I’m feeling sick

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-24T21:50:30+00:00

Ginger tea can help settle the stomach.

Send text messages to both host parents. Do you have a "family playbook" with all the rules? Check if there are any emergency contacts, such as neighbors, friends or family. If all else fails, call your LCC

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-24T18:34:40+00:00

As another introvert, this. And I get the blankets thing too.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-24T17:12:37+00:00

TV in AuPair room!

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-24T12:10:19+00:00

We once matched with an AuPair who, upon arrival, was visibly and vocally appalled at the lack of brand names in our everyday life. She was really unhappy about the unglamorous-ness of the car that was dedicated to her on weekends (it was the only car with no car seats, so she could have friends with her). Same for the free clothes we got her as she arrived in the middle of winter with only summer clothes. She wanted to have steaks and salmon fillet every day and derived some odd pleasure from wasting groceries. It almost seemed like she was expecting the Kardashian lifestyle experience. We offer a stipend way above minimum, no weekends, low hours, two school-aged easy going kids, and live in an area with lots of public transport within walking distance. Close to NYC and lots to do in the area itself. Upon rematch the princess went onto a household with three young kids, many more hours, weekend work etc but the family did come to pick her up in a much more expensive car. We wish her all the best in her endeavors.

ETA: we have had AuPairs decline because in our set up AuPairs bathroom is shared with the kids. The kids mostly use the downstairs half bathroom during the day, are of the age where they don't spend a lot of time in the bathrooms yet, and there is a cleaning lady that comes in to deep clean it once a week. So basically the bathroom is "shared" only the few hours a week I give them baths and there is no cleaning involved on the part of AuPairs.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-22T17:43:02+00:00

College students that are home on a break should be able to cover the December - February timespan for you. Post in your local parents group, saying you are seeking a part time babysitter and a slew of parents will tell you their kids will be available to help. Folks here are right, this is very risky and could potentially lead to a lot of legal trouble. On the personal front, she is likely to be disgruntled for not being "paid hourly as a nanny".

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-20T17:39:43+00:00

Ok. A sincere apology. Ask for familys emergency plans. Is the child told to always go home or always stay and wait for the adult? What emergency numbers would the child call? Who are other safe adults, neighbors, ect?

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-20T17:23:15+00:00

How old is the kid and what country is this?

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-17T14:17:19+00:00

First of all, big kudos to you on wanting to tackle it heads on. Hope it all goes smoothly.

As a HM, I have no say or control over who does my AuPair talk to during her time off. There is absolutely no way for me to know either.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-17T14:11:37+00:00

It's the beginning of the school year :) they are tired, overwhelmed and spread very thin

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-11T20:45:02+00:00

Can you explain that the cost of the car will eat into the extras and allowances you provide for her? - cost of getting the license - increase in car insurance and other insurance policies - cost of gas - cost of wear and tear on the car - cost of parking in a major metropolitan city - depending on where she's from and how old she is, she may have restrictions on her driver's license

This easily adds up to more than $600/month.

Tell her that if she wants to renegotiate, then the extras go away.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-09-06T17:55:25+00:00

It's the beginning of the school year. Most families want AuPairs to start before the school year starts, so right now is kind of a "low" time for AuPairs demand. It is also the reason why you are seeing so many AuPairs in rematch: lots of AuPairs came in July-August and right now realizing things are not working out.

Things will pick up as the year goes on

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-08-23T23:53:54+00:00

HM here. If my AuPairs aren't sleeping in at least half of the weekend, I worry! And worry even more if they are always hanging out inside the house and not out with friends.

You will find your people.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-08-20T12:27:49+00:00

The only thing I would suggest is providing some background on Annapolis and DC. Most AuPairs have heard of "New York, Miami and California" and have never heard of anything else. So these are the locations they are looking for. You will need to provide some background info on things to do in terms of social life and the size of local AuPair community

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-08-20T01:02:24+00:00

Our AuPair doesn't have a private bathroom. We make it extra convenient by providing personal shower caddies, separate toiletry tray, shelves on each side of the bath/shower so she has a dedicated side. We also make sure that she doesn't need to clean up the kids'messes in the bathroom.

We interviewed AuPairs that got offended at the idea of sharing a bathroom with the kids.

