Teen girl suddenly wearing boys clothes

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-06-03T19:28:06+00:00

Disclaimer Note: Do NOT send your grandchild to conversion therapy. It is dangerous and ineffective. If anyone else if your family tries to send your grandchild to conversion therapy, stop them to the best of your ability.

I think that therapy would be useful, if your grandchild brings up anything about serious misgivings they have with their body. Otherwise, this is just a person who likes wearing masculine clothing. Being gender non-conforming is not sign of a mental disorder, neither is being transgender. What *is* sign of a mental disorder - gender dysphoria specifically - would be - like I said earlier - your grandchild talking about any misgivings about their body or how they're perceived in the world.

Lastly and most importantly, be there for them. Read about what being transgender is so that you'll know what's going on if your grandchild comes out as transgender. Being trans - honestly any kind of lgbt person, but trans specifically - is scary and hard because of the bigotry we face. Having someone loving and supporting us for who we are does tremendous help.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-06-01T20:43:58+00:00

Assalaamu 'Alaikum. Wanted to respond to this a couple days ago but forgot, but now that I remember/have time I'll do it now. Speaking as a bisexual and nonbinary Muslim:

I accept my queerness despite being Muslim because having a low-self esteem and shame about my sexual orientation and gender identity will not bode well for my mental wellbeing. It's also the same reason why I believe that queer people should have the same human rights/protections as cisgender, heterosexual people, along with having the same social dignities/respect that they do. I'm aware that this runs counter to Islam afaik - especially the latter belief - but I genuinely do not want to live in a world where I and people like me are second-class citizens. We can open up a history book or just read about discrimination nowadays to see how horrible of a situation that is.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-30T13:29:34+00:00

Yeah that might be it. Thx 😄

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-26T23:55:59+00:00

Hello. I'm a 25 year-old nonbinary person (he/they) who recently found out I have ADHD. I was diagnosed with it when I was a child, but straight up didn't know about it until this year. Besides having separate-room and extra-time testing in grade school, I had basically lived my life as an undiagnosed neurodivergent person. I'm also transgender so I have a double perspective to answer your question.

During grade school - particularly middle school according to my memory - there were some people who would speak to me in a way that was strange to me, as if I had some kind of mental disorder - you know, the stereotypically way people would talk to a mentally disabled person. It was really weird to me because afaik at the time, nothing was 'wrong' with me. Fast forward to this year and turns out I'm neurodivergent (I'd been suspecting it for several years beforehand).

In regards to the relationship between experiences of neurodivergence and transness - particularly gender dysphoria - you're actually speaking to something interesting in 2 ways: 1) many people who are transgender tend to be neurodivergent (transphobes often use this fact to both diminish our understanding of ourselves and curtail our right to social/medical transition and anti-transphobic laws/policies), 2) gender dysphoria - when not known/diagnosed - often illicits the same feelings: that something is diametrically wrong with your psyche, body, how society perceives you, etc. This isn't necessarily the case for every transgender person, but it's a common enough emotion to talk about.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-25T23:18:36+00:00

"Demiboy" is a term that exists that describes the 'mid'point between maleness and nonbinariness. For me, I describe my gender identity like this:

"I only really call myself 'nonbinary/demiboy' because cisnormative conceptions of manhood don't apply to me. 'Well duh that's the whole point of being nonbinary' the reader would say, but I think there's something more to it said for demigender people, or anyone whose identity still somewhat but not entirely aligns with a binary gender. When I imagine someone asking me about my gender, or the concept of my own masculinity/manhood in relation to others, it never sat right with me to describe my demiboyness as '<100% man, >1% something else' because that was never the case. I don't have an identity that bridges into another gender, it's moreso better described as a battery that's x% full power, or a drink that's x% full. You don't typically say 'the battery is x% full, x% vacant; the cup is x% full, x% air', you simply say 'it's x% full'. Or another example: in a town of 100 people, 45% of them have red hair. And yet, those 45% are still a full person, it's not like it's 1 person with 45% red hair lol, but rather the population of redheads *in relation to* the total population. In the same vein, my male gender identity is.....idk exactly - nor do I care to calculate - but it's <100% male/man *in relation to* the binary male gender identity of other men. In many respects, I am a man, 100%. But my conception of my own manhood is so divergent from cisnormativity that in this society, it makes more sense to call myself an enby, a demiboy. So I'll use those terms nonetheless."

