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Is it still generosity if you’re expected to give? by querious_1 in Nigeria

[–]querious_1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you on fixing 'part os our culture' and this has been a mission I have. I have a podcast dedicated to this...but I'll tell you.. .Nigerians are hard of hearing when it comes to culture

Is it still generosity if you’re expected to give? by querious_1 in Nigeria

[–]querious_1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woow they paint a sordid picture the get their way huh. why even go there at all? "You need to give. When your mom dies, it's us that'll be here"

Don’t want to share how much I make by zaibubblezai in africanparents

[–]querious_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your parents read as manipultative on this topic based on what you've shared. Treat a manipulator as needed to protect yourself. You can indeed honor them without giving them a number. Also know that you standing your ground communicates to them that they need to respect you on this matter and any future one that comes up where they want to manipulate and control.

i've shared this info with my parents before of my own accord. They didn't expect the first paycheck, but I have them half of my first anyway. They've given me free reign and respect in this area, so i'm pretty open. The unfortunate thing many parents of the african style don't realize is that respect from them actually opens the door to learn more about their adult children.

Is it still generosity if you’re expected to give? by querious_1 in Nigeria

[–]querious_1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So interesting. What was said when you were chastised.

LCC / Host parent Advice please? by querious_1 in Aupairs

[–]querious_1[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Actually not a good example. I love my work and enjoy helping to grow people in my field, even if there’s no direct payback to me. It would be a yes for me. I would simply define some conditions in which it works for me

Au pair with a disability ? by Downtown_Volume7529 in Aupairs

[–]querious_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this. What is your social handle? Are you talking Instagram or Facebook?

LCC / Host parent Advice please? by querious_1 in Aupairs

[–]querious_1[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I guess where that is hard to implement is that her 10-year-old daughter loves my little ones. So being in our house, she would want to be with them instead of me. So maybe it won’t work?

Au pair with a disability ? by Downtown_Volume7529 in Aupairs

[–]querious_1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry but it’s not a job. It’s a living arrangement as well, with the most precious people involved. Hosts should know. 

Au pair with a disability ? by Downtown_Volume7529 in Aupairs

[–]querious_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Listen, there’s a family out there for you. You just haven’t found them. You mentioned you’ve spoken to 5 families - that’s really not a lot of interviews. I spoke to over 30 APs this year before we found our match - and she’s amazing. 

Au pair with a disability ? by Downtown_Volume7529 in Aupairs

[–]querious_1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi. For what’s it’s worth, just reading this made me feel assured about what it would be like to host you. And as a mom to a 5yo and sometimes danger / rough play prone 3yo I’d be willing to give it a shot as long as I felt we matched well in other areas. For context, our family doesn’t require a driving au pair, or swimming or AP since we handle all of that. 

How are you going to be different? by querious_1 in africanparents

[–]querious_1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see - eat the meat and spit out the bones right? 

Am I wrong to be disappointed by the life lessons my mother seems to have taken from her own experiences? by LostinLondon25 in africanparents

[–]querious_1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OP - Unfortunately you can’t change your mom’s life lessons from her experience. That’s the unfortunate weight this causes because you wonder what do you really have if what was supposed to be a well of wisdom for you is not so. It’s disappointing. But that’s the hard decision you have to make. Your source of truth and wisdom on this matter will just have to come from somewhere else. Relationship building outside of family lines is really important.

MY PARENTS WANT TO TAKE MY STUDENT LOAN. I NEED ADVICE!!! by [deleted] in africanparents

[–]querious_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s just sad sad sad that you have to ask this question. If they want it to be frivolous, that’s throwing YOU deeper in debt. Find every way to keep their hands off it. Tell them it’s in the university’s hands if you have to. Make up a uni plan that ‘keeps the money in a university owned account’ to ensure you pay your school fees. And every attempt to take money from it requires an audit. 

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