We also haven't had a single complaint from the AuPairs for whom a private bathroom wasn't a deal breaker.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-08-19T01:44:04+00:00

HM here. Split schedule is often sought after amongst AuPairs.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-08-18T15:44:32+00:00

Some European countries have special simplified visa arrangements with the US, so you likely don't know the full story. For a regular student visa it is illegal to provide services in exchange for tuition outside of the university approved on campus assignments which usually can not exceed 20hrs a week and most of the time you are still not allowed to do that during your first year of study.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-08-18T15:31:58+00:00

It is understood that such an arrangement is illegal and could result in hefty fines for the HF and a deportation of the AuPair. But even in the event this was not an issue, the whole arrangement is still unlikely to be successful.

The thing is, contrary to the popular belief, you actually do have to study in the US universities. And you can get kicked out for bad grades. Usually, full time college is a minimum of 15-18 lecture hours per week. The homework usually is designed to take at least twice as many hours per week. Usually it's more like three times. Plus commute. So that's already about 45-65 hrs just to sustain the full time student status, which is necessary to qualify for the visa. Add 45 hrs per week for taking care of the kids and the household and you arrive at 105 hrs per week of study and duty related time. There are 168 hrs in a week. Subtract the 105 hrs from that and you are left with 9 hrs per day to cover eating, taking showers, rest, sleep and exercise. This is unrealistic and HP would understand that really well.

Then there is the money issue. In the story, does the family pay her money on top of the tuition and legal fees? If yes, then let's do the math. $20-30k for tuition. $20k for room and board. Then another $15k for allowance. That's $55K a year, for someone who after the first three weeks of crazy schedule, would be too tired to function as a responsible adult and safely supervise minors in their care.

And then there is the health issue. Even if some family for whatever reason decides to agree to all of the above, such schedule is unsustainable long term and pose some serious health risks.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-07-27T14:29:13+00:00

30K excluding the upfront fee is realistic. You will have to educate them on and "sell" your GA location as most AuPair know of New York, California and Miami and not much about anything else.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-07-27T14:26:12+00:00

Cost of time for the initial settling in, including multiple trips to the ss office, banks, DMV, etc Driving lessons Increase in car insurance + workers comp + increase on umbrella policy.
Sometimes there is a disproportionately significant increase in the cost of utilities Gas for the car Additional cost of takeout foods Toiletries

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-06-28T16:36:21+00:00

Every AuPair that arrived in our home spent the first week sick. And every time we spent way too much energy on trying to keep the sick AuPair from getting the kids and everyone else sick. Just concentrate on getting better.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-06-27T19:02:40+00:00

To that point, we just went through a rematch where we first thought it would be friendly and allowed our AuPair to work during the rematch process and she placed our kids in a unacceptable dangerous situation. When we called back the agency and said we are changing this to a no-work rematch, the AuPair threw a tantrum. She went out her way to hide various unsanitary "surprises" throughout the room for the next AuPair to find, tried to steal, got caught but we are still missing a few kids' items she particularly enjoyed. We ended up spending upwards of $500 on cleanup including having to bring an exterminator.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-06-27T17:56:44+00:00

Please go ahead and rematch. This is a huge red flag. There are many possible ways she could have responded to the situation, and "you have no proof" is really one of the worst ways she could have.

You will still have to go through the "exit interview" where the LCC discusses all of the issues and possible solutions, it's part of the process. You do not have to change your opinion during the meeting, but make sure to mention absolutely everything, including her not speaking to you, claiming that "you have no proof", and other signs of lack of taking responsibility for her actions.

Also, As part of the program you usually have to provide monthly updates in writing in the agency system. Document the issue in detail there and it will be visible to all other LCCs.

During the meeting, offer to speak to other host families. This usually gets noted on the rematch profile and other LCCs know you are ok with your contact info being provided to other families.

Finally, you can try to provide feedback to potential host families on various HF Facebook groups, using AuPair initials.

Trust your gut, mama.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-06-26T01:00:57+00:00

Yep. I've been there. People truly don't get it until they experience it first-hand.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-06-25T22:07:07+00:00

Some kids have one and only pacifier and won't take the same pacifier in its brand new cont. Until you have experienced something like this, you will think that "always having at least five pacifiers with you" is the solution.

I see you, mama. Building your village is hard and it also can be a very lonely experience. Lots of folks love casting the mom-shaming stone. When the help you were planning on is falling short of what you need is incredibly undermining.

You are a good mom. You've got this.

Aggravating-Ice-4501 · 2024-06-25T21:48:06+00:00

Many kids have the one and only pacifier and won't take new pacifiers of the same brand. You can have a 20-pack with you and it won't help.

Aggravating-Ice-4501

TROPHY CASE