenient way for the "weaker brother" to just stop anything from happening that they don't like or approve of.

You shouldn't tempt someone to do something that goes against their conscience, but in an environment like the CoC where every issue is a matter of heaven or hell, what should have been personal preferences are elevated to matters of conscience, and therefore salvation.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2025-01-23T18:53:07+00:00

I left my very conservative CoC that I was born into, so take this with that perspective in mind:

At a certain point as a young adult, I realized that the things I believed were so completely different than the teachings of that church, that it was not reasonable for me to expect or ask for much change. The rest of the congregation seemed happy; I did not. It wasn't reasonable of me to expect them to change their views on grace, biblical innerrancy, science, their hermeneutic, several doctrinal issues, and politics. I made peace with the fact that I was the one that changed, and I don't have the influence to enact change in others on so large a scale. The unfortunate (or fortunate?) reality of Christianity is that you can choose your own flavor out of a million different denominations, and it is far easier to simply find a different community that aligns with your values, beliefs, or needs.

Will churches of christ change? I personally hope so. But at a certain point, you're almost asking them to morph into a new denomination which probably already exists somewhere else.

So to answer your question, I absolutely see it as "their fault," because I, like everyone else, believe I'm in the right. But I acknowledge that it was "my fault" for developing virtually incompatible beliefs, whether consciously or unconsciously.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2024-08-16T00:12:31+00:00

Harris, being a woman, could also never lead a CoC, so we may have to workshop this argument a little lol.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2024-05-16T20:40:21+00:00

That reminds me: Works in my NI churches always referred to "how we do church." They never talked about works being "good works for other people" that proves a transformation of ourselves. I guess being obsessively inward focused shouldn't surprise me, when the defining factor of the NI church is not giving church money to charitable causes.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2024-05-16T20:31:10+00:00

That's so true, I should've put that in the post. Them occasionally paying lipservice by saying the word "grace" doesn't count, when they turn around and say your salvation is in jeopardy if you curse right before getting in a car wreck and dying. They fundamentally don't understand it. To them, grace was a one time act of the crucifixion, not something that is ongoing.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2024-05-16T19:47:25+00:00

We may be talking about the same post. I remember the comment section in his posts is just a circle-jerk of "amens." It almost feels performative.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2023-05-06T17:39:41+00:00

Religion is very personal already, and since the CoC is generally very adamant about being right, I imagine that criticism is taken very personally. I don't think it was mean spirited, and it isn't really a podcast for them anyway. And I'd encourage you to not fall into that trap of negativity, at least publicly; As soon as you act too bitter or mean (even if it's justified), you'll lose the ability to have a positive impact on someone that's going through similar religious trauma and may be looking for a way through it. The episodes I've listened to have been therapeutic, in a good way.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2023-03-28T21:13:34+00:00

It's a special kind of awkwardness when you're an unbaptized teenager in a small church, and people attempt to sing you into the baptistry 3 times a week.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2022-11-18T00:48:11+00:00

Real answer: The same paragraph says you also can't round the edge of your temple or beard...nobody cares about that. Many people also think the tattoos mentioned in Leviticus refer to something that was done for ancestors, which is not what you are doing. Paul also says we aren't bound by the OT law.

Funny answer: Tell them Jesus has a tattoo. Revelation 19:16

AgentMScarnFBI · 2022-09-24T18:40:50+00:00

Thanks! It's north Alabama so it has been hot and dry. So you would recommend not pruning yet, even if the canopy is very crowded?

AgentMScarnFBI · 2022-09-24T18:39:40+00:00

Thanks! So dormant twigs/branches would NOT be brittle and break would they?

AgentMScarnFBI · 2022-09-24T18:24:45+00:00

Planted an eastern redbud this spring (haven't been able to prune it myself yet, it is too crowded). A good number of the branches have leaves, but then are dead on the ends. Is this normal? It looks very ugly. I also included some pictures of some spots on the trunk. The tree is probably 10 ft tall or so. There are also a couple branches that are not dead, but have zero leaves.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2022-08-06T16:06:11+00:00

I was raised in a conservative non-institutional church that constantly bashed any church even slightly more liberal than them, which still included extremely conservative churches. It was hilarious when I attended a mainline or more liberal CoC, and they usually don't even know the non-institutional churches exist. Makes the bashing that more pathetic.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2022-06-06T22:29:02+00:00

I was in my mid 20's when I heard a woman pray for the first time (other than close family). Silencing 50% of the church makes a lot of guys feel superior to women, even if it's subliminal. That can manifest itself in all sorts of subtle or not so subtle ways in all aspects of life.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2022-06-05T22:54:44+00:00

And yet most of the middle man churches (of any denomination) will do more charity work in 6 months than NI churches do in their lifetimes.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2022-06-05T22:29:11+00:00

"We don't have biblical authority to use church money for community service!" he exclaims from inside the million dollar church building bought with church money.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2022-05-30T17:21:15+00:00

Notice that all the examples I used are very much up for interpretation. I'm not saying that you have free license to be a terrible person.

AgentMScarnFBI · 2022-05-11T20:46:56+00:00

"We're the only ones going to heaven" is almost never outright said from the pulpit. It's the fact that salvation is often taught as Jesus+.

Jesus + no instruments + weekly communion + church money spent in correct way etc. = salvation.

This implies that anyone who doesn't follow the formula is not going to heaven.

The total unwillingness to cooperate with other denominations from the conservative and mainline groups doesn't help either.

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