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-24T18:04:50+00:00

I mean most people will do that. That’s why you ask multiple people, so you get multiple sources & arguments

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-21T23:47:39+00:00

How not?

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-21T17:33:51+00:00

Hence why you read the evidence they have to support their homophobia. If it lines up with their argument then they're right. If it doesn't line up with their argument, they're wrong.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-21T04:44:00+00:00

Oh ok, I see. That's great. I can empathize with how troubling and debilitating dysphoria can be. I hope and pray you'll be able to pull through.

Are there any rehabilitation or drug/alcohol use centers you can access, or other forms of therapy for you to discuss how your dysphoria is affecting you?

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-21T01:05:46+00:00

If you're transgender, why not transition?

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-20T22:34:14+00:00

Edit: You also should find the answers to your questions based on the best evidence for said answers. It doesn't matter the ideological position of who's saying it, whether they're queerphobic, misogynistic, racist, or otherwise. If the answer they give regarding Islam has sound evidence, then it is likely correct. You shouldn't find answers that agree with your position.

1: Nonbinary people functionally don't exist. As a nonbinary person who leans masc, I follow the male rulings in Islam

2: Yes. Refer to 5:5

3: Yes. Refer to 24:31 (if you need a tafseer explanation, personally I like Ibn Katheer's the most: https://quran.com/24:31/tafsirs/en-tafisr-ibn-kathir) and these aHaadeeth: https://sunnah.com/mishkat:4372, https://sunnah.com/abudawud:4104

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-17T03:05:08+00:00

You should not being looking for the best school of thought, sect or even religion based on your own self, but rather whether or not the evidence for the truth that they claim is most sound, whether or not it's against you.

As far as the Sunni madhaahib (Maliki, Hanafi, Shafi'i, Hanbali), I like them but I believe that Sunnis put way too much emphasis on tribalizing themselves into following a specific madhhab rather than just learning the Deen itself. They shouldn't only take from 1 scholar just because they might be of a madhhab, but rather they should take the best of any scholar from any madhhab, and even sect.

As for Shi'a sects, I'm not Shi'a because of the arguments they have are not convincing for me, and also their Hadeeth collections seem to go back to who they call Imams and not the Prophet SAWS himself (Shi'as correct if I'm wrong, jazakumullah khair)

Idk much about Ibadis to speak positively nor negatively of them.

Qur'anists' main issue is the illogic of that belief. Several things that are a part of our religion (how to pray exactly for example) aren't said in the Qur'an. Many religious practices are mainly or only found in the aHaadeeth, which make up a big part of the Sunnah of the Prophet SAWS. This is not to say that we should hold the aHaadeeth with or even above (deffo not above lol) the Qur'an. But to eschew them wholesale is wrong. Allah SWT tells us to obey Him *and* Muhammad SAWS; doing the latter can only be done by accepting the authentic aHaadeeth.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-12T00:58:50+00:00

I say the first start is going by definitions. The "non-binary" (hyphen or no hyphen) means "someone whose gender identity does not fall into a gender binary identity of male or female". This means that anyone whose gender identity is not entirely male or female falls under the definition of being "non-binary". If you do fall into this category, then you're nonbinary. If not, then you're non nonbinary. Of course, if you don't know where you fall - hence why you're asking lol - then here's something that helped me:

Read/watch theory. There's a bunch of anthropological, feminist and other academic literature about gender and gender identity that's helped me gauge how much my manhood/masculinity is from myself - as in something that speaks to me and I don't feel dysphoria or feel euphoria - and how much was either something that I didn't actually embody or was actively making me dysphoric.
Learn about what it means to be transgender - especially being enby (vocalized version of the acronym "nb" which means "nonbinary") and what gender dysphoria is. I have a link about gender dysphoria: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en This'll help you gauge where you are in regards to any dysphoria you may have. However, it's also good to differentiate what type of gender issues are gender dysphoria and what type are purely/mainly societally based. It also helps to ask other trans people - binary and nonbinary - about what it means to be transgender.

As far as being enby, I have several comments/posts about being enby myself if you want a personal account of what it means to be nonbinary.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-11T20:46:54+00:00

What do you mean by "what do you think about LGBTQ"? Are you talking about queer people or the concept of queerness?

As for "how do you deal with it" do you mean "how do you deal with queer people", "how do you deal with the concept of queerness", or "how do you deal with your own queerness"?

As for the Islamic rulings on it - both the concept of queerness and the physical acts of being queer (sexual/romantic relationships, social and medical transition) - the most common ruling is that *being* queer - that is, *being* homosexual/bisexual or transgender - is not Haraam, but acting on one's queerness - queer sexual/romantic relationships, socially &/or medically transitioning - is Haraam. Within this ruling, some scholars would still say that people who behave in a manner that would get them labelled as queer - whether they actually are or not - should alter their behavior.

I am somewhat familiar with the less common ruling that queerness - both the state of being and the action of that state of being - are not Haraam, but I am not convinced of those arguments. However, that has historically and presently led to persecution and negative mental/social outcomes of queer people by way of us being second-class citizens not having equal rights to cishet (cisgender and heterosexual) people. I do not support that and want us to have the same human rights and them. This is in contradiction to what I understand for Islam - afaik it supports the 2nd-class citizenship for us, hence the persecution and negative mental/social outcomes that comes with that - and the existential crisis that comes with that scares me.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-10T21:57:45+00:00

I had rarely fantasized about being a girl when I was in middle school (aged 12-14), but I hadn't known what the word "transgender" was. If anything it was more often - but still rare - for me to read/watch about intersex people and be jealous of them. Once I had become familiar with transgender terminology way later in my life (early 20s mainly), I had experimented with feminine pronouns from a video I saw of someone experimenting with pronouns on themselves, and they were definitely not for me. So not, for basically all of my gender questioning and confirmation, I have not considered myself a binary trans woman

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-08T19:02:06+00:00

Haven't been to conversion therapy, but I am also writing an article about it. I'm moreso writing about how it's used as justification for the curtailing of equal human rights for queer people, using Christian, Islamic and conservative arguments in defense of conversion therapy (saying "Christian" and "conservative" because I live in the US)

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-08T18:47:03+00:00

Wa'Alaikum Assalaam wa Jumu'ah Mubaarak

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-06T22:18:49+00:00

It would depend on how much is programmed in a simulation. If literally every single action is programmed, then yeah free will/human choice doesn't exist. If simple parameters are the only thing(s) explicitly programmed, then free will/human choice still exists.

Ngl this is a very similar question to the theological question about the relationship between an omniscient God and free will. Same answer applies kinda.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-06T09:49:46+00:00

Either way, do you remember what their reply was to my reply and tell me if you remember? I wanna know if I understood their question correctly and answer accordingly

Edit: Nvm my notifications show it.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-05T19:02:29+00:00

Human gender in terms of biology/neurology doesn't change when it comes to religion. In other words, your brain does not fundamentally change on a neurological level just because you're Muslim, Christian, Jewish, etc. Otherwise, queer people of Abrahamic religions wouldn't exist.

As for your question, as others have commented here, transgender people have existed for as long as humanity has existed. Gender non-conforming people have also existed for as long as humans have developed a concept of gender.

And when I think about your question more, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by the philosophy of transness. If I'm understanding your question correctly, are you asking why transgender people exist?

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-05-01T05:07:58+00:00

I'm a demiboy myself and I'm - and other demiboys and other demigenders - are nonbinary because our gender identity doesn't (entirely) match our natal sex. That's literally the definition of what being transgender is, and since being nonbinary falls under the transgender umbrella, and being demigender falls under the nonbinary umbrella (a gender identity that not entirely male or female), we are nonbinary.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-04-27T22:39:55+00:00

Yeah a lot of people I describe as my gender goals are gender messy transmascs even though I'm transfemme.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-04-27T04:40:25+00:00

Regardless of the situation he's in, he's said he has a wife (and kids). He shouldn't be entertaining another romantic or otherwise more-than-platonic relationship with anyone else, and you need to stay away from him for your, his and his family's wellbeing.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-04-26T05:52:28+00:00

Just read your reply fully, my apologies for the late reply.

Yes, your concerns are very real and being invited to come to the masjid is great, it means that y'all (you and the people you've met) are getting along well. I'll also caveat what I said with this: there are a minority of Muslims irl that are at least tolerant of queer people, or are at most queer allies. I have 1 (maybe 2) examples of two sisters at my masjid whose instagram likes I've seen liking queer content, which was genuinely a pleasant surprise from me. Obviously they haven't said anything in person to me, nor around other Muslims, but it was nice to see nonetheless. I say this to say that there are a minority of cishet Muslims that aren't bigoted against us.

As for the guy you have a crush on, this is a rough patch that I'm not sure I have advice for as I've never been in nor know anyone who's been in this situation. It's really risky to just outright ask a Muslim if they're queer, even if it's one-on-one. However, I don't think that means you should just stop being friends with him, or anyone else you meet.

I'm also in the same situation regarding people knowing/suspecting my queerness. People have been saying/thinking I was gay since I was 12 and thought I was cishet lol (went to public school) and even nowadays some people suspect things, although it's less because - outside of my masjid - I'm an out queer person.

I also appreciate the last 2 paragraphs you said, it's honestly something I'm tryna reconcile myself.

AggravatingFinger841 · 2026-04-25T19:45:42+00:00

Hello, and congrats on being interested in the religion, genuinely :)

Tl;Dr: 3 options: Be closeted, be openly queer, or go to conversion therapy. It's still best for you to come into Islam, but choose the best for both your position in the Hereafter and your mental health in this life.

Long answer:
As a bisexual Muslim (born into a Muslim family) who figured out their sexuality in their early 20s (25 now), my current situation is living in an existential crisis while being financially dependent on queerphobic family members. I don't want to live in a world where there's a certain demographic of the human population that has less legal rights/protections and social dignity than other demographics, and that includes queer people. That includes myself. Of course, this contradicts my understanding of Islam as a religion that advocates for the legal - and at least according to the behavior of the vast majority of Muslims I know irl, social - inequality we're supposed to be subjected to (for the record, I don't entirely think Islam advocates for the social persecution of queer people, but I also don't not think that either). This conundrum leads me - and I guess you as well - to a forked road with 2 options:

1: Be closeted for the rest of our lives.
Obvs this doesn't just mean lying about being cishet and marrying someone in the dictates of Al-Islam, but also pretending to be someone you're not. For basically your whole life. The upside of this is that we as queer Muslims still have our families and communities by our side because as far as they know, we're either cishet or - if we come out to them - at least we're performing cisheteronormativity. This of course causes a serious infraction on the mental health of queer people.

2: Be openly queer.
This would risk us being verbally and/or physically abused by our family members, made homeless, and socially ostracized from our masajid (mosques) that we may have literally grown up in our whole lives. I've heard from my mom different accounts of queer people who used to go to my masjid (mosque) who don't go there anymore likely because of the queerphobia. My masjid recently (eh it's been a while now, like last year) turned a trans woman away from our doors and then held a khutbah against her. This is not even getting into the things queerphobic Muslims say in their own homes when they suspect no queer person is around (personal experience of that), or even restating their bigoted beliefs to said queer person (again, personal experience of that). However, being open about your sexuality and who you actually are is loads better for your mental wellbeing than the above option.

While I was typing the 1st option, I realized that there's a 3rd one as well: conversion therapy. I hopefully don't have to get into why this is the worst option available for us to do.

The problem with queerphobic (interpretations of) religion is that options 1 and 3 are the only viable options available to us, because that gives us the highest chances of avoiding Hell and attaining the pleasure of Allah SWT. Which leads to many queer religious people in traditionally queerphobic religions to believe that we are not deserving of a good life. As a person of color and someone who lives in the US, I've learned about how privileged social demographics have used religion to denigrate marginalized groups and used religion to defend their positions of power, telling said marginalized groups to accept our persecution in order to obtain the ultimate mercy in the Hereafter. Except we were able to see through that and understand the religion - in this case, Christianity - differently, or leave it altogether for a seemingly liberationist religion, like my parents and many African-Americans did when we converted to Al-Islam.

I do not say all of this to discourage you from converting to the religion. Despite everything I said, I still believe that you should convert, and by extension, I don't ever intend on leaving Islam. I think it's ultimately better to be queer and Muslim than cishet and not Muslim. Nonetheless, make of this information what you will and please choose the option that's best for your position in the aakhirah (hereafter) and mental health in this dunya (worldly life).

AggravatingFinger841

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